Bibliomancy

Bibliomancy is a fun little exercise where you find a random book on your book shelf, open it to a random page, read that page/passage and find what meaning in your life it has for you (in the true meaning of bibliomancy you would use books of divination). I have had some amazing coincidences with this where I will read exactly something I had just talked about or asked about. I know that I am operating in a world of self help and most of my books I open are self help, but there is still a bit of a magical coincidence that I find the one thing that was on my mind. There is a subtle influence of the observer making the links...BUT WHO CARES! So...I will now perform my circus act of reading a passage and writing my meaning...hold tight....

So my first book didn't work...it was called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell and it was talking about the lead guitarist (or something) from Limpbizkit...I'm guessing in the 3rd page (if I read further) I would understand the meaning of the story...but I got bored (Gladwell's books do have some great lessons or hypotheses that he makes...so I COULD HAVE found something cool...but not today). So my next book was the Joy Diet by Martha Beck. I opened the page and found the chapter called Risk. Martha prescribes a week of taking a risky action on a daily basis. Being bold in action beyond your normal-everyday-run-of-the-mill decisions that you make. YES, this is something that I've been adding to my life this year. I have told people the truth about my feelings knowing it would be uncomfortable for both parties (them and me). I have said a definitive NO when I knew volunteering for one more thing would not serve me well. I coached Martha Beck herself (twice) when I was quaking in my boots. So I like this challenge. Today I will take a risk...what is it?....hmmm, I now ask for signs of what the risk should be for ME today. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

This little tool is just a fun way to check in with a book, with your thoughts and maybe a little hocus pocus where you're looking for signs from the universe for answers or inspiration. I read the book Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs and one of the characters in the memoir would go 'Bible dipping' ...same, but different.

Abundance

I am on a kick where I'm deliberately noticing my abundant moments. Here is what I have so far:

1. Four sunflowers bloomed from seeds that had expired a year ago


2. No parking ticket when I forgot to pay


3. Got my library book just in time to read it for my coaching book club


4. Found LIPS microphone that had gone missing kids will be so happy to duet


5. Found my Monte Blanc pen that reminds me of my start of my career in 1992


6. Cleaning people here on a good day (have a client coming to my house tomorrow)


7. Ability to have said cleaning people and planning to fund it myself through coaching and photography


8. Clerk at Safeway allowed me to pay with check even though I'd left my ID at home, I told him I'd pay-it-forward somehow


9. Remembered to light my green candle yesterday on the 28th, wished abundance to myself and others

Are you paying attention too? We have little gifts delivered on a daily basis, if we notice and celebrate them, I believe that more of the same will come your way. It is nice to have this feeling of abundance...it feels like a warm hug!

Groundhog Day

Every morning I have this groundhog day feeling. It is especially heightened on Mondays. It is the morning pattern that seems to happen EVERY DAY. I wake up, make my bed, go pee, brush my teeth, go to the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, fill dishwasher with unwashed dishes, fix breakfast, cleanup breakfast, make lunches, push kids out the door, take out clean clothes from dryer, put a new load of laundry in, straighten family room, make kids beds, wipe down bathrooms, fold a load of laundry, wipe down kitchen counters, sweep kitchen floor, put laundry away.

Well that was this morning but every morning seems a bit like that and it doesn't seem to vary...it is always the same things to straighten, same dishwasher to unload, still another load of laundry to do, kids forgot to make bed, kids didn't put their toothbrushes away, husband left the ironing board out. I don't even get grumpy about all the things "others didn't do" it is just the fact that it happens on a DAILY BASIS and it will not stop because that is what happens when people LIVE in a house...they wear clothes that need to be cleaned, they use dishes that need to be washed, they sleep in beds (one could argue that those don't need to be made...but...), they sit on couches and mess up pillows, they brush teeth and pee in toilets yadda, yadda, yadda.

I have found in this year that Momma feels much better when the house is JUST SO. So every morning I "JUST SO" the house before I do anything (unless I have plans like a morning jog with a friend etc). Once the "just so" happens, I can relax into what my day holds. But, I only get to the "just so" part and not to the deep clean, vacuum, dust, windex etc...that is where I get stuck. So, I am trying out the cleaning person dealio every other week to see how that feels (methinks I'll like a lot).

I have been observing my 'just so' patterns of late and realize that its almost a meditation that I'm doing to prepare for the day. It is very 'busy', it is very tactical and it doesn't finish until I get that 'just so' feeling. Then I can go do other things. Having the cleaning person does something else for me...it frees up that 'not done' feeling I get when I have a lovely looking home but 'to a point'. I know it may sound crazy but I think it is something that holds me back from making mental progress on things that I'm trying to accomplish in terms of my coaching goals. It is that little voice in my head that says you have more to do with the house AND you have more to do with your coaching, which are you going to prioritize because one has to give. That conversation goes on on a daily basis. I know that if I were working outside the home I would a) feel more confident about spending the money for a cleaner and b) would be away from the actual house so it would be out of site out of mind.

This being neat and clean is 'learned behavior' for me. I don't feel as though I have this innate clean gene that makes it a no brainer...it is a daily skill that I have to master...it is like working out, I don't have an innate desire to do it but I know I'll feel better once I've done it. I've NEVER felt the way it seems that athletes and "neat freaks' do...they feel compelled to do whatever it takes to continue on their path to greatness. I don't have that!

Gratitude X 10

1. Awesome September weather



2. A car full of stuff donated to Goodwill



3. Library books



4. TV shows starting again



5. New clients



6. Sunflowers grown in our own yard



7. Healthy family



8. My son singing Johny Cash with a 'twang' on LIPS (xBox)



9. Smooth "coming clean" about Santa with my daughter



10. Witnessing my daughter playing Barbies which makes #9 not so bad (she's still a kid).

Tell me when its over

I may have to skip my daughter's soccer games from now on. I have a real issue when the kids aren't paying attention or hustling. I don't know why I take it personally but I do...I think it is because I KNOW THEY CAN DO IT. We've been outplayed for 2 games now and I'm not feeling as though we're going to break out of this rut. I am happy to say (or is it that I'm biased?) that my daughter is a hustler and sticks with the ball and plays her position...so that is the silver lining of it...but still, I'm not certain if I'm the best 'soccer-mom' on the planet...and maybe I'll have to be "busy" for the upcoming games. I'm just saying!

Visual challenge

In the spirit of facebook and twitter here is my blog entry (in terms of length of entry)...

I think that teaching art in my daughter's class is both rewarding AND incredibly frustrating. It makes me appreciate what teachers go through on a daily basis.

We did tessellations a.la. M.C. Escher (in a 4th grade sort of way).

Just how I like it...

Yesterday I had a breakfast meeting with some friends from my coaching world and as I was driving home, I got a call from my neighbor friend to meet her for lunch....I seamlessly went from breakfast to lunch with people who fill me up...can't think any better way to have spent my Wednesday.

One of my main values for feeling successful in life is 'connection' and I definitely got my fill yesterday!

Do you have to?

Scene - Me driving the kids to orthodontist appoint.

Me a little frazzled because my son left his retainer at school so I had to make an unplanned stop and was late for the appointment.

Daughter: Mommy, is Santa real?

Me: (in my head...Bummer, here is the moment I've been dreading AND DID YOU HAVE TO ASK WHILE YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER WAS HERE).

Son: Yeah Mom? Do you and Daddy buy the presents for us?

Me: What do you guys think?

Daughter: I don't know that is why I'm asking YOU!

Me: I believe in Santa.

Kids: Yes, but is he REAL?

Me: I can't focus on this conversation right now, the street has too many curves and there are too many cars, we'll talk about this later!!!!

Later I asked my husband if I should come clean with the kids and he said...nah! Wait until they bring it up again.

My friend Jill has a policy at her house...If you don't believe you don't receive! I didn't know how to gracefully work that into the conversation. I'd love advice...knew it was coming with my 4th grader, wished my 2nd grader could come to this on his own accord.

Now I'm waiting for the next question to pop up while I'm driving....Mommy, where do babies come from? GULP

Skip to my Lou

We are having a fabulous September in terms of weather. I believe it is predicted to remain for a while. What a way to feel a bit of a skip. This weather makes me WANT to go for a walk with my friend AND to bike to run errands AND to sit outside to read and do work. I have a meeting in about an hour and I am NOT going to attend if she DOESN'T hold it outside...I just won't...it is inhumane to make me stay inside on such a day. It is a shame that you cannot stockpile Vitamin D supplies for the gloomy days because I'd be happy to get my fair share (and then some) with this weather.

Did I tell you yet that I love this weather?

I feel pretty, oh so pretty

I have been on a tear these past few weeks. I have cleaned out drawers, shelves, buckets, bins and anything else that is known to collect J-U-N-K! My garage is orderly (ish) and yesterday I attacked the kid's playroom. Now...that was fun (NOT). I seem to enjoy it a bit though because I am good at sticking with it. What I do is basically take the 'puzzle apart' and then put it back together. I have a bag for trash, a bag (more like three bags) for donations and then a basket for carrying things to their rightful place (not in the toy room). I tend to go whole hog and stay 'til the bitter end' to put it back together. I don't know where all the junk came from and I don't know IF my kids ever played with half of it so this time I was pretty hard core on my 'chuck' factor. The kids are definitely older and can be entertained for longer periods with "less"...legos, games, markers, dolls, a few stuffed animals (a few more than my liking)....those are what we're keeping all the other "crap" is outa' here.

It is amazing what the cleansing does for my overall psyche. I feel lighter. For some reason the song "I feel pretty" comes to my mind. I think that when we 'hold on' to the stuff it seeps into other parts of our lives and we feel cluttered and 'held down'. My next challenge is the 'scary basement'....I'm wondering if that area represents the repressed "bad memories" of my life and I'm not ready to go there (the attic is the same 'feeling'). I did dip my toe in yesterday to clean out more of the kid-toy stuff so at least I'm familiar with what is there and can visualize my process....but maybe not today, I like feeling pretty.

Gratitude X 10

1. Coincidences
   
2. Clean home (by someone else)


3. Clean garage (by me because someone else cleaned my house)


4. Finding lost items (because of #3)


5. Surprising my daughter with her first concert


6. Playing slot cars with my son


7. Getting the word out about my coaching


8. Setting goals and accomplishing them


9. My daughter's look of pride when she scored the only 3 goals in her game


10. Feeling in the "flow of things"

burn baby burn

Recently I've been told about an American Indian tradition of lighting a green candle for prosperity on days that have an 8 in them . I don't know much about the ritual and if there is a 'right way' to do this, but I see on Facebook a few of my friends saying they've lit their green candle (on the "8" days of course). So I've decided 'what the heck' it can't hurt.

The first time I was made aware, I didn't have a green candle and somehow going out and getting one didn't make it on my list. The second time, I again didn't have a green candle but realized we had some birthday candles that might have green...and we did. So my husband and I lit tiny green (and white) birthday candles that we pushed into a piece of bread so they'd stay upright. I also 'made up' a wish for prosperity for ourselves and others.

Fast forward to last night...again, no green candle AND NOW no green birthday candles. So...creative person that I am, I got out some food coloring and a tea light and a glass candle holder "thingy' and simulated tea light with green in it (ish). I'm just laughing at myself at how I'm trying to make this work not really sure it does work and being super creative (NOT) about it. I now may have permanent green dye stains on my hands to boot. So, today I was at Ben Franklin and I BOUGHT SOME GREEN CANDLES. The funny thing is that they were on sale...so does that make my whole system only work at 50% (because they were half off)?

So does this really work? I'm not sure I'll ever really know BUT, at the end of the day, it provides me time on a fairly regular basis to sit with my husband in the glow of the candle wishing good things for us and the world...and if it truly does bring money and abundant opportunities into my life...BRING IT ON!

Don't you love it when...

...fun coincidences happen!

I have been on fire with my synchronicity. I've had a cleaning person show up at my door right after saying to my friend that I wanted a reasonably priced person. I had someone show up with money they owed me shortly after I said I was hoping they would. I told a colleague that I would contact this friend to hold me accountable for sending a letter...and that friend called me shortly after I said it. Yesterday, I found a business card of a coaching friend of mine and just as I put it away, I got an email from her. It is so fun to have these things happen.

In and of themselves they aren't 'earth shattering' but the fact that I'm noticing it happening more and more is so cool. It could be that it was always happening in my life and I just wasn't aware...and now I have my antennae up for it. Regardless, I love it.

As my parents often say...when you're with Laura you'll noticed that the world is small (as in minuscule). I think this is all related somehow. Now to manifest wonderful people who would like to pay me to be their coach...Universe, my order is placed (as in from a catalog)!

Well hello there...

Yes...I've been a bit of an absentee writer lately. No good reason...but I'll tell you the two things that make me want to write in All Caps:

I SAW MILEY CYRUS IN CONCERT WITH MY DAUGHTER AND HER FRIENDS (AND THEIR MOTHERS). The reason for the All Caps is that is how I have to talk now because of it.

I HAD MY HOUSE CLEANED BY SOMEONE ELSE TODAY. The reason for the All Caps is because I am ecstatic.

I'll try to be on my best blogging behavior (note the alliteration) next time...OH YEAH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BROTHER EEYORE. The reason for the All Caps is because he lives so far away and I have to yell for him to hear it.

2 minute drill

For the next 2 minutes I will list things I like...in no certain order...

1. hummingbirds
2. popcorn
3. movies
4. photographs
5. creative writing
6. connecting with people
7. pens
8. the color green
9. jelly beans
10. small but well appointed houses
11. small cars
12. simple things
13. laughing with friends
14. "being" with family
15. a tidy house
16. clean toilets
17. children who laugh often
18. being smart
19. being witty
20. being with smart and witty people
21. people who are authentic
22. tv shows
23. my Mont Blanc pen
24. my engagement ring
25. coaching people
26. feeling confident
27. beer
28. the smell of a rose
29. the taste of cherries
30. a 'just so' blanket
31. snuggling with my son
32. speaking like an adult with my daughter
33. the "knowing" that my kids are going to be ok no matter what
34. being honest
35. dolphins
36. sunsets
37. days with nothing to do
38. days with something to do
39. feeling purposeful
40. my parents
41. memories of our d.i.n.k. days
42. coats
43. funky jewelry
44. warm sun on my face

DONE

You know you're doing something right....

...when both of your kids start sobbing when the meanies kill King Kong (1976 version).

It turned out to be a teachable moment for my daughter (who knows what my husband "taught" my son while consoling him). I talked through with her how some people are greedy and will stop at nothing to make a buck (aka using King Kong as a 'circus act'). That people will lie and agree "not to kill Kong" even when they know that they will. That some people cannot see that there is good in everything and everyone and if you can respect them for their differences and not 'abuse them'...life is better. My daughter enjoyed talking about this stuff and actually applied this to a real life scenario in her world. Some of her classmates are making fun of a smart kid in her class who asks a lot of questions. She feels awkward about their behavior and deeply believes that it isn't right. As a mom, I feel for the 'onlookers' (my daughter) of such behavior because they a) may wonder if they'll be next b) wonder if they don't participate, what will happen to them then. Right now things are fine...but I will keep my eyes and ears open. I was subjected to bullying in 8th grade and it sucked. Luckily I KNEW that they were "little people" and wouldn't let them get to me. I am hopeful that my daughter has the same 'inner knowledge' when navigating life as a student in today's school system.

On a totally different note. If I were a movie critic, I'd recommend that Jessica Lange, Jeff Bridges, and King Kong (and everyone else in the film) NOT put this movie on their resume...not stellar acting in my opinion. Also, Mr. Kong needs a toothbrush...I'm just saying.

Gratitude X 10

1. Sleep
2. Summer-like weather
3. Chats with friends
4. My marriage
5. Spontaneity
6. My health
7. Checking things off my list
8. Free time
9. One-on-one time with my kids
10. Pictures of my kids

I had a hard time generating this list which makes me think I would like to live in the moment more and appreciate more...that is my goal for this week.

Droopy eyes

I am very sleeeepy but still trying to participate in life...exercise, shopping, errands, picnic with family...but my mind is moving toward thoughts of my cozy bed. Toothpicks are needed for my eyelids.

Geep

I had an idea for another post today but then I was reminded of the fact that is is 9/11...and then I was reminded of how I was personally affected by that day...and then I smiled as I thought of Gerald P. Fischer (aka Geep).

He was my second real boss in life and he was a mix of adorable, frustrating, compassionate, brilliant and everything in between. I'm thinking "nutty professor" is a term that might befit him. I worked under his leadership at Booz Allen and Hamilton where I was cutting my teeth as a real-life Management Consultant. He was scattered, messy, flighty, warm, generous, insightful and with all that mixed together he endeared himself to people. He was as genuine as you could get and he didn't make excuses for his limitations he was just what he was and often you'd find yourself saying...that's "just Geep".


I left Booz Allen in 1996 to move to London and then to move to San Francisco. That is where I got the call a few days after 9/11 from my friend from "way back when" who told me that Geep was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He was at the Pentagon in a meeting with an Army client when the building was struck and he unfortunately did not survive. What a twist of fate because really, that wasn't his place of work...he worked in a totally different area in DC (Tyson's Corner) and it just so happened that on his day he was where he was. As I had been processing the tragedy from the days before I had marveled and found myself feeling lucky that I didn't know anyone who had been killed....and then I found out that I was wrong.



Although Geep is gone, and although after a while he wasn't a big part of my life...I smile when I think of him...when someone endears themselves to you, you can't help but get a lift in you face and your heart. He was a good man, with a good heart and he looked a little like this (no offense Geep). I have an almost daily reminder of Geep because for a wedding gift he gave us a bagel cutter...whenever I'm making breakfast for myself or others I am reminded of "my Geep" and I smile and I look up and I say...thank you Geep for being a part of my life (as crazy as it was then).



A fellow colleague wrote this today on facebook...and this even makes my memory of him more solid and warm and cozy...

I remember my old boss Geep Fisher, and his Devil May Care attitude. It was his wife's birthday, and he had sent her flowers. She couldn't reach him to thank him, b/c he had gone to a meeting at the Pentagon. The night before, he had told a coworker, "We're all living on borrowed time."

This memory of Geep helps to remind me that people who come and go in our lives are really still with us...and as we remember them, if we can 'visit them' in love and joy...they live on and their influence and impact can remain as pure and loving as it was when it was felt in person.

Miss you Geep!

On the 9s

9/9/09 was our 14th anniversary.

I'm going to assume that we are going to have a lucky year for those numbers. We started "the year" out just right with a yummy dinner out and a great time together.

I've 'charged' my husband to plan an AWESOME trip for next year (our 15th). It may sound like I am bossy to make him plan it versus doing it myself...but I know my husband and in fact HE LOVES to research destinations and figure it all out. That is how we spent 6 weeks in Southeast Asia having a blast...scuba diving in Thailand, Shopping in Bangkok, seeing Orangutans in Borneo and the such. So...yeah us, we'll do something awesome next year (more of a week jaunt vs. 6 weeks sadly).

Here's to us...and beating the odds for yet another year! Hang in there baby!

For the birds

Today on a 4 mile walk with my friend I saw 2 dead birds (one that had possibly also met a vulture in its rigor mortis). My friend said she saw 2 up by her house. Why the dead birds? Please let it be a fluke and not the West Nile, or Avian Flu because right now my thoughts are focused on Swines.

Birds, swines AND mosquitos will send me into orbit.

Validation

Today...Labor Day...my husband and I are mostly LAAAAZY. We spent the morning and some of the afternoon watching a "marathon" of Super Nanny shows. We are so addicted to this that it is sad and pathetic. What it does though is makes me feel like an AWESOME parent because our kids aren't even close to being as bad as the kids on the show. We kept hugging our kids and telling them how glad we are that they aren't like THAT. We also joked about putting them in the "Reflection Chair" (which I think is the Naughty Chair for kids who are above the age of 5) and then we talk about sitting on the "Conversation Couch" which is the place where a post "timeout" discussion is to be had. What at hoot!!!! I think my brain is numb with all the crazy antics that kids (and parents) exhibit in the households represented. Also..Jo Jo sometimes cannot pronounce words correctly and one time a little 8 year old girl kept correcting her (with a British accent too)...and it was comical. Anyway...I am definitely not "Mother of the Year" but I also am not one of "those" parents on Super Nanny...High Five to my husband and me!

Gratitude X 10

1. New School
2. Kids in said new school
3. Happy kids in new school
4. Free time to myself
5. Tidy house
6. "Successful" tie dyes
7. Husband's fun weekend in Atlanta despite the Hokies upset
8. Sunshine
9. Kids on bikes
10. Random thoughts

To Dye for

My daughter's soccer team is the GREEN VIPERS and they need new shirts this season. We parents don't really want to spend the 20+ dollars for the 'real jerseys' you can buy at the sporting good stores, so I decided to take it upon myself to figure this one out. Normally we buy a $5 shirt from Target that says soccer on it and call it a day. This year, they were sold out. So....I bought white t-shirts and have dyed them Chartreuse. I had intended to do white and chartreuse tie dye but all I accomplished was Chartreuse and Chartreuse. So...I went back out and bought purple die to try to add an extra element. I am known for liking to do "crafts" but I have never felt my products are stellar (the process is more fun than the product). So, I'm feeling a little nervous that the 10 Chartreuse shirts with purple swirls will look like 10 green shirts that red wine has spilled on (they have to dry over night all rubber banded up).

At some point I will pay each and every girl to say that they did the craft themselves. That would free me of any random stares from the "soccer moms" whose girls have fancy shirts (with their names on them), matching socks, and sweatshirts with their team name. We'll be deceptively "patched together" and then they'll witness our VIPER POWER on the field. Its not how you look its how you play...right? That will be the speech I will be giving the team next week when they get their "wine stained" soccer shirts.

In her shoes

It seems that every morning my daughter has a shoe battle. I feel that this battle has been going on since birth. What is it with her feet? Why are they so sensitive? AAAARGH. This shoe battle has been a daily issue this first week of school and one of the problems is that her feet have grown. She is nearing my size which is CA-RAZY...she is ONLY NINE YEARS OLD. If kids are like puppies, I'm thinking that she will be huge as she "grows into those feet" especially if they keep growing. One of the big issues for me is the "investment" in these shoes. I am convinced that the moment we plunk down our money for the shoes and wear them a week, her foot will have grown...and any good "worth wearing" shoe is at least $40 (and that is even rare). This week has been my incentive to take that girl out and buy a few pair of shoes THAT FIT and that don't have any random bump, knob, string that will hurt her foot.

I am tired of the battle and negative energy we start our mornings with...in fact this morning I said "bitch" under my breath because she was so mean to me about HER SHOES that I just couldn't take it anymore. She didn't hear me but I know she felt my frustration. It physically hurts me when she treats me with such rudeness, anger etc. I know I have to work on ME about this issue...but by golly, cut a mom some slack...I feel I work with good intentions to help make her life good and right and then she "slaps me" with her attitude and then I'm crushed. AND DON'T EVEN REMIND ME THAT SHE ISN'T A TEENAGER YET!

Game Night

Thanks to a Target advertisement my kids want to have game nights on Wednesdays. Even though I believe that my daughter is smarter than this...I think she thinks its like a National Day of Play. She announced that we "had to have game night on Wednesday nights" right after seeing the ad. So as part of her bribe for OPERATION TIMESTABLES, I said I'd buy a new game on WEDNESDAY (if she learned them before school started). She stuck with it and has it down 99% of the time. There are a few that still trip her up...but she essentially has them right. We are now the proud owners of "The Game of LIFE".

We played last night (Wednesday) and I forgot how fun it is. I love that there is very little strategy involved. There are board games that make me physically ill and I believe it is from the childhood trauma I experienced when my brainiac brothers would play Risk and Monopoly AND DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (I had to do that in all caps because I just outed my brothers with their 'geek' factor). Anyway, being 4 years younger and much less wise (in a book smart way of course) I only witnessed this playing (ad nauseam) and I knew that it was an "outsmart outlast" kind of experience and that isn't me...NOT AT ALL.

So far we are one Wednesday into our new tradition. I have to say our family isn't very consistent with 'traditions' but if this one sticks...it is well worth it. That is a memory I'd love for my children to speak of when they're older...maybe it will erase the mean-crazy-lady-mommy experiences they had by the end of this summer.

The nerve of some people

Yesterday I was backing out of a parking spot in a pretty busy spot. I waited for tons of cars to go by and with a leap of faith, I looked back and started to ease out inch by inch. Well, someone had walked into my blind spot and then she appeared in my view as I continued to back out (slowly). I never hit her but BOY WAS SHE MAD. She gave me the stink eye and came to my window. I rolled down the window and apologized (and noted that she had walked into my blind spot). She glared some more and stormed off....that is when I felt compelled to yell out my window....

I SAID I WAS SORRY...silence

IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU'D ACKNOWLEDGE MY APOLOGY...silence

PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES......visions of her storming into a store.

My body was racing with all kinds of 'fight or flight' emotions as I drove off and then I kept thinking...

I sounded like such an idiot

Why did I think it was so important for HER to acknowledge ME?

I despise people who have chips on their shoulders

I'm SURE she has made the same/similar mistake before

I am still laughing at my reaction but also questioning...should she have been so mad? What did she expect to get from me when she approached my car? What was her intent...to spread her evil mood on me?

My final thoughts were...I need to slow down and be more aware both of my surroundings AND more importantly I think...how people's toxicity can rub off on me....I don't want others to have that kind of control.

In the meantime...I say to myself...shake it off!

What to do?

I am halfway through my first day without kids and I'm in a bit of a stupor. Don't even know what to write. I came home to find that somehow a tornado had blown through my house messing up pretty much every room in the house, so...I just got off my damage control job and will now do....I don't know...what to do?....I'm certain I have a list somewhere.