Judge Not

Lately I've been very conscientious about when I am judging either myself (which can be a constant inner dialog) or someone else.

As for judging others....at the end of the day, we have no business in "anyone else's business". I didn't make that up myself but I'm leaning toward agreeing with this statement. In her book "Loving What Is", Byron Katie talks about 3 types of business...Ours, Others and God's/natures (she was "nonspecific" about the God part). She says the only business we should attend to is ours. I can see more and more where 'being in others business' can cause stress and discomfort either about my OWN self or about others. I have no ability to change ANYONE. I am not responsible for ANYONE's happiness. Who am I to judge other's choices and decisions. There is enough work to do on little ole me to fill my time.


I think I have a bit of a struggle understanding how this fits in with my job as a parent. I think there is a fine balance of nurturing and leading kids while also recognizing that they have choices to make in their own lives and they may not always be what I would choose. I haven't yet identified that LINE and certainly haven't started to hone the 'balancing act' on it, but I'm working on it.

Another area which is interesting is that as I chose to be a coach, I do 'get in other's business'....but I do it as a leader/guide/support where I have no true interest in the outcome but can help others find their own truth and way. Again, this is a fine balancing act because there will be some poking and prodding along the way to clear some paths, open up new territory, find some wiggle room within current limiting beliefs, but all of this will be done without judgement and without ME being in control of the outcome (because I don't have control over what someone else chooses to do or believe).



Now for the internal judgement that goes on in my 'mental theater' on a daily/hourly basis...this is also a balancing act. I can't always control what thoughts come into my mind but I do have choices on how I am going to attend to them. So for example..."Your house is a mess...ONCE AGAIN" would definitely be a 'trailer' in my movie in my head on a regular basis. I could let that thought consume me and create a belief system about my life and my 'control' over it. OR I could also say...how very interesting that I have this belief that my house has to be clean all of the time, is that true? OR....I could have a little tete-a-tete with the announcer in my head, you say this movie is about Messy Laura...well, I don't chose to watch this movie because, Laura is in fact pretty on top of things most of the time, the fact that there are young children in the house, and that she is busy a lot of the time with her coaching, volunteering and other living activities, that sometimes the house can get a little untidy, but she always finds time to get it back in order....Byron Katie (and now "I") would argue that if there is any time where your thoughts cause you discomfort, you can dissect that thought and find a better feeling one. The goal is to end needless suffering which can free you up to see life as fabulous, exciting, and perfect just as it is....that does sound like a panacea BUT it is what it is...whatever is happening at the moment IS and there is no use arguing with it. As Byron Katie says, when you argue with reality, you lose 100% of the time.

This blogpost is brought to you today by the morning inner dialog from my 'mental theater' at 5am ...thank you for watching and have a great day!!!!

Polly Anna

I have been known to say that I have a Polly Anna life. I say this in both a grateful way but also a way that hasn't served me well. What I mean by that is that I often say/believe: Who am "I" to want more out of life when I've already had a great life?

This is some of the work I'm doing with myself to find the underlying thoughts and beliefs I have about my life and figure out how to turn them around. For example, I could ask "Who am I not to want more out of life?" Perhaps if I had more (and lets be clear that money is part of my discussion on this) I could be of service to others, I could be free to enjoy my life and by default my children would too, I would have more time (aka not cleaning the house) to be a better wife, mother, coach and volunteer. At one point someone asked me to give 10 reasons why I deserve more out of life and I followed through...but cannot bring them to my mind at the moment.

The reason why I bring up the Polly Anna experience here is today on my coaching class we were encouraged to acknowledge that where we have been "to hell and back" is a gift we can offer our clients as someone who has been there and can give you support and tools to work through them. I sat there thinking....well, I haven't really been to hell and back so who am I to help others?...a recurring theme. Maybe I should ask a different question...Who AM I? What do I have to offer? How can I be of service to others? How can I add value to myself and to others?

On the topic of "hell and back"....it could also be a matter of perception. Maybe I'm not allowing myself to see that there have been moments in my life that were hellish. If I look I could find a few that some might argue weren't all peaches and cream. Let me name a few...

• Moving often as a child (and interestingly as an adult).


• Having my father absent for months at a time (and resulting mother who might have been a bit stressed about it).


• Moving to Iceland (...need I say more?)


• Having a friend murdered.


• Being sexually harassed


• Having a few miscarriages

I do know that I have good coping mechanisms built within me that make me be able to 'buck up' when times get tough. Does that mean I didn't feel it when it was happening? heck no....there were tears shed, teeth gnashing etc, but somehow I knew that those events were not going to define me and I "moved on quickly". So, perhaps I do have more 'hell and back' that I can draw from to give perspective to those who need support. Also....I was given a great insight today about where I can be of service AND where I have actually gravitated as of late....I know what it feels like to move from being a full-time mom to one who has school age kids and who feels like something is missing....I've lived that model (and in many ways am still doing it) and know I can offer a perspective to others which might help them find passion and meaning as they transition. So, even though I have a rosy look at my life which has served me well, I also have perspective that I haven't given myself credit for....now I have something to chew on....so take that Polly!

Gratitude X 10

1. My mommy and daddy here for a week


2. Sunny day (after rainy day yesterday)


3. Par-tay on Fri-day


4. Crazy busy week over


5. Flowers from friends and family


6. Gifts from friends and family


7. Love from around the world on my birthday


8. Ooey-gooey love from my kids (on my birthday)


9. Very slight discomfort from my par-tay versus an all day recovery


10. Life is good!

Whoa Nelly

On my FB page I said I was going to party like a 20 year old last night. My friend said that the problem with partying like a 20 year old is that you FEEL like a 40 year old the next day.

I don't think I made it 20 year old standards but had a great time nonethless...AND I still feel like a 40 year old today. What's with that?

T - minus

I am 5 hours away from having a great evening with friends. In fact, MANY friends. My husband says that only one family could not attend...that is so amazing and humbling. I'm the type of gal who is fine with no 'obvious' light shining on me. I definitely can hold my own "in the light" but don't really need it to be happy. So, this party as much as it is FOR me, is more about me wanting to be surrounded by my friends, not the actual attention it will also bring. People are my power source. I need and love to connect with them and so that is what the gift of this party is; not the attention specifically ON ME. With all that said...I do think I should slap some makeup on and a pretty shirt so that I at least am presentable as our guests come...so, if you'll excuse me....my shower is calling.

Good Enough

This week's busy-ness has really allowed me to witness something fabulous....there IS such thing as 'good enough' and it isn't to the perfectionist-level that I've thought all along. For example, I had homework due today that I had but 5 minutes to work on it...so I did what I could in that 5 minutes, submitted, slapped my hands together and said...DONE. I didn't fret over how fabulous it was going to be, if it was actually what I needed to do, if I was going knock some one's socks off...NO, I just did what I felt worked for me at the time and called it a day. And...by golly, the world did not come crashing down around me....fascinating.

I'm going to keep this little gem of a life lesson in my hip pocket because my next task is to clean the house for my party tomorrow...so 'good enough' is going to come in handy OR I'll spend all day cleaning and be bitter. When did I decide that everything in life had to be 'high standard', perfect, 110%? How has it served me? Where can I change the model and where is it still something to strive for? Only I can know, but I never asked before now...now I will ask is this something that deserves 110% or will 80% do...its still a passing grade and no one really f-ing cares at the end of the day! Maybe that is what turning 40 gives me...PERSPECTIVE!

It's Official

Firstly today I AM 40. No big change from yesterday except that my family is making me breakfast in bed and I think I'll be getting more emails than usual. I'm down with it all...and happy just as things are (minus maybe a few pounds, wrinkles and knee pains).

What is more exciting to me is that I actually have been officially blogging for a year now. This post happens to be my 359th, so oviously, I didn't quite make 'a post a day'. I blame internet connectivity and travel mainly...not desire. Here are my 10 thoughts about my year of blogging.

1. It has become a necessary part of my day.



2. I rarely have "nothing" to talk about



3. I can make a story out of the mundane



4. I love writing



5. I have 'found my voice'



6. I sometimes filter my thoughts/words because of family reading



7. I hope to expand this 'writing thing' this year



8. Some blogs 'write themselves' when I least expect it



9. I enjoy marrying my photography with my writing



10. I am looking forward to another 350 (something) blogs.

Hey 5 readers out there (maybe a few more)....do you have any thoughts on what my next year of blogging should look like? Thanks for humoring me by participating in my year of writing. Cheers!

PS My husband is awesome...he bought me the latest and greatest Nikon camera AND a new computer AND I'm going to Austin for 4 days with 'my girls'....maybe 40 ain't so bad after all.