Deja vu

So, I'm noticing a trend here that I'm sure I've noticed before. January essentially felt the same as last year. February is shaping up the same as 2009 too. Golly, if I'd had a diary (oh yeah, I do right here), I could see what I was feeling on this day last year and see if it feels the same...let me look...well, I'll BE, my February 3rd does feel like this.

I have an upswing of energy. I feel more organized and directed. I've started making my reasonable but stretching lists of what I want to accomplish. I am starting to set some structure in place for what I want to accomplish this Spring and beyond. It feels EXACTLY the same as I did last year...as if I am Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. The interesting thing about this is that there are two ways to think about this phenomenon: 1) is to lean into it and let it roll from year to year and play out just the same way OR 2) recognize where I want it to be different (especially the energy wane in January) and come up with ways to circumvent the "system".

It could be that it is NO USE and whatever I try to do differently, the end result will be the same. Luckily, I have this on record so that I can go back and see how next year plays out. Also, with every year I am "wiser" about my patterns and my choices so maybe just maybe, the loop will be broken and newer and perhaps better days are ahead this time next year. I like the idea of both accepting "what is" but also knowing that I can chose to change it if I so desire. At the end of the day, it is all a matter of perspective. I could say, "boy, I like the hibernation feeling of January, and then the feeling of stepping out of my cave in February, it feels like a regenerative process" versus "boy, January always sucks for me. I cannot seem to get my act together and I end up wasting the days and not getting anything significant done. I'm always glad when January is over."

Which one feels more like freedom? I think I would like to chose freedom over helplessness...just a thought!