Progress in 2008

I am proud of myself. I flew to and from DC without serious anxiety. I believe that some of this success is due to my new coaching approach for myself and others. I can't say I was all happiness and sunshine during the flights but I was so much calmer. I'll have to admit I still preload with some moonshine to ease my nerves. I also am super proud of myself because when we were taking the tram to our gate today I saw six firetrucks rushing to a plane on the runway. That could easily have caused me to go into a tailspin (pun intended), but I just said, "how neat" and took some breaths and mentally moved on.

We are home, we are getting warm and we are actually going to be super-d-dooper lame for New Years and I am so right on with it!

Here's to 2009. I think I'll celebrate New York New Year and perhaps snuggle into my hopefully warm bed and get some sleep which is on my list of things to try out for 2009.

I am 'chewing on' a word for 2009 (2008 was happiness). I'll keep you posted.

Cheers big ears! Chief

Bookend

My family made a special journey to Baltimore to enjoy Afghan food. My brother found this spot and felt it would help us experience his 9 month experience there a little more. The restaurant was very nice, the food was fabulous and my brother now has a new 'friend'. The waiter was extremely gracious to him, we were given Naan and apps as a gift to him and we were able to hear a few cultural stories. It was a nice way for us to see that my brother's (and his family's) sacrifice may have a lovely side story. It was like we had put a bookend to the adventures of last year.

Missing the feeling

Every Christmas starting when we migrate East to our families, I lose the ability to feel hunger. That is because I eat a lot and seemingly constantly. I have been more contentious about how MUCH I eat but I still seem to have the feeling of 'full' since I got here on Dec. 24. This very state of fullness is what caused me (about 10 years ago) to enter into a state of extreme denial starting January 1. As the clock turns to midnight, I drop all candies from my 'paw' and do not allow it (or any form of junk food) into my mouth until Easter. I am very good at this and have amazing self control. I actually feel no stress when exposed to the 'off limits' food...no problems. Anyway, for the past few years the effect the denial has had is dwindling, I don't see any significant physical results (ie weight loss) and I think it is because I 'fill the void' with more of other stuff that counteracts the possible positive results. As usual, this year I plan to be better about 'everything' but I have my doubts. I am wondering if I need a new approach, totally different from this pattern. There are a few problems with changing though. What SHOULD I do? Will it work? How do a stop this crazy tradition, it is part of my shtick? I have a few days to do some soul searching but there is a possibility that there is a NEW ME coming. I feel that the fact that I have both amazing self control until Easter and then NO SELF CONTROL for the rest of the year is the source of my issue and that maybe my approach from the past needs a new look.

The other big thing I'm dealing with is that now that I am venturing into my forties I am finding that my handy dandy metabolism of my younger years has gone to pot. I have creeped 10 pounds over my 'comfort zone' and I am realizing a new day has come for me and I may have to take it seriously. In my coaching program there is a Master Coach Brooke Castillo who has a book that is on the top of my pile If I'm So Smart Why Can't I Lose Weight?. I'm hoping that this will be my 'mental/emotional' boost to my dilemma. I'll keep you posted. I'll also tell you what I've decided in terms of EXTREME DENIAL 2009 (or not).

Gratitude X 10

1. My mommy
2. My daddy
3. My brothers
4. My nieces
5. My nephews
6. My "in laws"
7. My family
8. Christmas presents
9. Family dinners
10. Contentment

IN NO SPECIFIC ORDER

Joy

1. Perseverence and taking a risk...we made it to DC 2 days early and have tons of stories to tell


2. Enjoying family time, food, drink and merriment


3. Kids at Christmas...pure joy


4. Grandma E's sugar cookies


5. Granpa E's Christmas dinner


6. Baby laughs


7. Feeling 'at home' with family


8. Night out with our best friends in DC


9. Gift giving


10. Comfort of my family

Hope floats

We are crazy people. We've decided that we'll immerse ourselves into the crazy mess that is the SeaTac aiport and hope that somehow we can be standby passengers on ANY flight out of Seattle. My husband has 'status' with United so we're hoping to excercise his influence in this situation and see what comes up. Monkey thinks its cool that we're trying our hardest to get him into Grandma E's arms, Princess would prefer to play with her friends than wait, wait, wait at the airport...she is smart, she knows what we're in for...Monkey is none the wiser...lets hope his wishes are met today!

Please all envision us successfully at our destination sooner rather than later.....Here's to the "giving it a go".

Cheers!

Change of address

Dear Santa

Please change your plans for dropping gifts off at Grandma E.s house. It turns out that your friend Mother Nature had other plans for us. We'll be home for Christmas (but hoping that some flights open up). Its all good, we're flexible, just wanted you to know (our 7 year old Monkey isn't as keen on it though).

Love

Us

Change of plans

Well do you want the good news or the bad news first?

I'll start bad....our 6am flight to Denver then on to DC was cancelled.

Good...I actually checked our flight before going to bed last night so I knew this at 11:30pm and woke my husband and he worked his magic and his 'status' to get us slightly closer to our destination today and then hopefully fully there tomorrow. Our main goal is to get out of Seattle. While on the phone the travel person was coming up with some quite interesting plans like...

Seattle to Calgary to Chicago to DC....arriving 11:30pm on Christmas Eve...that had disaster written all over it. Then, like magic, a more reasonable one came through...

Seattle to San Francisco (overnight stay), San Francisco to DC on Dec 23.

So now we are a different city and a different day away from our destination, but it feels much more hopeful than the hundreds of travellers who have been struggling to get out of Seattle all weekend. Now I must do some serious thinking/hoping/believing that we'll be in DC tomorrow afternoon. I think we can, I think we can, I think we can....I KNOW we can.

I have hopes of snagging a flight today from San Francisco but if not, we'll figure out how to take the kids on an adventure to explore their ORIGINATING city (they both were born in the Bay Area). Ideally though DC is the destination.

PS posts until 2009 may be a little sporadic and that's OK

Gratitude X 10

1. Winterwonderland in my front yard
2. 4 lazy days with my family (with some spurts of snow energy)
3. Icecicles hanging from our roof (Princess loves collecting them)
4. Sledding
5. Snowball fights with my kids
6. Warm boots, pants, coats, gloves, scarves
7. Heat
8. Power
9. Snow hike with monkey where we collected dinosaur meat to survive because we were the only ones left on earth
10. HOPE (that we will be landing in DC on time tomorrow safe and sound)

Batten down the hatches

Our current forecast is that some time today there will be severe wind storms up to 90 MPH winds. We've experienced this before 2 years ago almost to the day. It is very 'Auntie Em' feeling when it happens. There are huge evergreens that sway with such intensity that you are certain that they will all crash at the same time on your house. Luckily so far that hasn't happened and I'm pretty sure it won't happen this time. The storm of 2006 was big and it caused state-wide power outages. We lived for 3 days without power, no gas stove, no working fire place. For me, it was kind of fun to see how we could survive. The kids loved how much time we spent together. My husband wasn't as keen on it. Luckily the neighbors up the hill got power and allowed us to camp at their house.

Then there are the neighbors across the street...they are...shall we say, different. The dad/husband has a generator (and a back up generator). He looks forward and is "hoping" that our power goes out (his daughters told me so...so I'm not speculating here). He wants to show himself and the n'hood that he is prepared for the 'end of the world'. They admit that they were stocked and ready for Y2K. The problem I have with his model is that HE WANTS THE POWER TO GO OUT....doesn't he realize that most of the rest of the world DOES NOT HAVE A GENERATOR. Anyway, we are ready and waiting for what Mother Nature has in store and we'll be as prepared as can be for the next few days. Our main hope is that by Monday morning at 6am we are on a plane to DC safely making our journey there...to the waiting arms of Grandma E (and Grandpa)....I know she is anxious for our arrival and I love that about her.

Snow DAZE

Today is another snow day for the kids. No holiday parties, no school sing-a-longs, no teacher gifts, no special gifts made by their little hands...because we missed the last 3 days of the school year when all of that happens. Oh well! Is all the support I can give for my kids. I am very good at giving into 'what is' when there really isn't anything I can do. I cannot go and physically open the school and MAKE THEM HAVE SCHOOL. So, I have to be at peace with it...and I'm trying to guide my children to that same space.

These snow days are filled with doing a lot of nothing, then doing a lot of something like playing in the snow, then some more nothing, then another outdoor snow related some thing. It is a nice way to prepare for the holiday 'circus' (I mean that in a kind way) that is about to come in the next few days. I love seeing family, I love watching the kids reconnect with their cousins, I love seeing friends who live in the area, I love eating yummy food (I don't love how I beat myself up about it), I love the gift giving (and receiving).

I do, however, have to prepare myself for the nuances of dealing with family members and not getting stressed about whether or not I'm offending or being open and accepting etc...and I mean ALL family members, I'm not singling out here. So, in the spirit of trying to be 'clean' emotionally, I am spending some time pre 'coaching' myself to be at peace with 'what is' and not to over think things and not to judge etc (we all do it!). I'm going to see if I can be in a loving space at all times and if I'm not, I will try to work through my thoughts. This is such good practice for me in my coaching and to help others through this. The goal in Martha Beck style is to end all needless suffering...and the suffering comes from thoughts about a person, place or thing not the actual person, place or thing....there are times when there is unavoidable suffering but it should be clean (vs. dirty suffering). An example of clean suffering is being sad and missing someone who has died, dirty is saying I should have done more for that person before he/she died. I would love to spend way more time on this topic, but my family is about to embark on a 'snow hike' down to the lake....so I am off to do a 'snow something'.

Fright Night

Last night my son called from his bed screaming in fear. I rushed to the room. His Furby had decided to start talking exactly at the moment that a poster on his wall started to fall. It was a confluence of events that frightened him desperately. Well geez, I would be equally as frightened. I proceeded to take the Furby and the poster out of his room and he went right to bed (at his age I would have been up for hours thinking of other things that might happen). I put the 'stuff' in my room. When I was heading to bed last night, Furby said something like "Furby Happy" and I jumped. I put him somewhere else in the room prepared for bed out of the corner of my eye, something moved...it was Furby again. I totally forgot that I could turn the blasted thing off. Furby is evil...Furby must die!

On a lighter note (or really heavier)....we have SNOW and lots of it. The snow came a snow day too late. Yesterday there was NO SNOW and the kids were home. I am trying to do some self coaching on my thoughts about this because I know that in June we'll be making up this 'chance of snow' day....but what can I do, it is a done deal. Maybe the authorities will have to grant us that day back as a mea culpa for pulling the 'snow day' trigger too soon. The media plays 100% of a role in our false school closure, they have people posted all across the state predicting, speaking of possible devastation, 'the snow storm of the century' yadda, yadda and then NOTHING.

My current hopes are that the call for snow again on Sunday does not happen because we are taking off for DC on the 5:30am flight on Monday morning....me thinks that is a risk if it snows too close to that time. Eventhough I am fearful of flying, I'm really talking about delays not other crazy mishaps.

Chance of Snow Day

Snow seems to be coming our way. As a result the schools have shut down. Interesting though is that there is NO SNOW on the ground (except for traces from our last 'dusting'). Anyway, my kids are excited to be home; I had other plans. I do hope it snows so that when we are making this day up in June (along with other snow (or chance of snow)) days, I'll feel it was legitimate.

My kids have made up a chant (which has grown on my nerves)

Snow dance, snow dance

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

They may get their wish (or maybe not?).

Dear Santa

Please slow time down just a little....my kids are growing up too fast. Oh and world peace and a new pony would be nice too!

Nature AND Nurture

It is a stressful morning for me and not in a normal way. We have a hummingbird feeder and this morning all of us noticed that it was frozen over. We saw a sweet bird come for its morning feed and it couldn't get food. We all are distraught about it and so my husband quickly brought the feeder in to thaw the food and promised the kids that this afternoon he'd fill it up (that has been his job). Well everyone is now scattered to work and school and the poor little bird is sitting on a tree waiting, waiting, waiting... I am so nervous for the tiny thing, I'm thinking that it will turn into a tiny hummingsicle if I don't get the food out to it. So, I am now making some simple syrup for the bird myself and hopefully, I can successfully get it up to provide the bird sustenance. I have been toying with keeping the concoction a little warmer than normal so it won't freeze, but then that could possible kill the bird from the inside out....so, I will let it cool appropriately before sending it out for the bird. I am attached to these little guys for many reasons. Just recently I have a new reason....I think they like ME. I was busy raking leaves on our deck and a little hummingbird decided to get food just as I was under the feeder. It didn't care that I was there and I was able to really get a look at the bird as it fed. It was so cool.

So, this whole scenario has gotten me thinking. Are hummingbirds supposed to migrate somewhere warmer? Did these little guys in our 'hood decide that they had a good thing right here that they couldn't be talked into moving? Are these poor little birds going to expire one by one due to our 'false reality' we made for them? OH THE PRESSURE!

As these burning questions came to mind, I compared their situation to our current housing crisis. Many out there were promised a false reality that eventually has caught up with them and who knows where it will lead. We could have easily been in the same boat. We bought our house 2 years ago and probably bought at the highest the market got. Luckily my husband had the foresight and gumption to not be talked into anything we couldn't ultimately afford...we were approved for WAY MORE than we actually spent. The other fortunate thing is that I don't value the 'latest and greatest and biggest and best' so I wasn't pushing my husband to stretch us. I live the cliche..."a house is not a home, but the family in it is"...I know there is another poetic way to say it, but I am too lazy to search. Now, the housing crisis still could bite us down the road because if we ever need to sell we are likely to take a loss....but I'm not going to think about that because we are staying put and we have a lovely house that I call home because it exactly what we needed at the time we were looking. However, for the amount of money we spent, I WISH it were fancier, nicer, had more bells and whistles, but that is something that I don't care to worry about at the moment. Right now, a warm cozy house with a loving family is my priority. And I have that!

Gratitude X 10

1. Slight dusting of snow which made the kids giddy last night
2. Holiday party (and after party) with neighborhood friends
3. Clean house
4. Husband safely home
5. Sleep
6. Books I'm reading
7. Commitment to organizing my house
8. New basketball shoes for the kids...monkey said the quintessential kid thing...."I can run faster and jump higher"...love it!
9. Daughter enjoying reading more and more
10. One more week until holiday travel begins...getting excited.

Not much

Nothing is coming to my mind right now...I guess this is writer's block...but I know I can write something. I will write the first 10 things that come to my mind....lets see what happens.

1. It DIDN'T snow last night eventhough that is all the news covered was the CHANCE of snow (it did snow in the mountainous areas)


2. My husband is home safe in bed catching up on sleep from his 2 week trip...Michigan, NYC, San Fran, home, Paris and London, then home. We are happy to have him here


3. I have a photoshoot this morning with a cutie petutie 2 year old


4. My kids both have basketball games and it is picture day for them....I don't care about sport pictures for some reason, so it is tedious to make special arrangements for this


5. My house is still clean from my party on Thursday. I spilled Pomegranate juice on my counter and it is now in all of the drawers. It will be a few days before I feel confidant that it is clean.


6. My tummy hurts a little


7. I have a little more holiday shopping to do. I am having a hard time shopping for Monkey while Princess is a synch...she likes all things fashionable at the moment.


8. I am getting excited about traveling to DC for the holidays


9. I'm tired of thinking of 10 things


10. I'm glad I am at 10 now.

Peace out!

Hello Pillow

Hello Pillow, I'll be visiting with you for a while this morning because last night was too late, and the champagne flowed a little too much. I am grateful that the kids have school so I can get a little more shut eye this morning...my eyes are only half open at the moment...so, see you in a few (hours).

Sweet "Day" dreams

A Day of it

Today I have an overflowing schedule and I've decided to start my day with gratitude to set the tone for positivity and success.

I am grateful (x 10)

1. I woke up in a warm and cozy bed


2. My children woke up in a warm and cozy bed


3. My house is 90% ready for the party tonight


4. I have an overflowing schedule doing things that are useful to others


5. My husband is in London visiting with our dear friends (really that isn't gratitude it is jealousy)


6. My kids have food to eat for breakfast, lunch AND dinner


7. I have the time, energy and health to successfully get through this day


8. I will be interacting with tons of people throughout the day (which gives me energy)


9. I am going to see a play with Monkey's class (we're walking to a local theater)


10. I love my life

On a totally different and 100% more important note...please everyone who reads this say a prayer or whatever you are inclined to do for my friend's sister who has a very serious and complicated brain aneurysm and will be operated on tomorrow. She has 4 daughters and a husband and and extended family who love and wish for her to be well.

My daughter must share the DNA of my husband because she has two key qualities that he has...she likes sushi and she likes to cook. It has been hard to 'want her' to cook because of the involvement I have to have in it, but yesterday I decided to empower her. I bought a pretty straight forward 'box' type meal that involved browning meat, stirring in ingredients and voila, you have a meal. I decided to let her take it all on herself (with my watchful eye over the stove just for safety purposes). She prepared it just as she should and she was so proud of herself. Now the gift I've been thinking of giving her really will be 'just right'. I am giving her a cookbook (to be bought) and an apron. I believe she'll be tickled...but I must be prepared to let her actually use the cookbook...that is where the REAL gift giving will be coming. But for now, it is really cool to see her independence, her interest and the thought that perhaps she will be able to move out on her own one day.

I didn't know how to cook when I moved out. For my two years of grad school I survived on cereal, egg noodles-butter-Parmesan, and peanut m&ms (oh yeah and a good amount of drinks with friends). With the stress of school and this diet, no wonder I was a skeleton when I came home....that is no longer an issue for me!

Grumpy McGrumpster

My daughter has decided for the last two days that to be grumpy in the early morning is cool. The first day I 'got dragged into her mood' and tried my best to make her happy, offering suggestions for another outfit that would fit better, going out of my way to help her get ready....she still got on the bus grumpy. Today was the same thing, but today I decided to "kill her with kindness". I didn't get into her story, I coached and guided her to get ready. She continued to try to be grumpy, but when I said...we're going out for breakfast before school (because I needed to get to a meeting), her mood shifted. Now, I know it was the external incentive that made her happy, but the fact that I stayed out of her story made me happy. Win-win I'd say.

I do despise sending my kids on the bus in a bad mood, it feels as though it is setting the tone for their whole day. I think that is an 'adult perspective' on life, kids are more flexible and can "turn that frown upside down" at the next 'shiny object' that is put in their focus. Either way, I am left grumpy/sad that my last interaction with my munchkin(s) is blah! Perhaps a little more structure in the morning will do the trick, or not!

Fire drills

I sent this note to a hand full of people yesterday:

Here is my plan for myself. I have cupboards, closets, bookshelves, cubby holes, piles etc that need to be cleared out. I thought I'd try a little experiment. I am going to list the top 10 things that are bothering me from a home organization perspective and test how much I can get done in 15 minutes on each item. Now, I may have to make some areas a double dip where I believe they are too large for just one fire drill. So here are the rules (that I made up just today).

1) Make a list of the things (up to 10 if you are brave and remember you can double dip (but them as 1,2,3 on your list)
2) Prioritize the list whatever way feels good (least scary, highest impact, most visible, biggest pain in the ass, smallest pain in the ass)
3) Set the intention that every day I will set the timer for 15 minutes and see what progress I can make on my item (checking it off as you get done).
4) My goal is to keep it simple and manageable so I may just do one item per day
5) After each item, I will celebrate my success by doing something for myself (buy a coffee, watch a show, read a book, take a nap...whatever)
6) Also after each item I will acknowledge the hold that item had on me and release it and not beat myself up for how it got there or how 'little it took' to get rid of it
7) After 10 days (and all items checked off)....I will reward myself big...movie? buy a piece of clothing? go to lunch? watch tv all night? read a whole book? buy flowers?

My list is below:

1. My closet - done
2. My closet - done
3. Linen closet -done
4. Coat closet
5. Other linen closet
6. Laundry room
7. Garage
8. Garage
9. Playroom
10. Playroom

11...BONUS, MY OFFICE.

My other big thing that has been 'bothering me' is my photo albums being behind...so....between now and Dec 22, I am going to find 15 minute 'spots of time' to make progress...the list of things I need to do is:

Day One: Assess how many albums I need (making sure to buy one for 2009)
Day Two: Buy albums
Day Three: Find out how far back I am behind in printing pictures
Day Four: Put all pictures I have printed already in one box
Day Five: Separate pictures by year (and further by 'time of year')
Day Six & Seven: Go online and purchase the pictures for each year (up to the number of pages in ONE book per year)
Day 8 & Nine: Organize newly purchased pictures by year and general date
Day 10/11: Put pictures in albums (and drink wine!)

Does this sound like a challenge for you too? Even though we might argue we don't have time because of the holidays...what a gift to give ourselves for 2009 to start out a little more 'organized'....that is my thought anyway!

Gratitude X 10

I'm feeling very ONE-wordy today:

1. Kindness
2. Hope
3. Joy
4. Connection
5. Reconnection
6. Warmth
7. Family
8. Creativity
9. Serendipity
10. Choice

Show me the money

Last night was my husband's holiday party. It is held at a nice restaurant or club every year. Open bar, appetizers offered by servers, nice buffet food and wine served to the table. As I was preparing for this evening I was realizing that it would be the same as last year where I barely knew anyone and had to do some of the small talk with people I didn't know. It takes a lot of energy (and money on our side for sitters) to participate in this type of evening. I told my husband that, instead of having this party, why don't they give us the money they are spending on the event?

Having said that, there is one person (really couple) that attends that I look forward to seeing there. In some ways she is my 'soul sister' here. I met her at a park the first weeks we had moved here and the whole summer we made plans together and spent hours getting to know each other and even went camping together. They live in another town (but not that far away) and so our paths really do not cross now that we've settled into our lives. We don't see each other AT ALL in the year but when we go to this work party we sit with heads together chatting, catching up, solving a problem here and there...so for just that, I guess I can make the effort to attend these events. My one dilemma is that they may move to China at some point, so I'll be at a loss then...but who knows things can change for us too, that is the beauty of life, nothing is ever the same. Sometimes sameness is a necessity for survival and sanity and sometimes sameness can lead to getting stuck in a rut....in my life I have dealt with and welcomed change, I do change well.

Under Pressure

As I said yesterday, things get a little loosy goosy here when my husband is traveling. Loosy goosy can bite you a little. At 9pm last night, I realized that my son had not done 3 days of homework and it was due today. I went to a lecture last night and had to get a babysitter. I asked her to help with the homework, but obviously that didn't quite happen. So, marching orders for my son were that I would have to wake him up early and he'd have to get the work done.

Fast forward to this morning. He became MY alarm clock an hour before anyone needed to be awake. The poor boy probably dreamt about it and maybe not really slept because it was on his mind. I'm training him well for adulthood, right?

To further his training for adulthood, my son just barely made the bus, he ran to it with his coat half on, papers flying in his hands and a look of fear. Isn't that what we do often as adults when we are carrying the weight of the world. I have to say I do feel a tiny bit of guilt for my son's morning stress, but I also chalk it up to a learning experience for us all.

This is the song I think of for this post.

Brinner

Last night I announced we would have breakfast for dinner and the kids went into hyper action...they got the eggs, bacon, bread and other fixings for dinner. We had our meal on the table in no time and we all enjoyed it. All of us except my husband because he is in San Francisco for work and some fun too. He called me from his favorite store in the whole wide world - Amoeba Records.

When my husband is away, we shift our standards at home. Bedtime is looser, more tv is watched, meals barely resemble healthy choices and other fun shenanigans like eating out, messy house, and laundry strike. I actually feel awesome about this scenario, I don't beat myself up, I consider it 'the way' and we all lean into it. I feel that mommy is happier and the kids miss daddy less (because they're being brainwashed by the tv).

After our 'brinner' last night Monkey said:

Mommy, you don't do dinner as well as daddy, but you're really good at cooking breakfast.

I support that assessment and "am one with it". There was no offense taken by me and I actually felt proud that he likes my breakfasts...all is good here in Bizarro World when daddy is away.

For dinner tonight....hmmmm, mac and cheese is looking really good!

Angel boy

We put our Christmas tree up on Sunday and my son keeps turning off all of the lights in our house at night. To his frustration we, 'one by one', keep turning them back on. Last night we walked into our dark house...

Monkey: Mommy can we leave the house lights off and turn on the tree lights.

Mommy: Yes, for a little bit.

Monkey: Because I want to sing Christmas Carols around the tree

Our family sang Deck the Halls last night to the glow of our Christmas tree. That is what Christmas is about.

(perhaps some singing lessons for a few of us would make it a tad better).

Kindness of strangers

Today I realized that I had made a huge 'snafu' and in the instant I realized it I decided to see if I could work to change the outcome. Firstly, I was honest with everyone involved that I was a BOZO and I screwed up. Then I went to the source and decided to just ask and see if there was any hope of a solution. In my asking I personally was calm and in a state of acceptance so that whatever the outcome I would be ok, but no harm in asking. Well, I am so pleased to say that snafu is now not a snafu. I owe all of this result to the person who was kind enough to help me out and I now feel as though I have a huge 'pay it forward' moment in my future. What I learned from this is

1. There is kindness in the world
2. That I was calm and 'not attached to the outcome' but hopeful
3. That I actually now have a new friend (albeit via email at the moment)
4. That being honest doesn't hurt that badly
5. That I need to slow down a little.

Namaste ("I salute the divine in you.") my new friend.

Finding normal

I am a little discombobulated today with regard to how I can 'slide' back into my old life now that Thanksgiving is over and normalness (whatever that is) is back on the agenda. I am cleaning up remnants of a wonderful weekend with guests (one guest is still here, but I don't consider him a guest...my brother). I had my class that I was 'just on time for', I'm catching up on emails, I'm trying to remember what I had planned for this week and so forth and so on. I suspect that once I get it all 'figured out', we'll be leaving to go to DC for a 10 day holiday bonanza. Isn't that how life is though? You think you've got it figured out and then a new opportunity (some might call a challenge) presents itself. I'm off to figure out what 'normal' is for me, I'll get back to you in about an eternity....or maybe I can venture a guess, normal is this very moment as it is playing out and that is it, nothing more, nothing less.....aaaahhh I'm waxing philosophical!

Gratitude X 10

1. Mashed Potatoes
2. My brother and his kids
3. My fun town
4. Walking everyday
5. Crockpot dinners made by my niece
6. Free babysitting from my niece
7. The relationship my kids have with their cousins
8. More fun photography for my 'stash'
9. Happy husband 'cause his team won - go Hokies
10. Great Grandma Laitinen (because without her I wouldn't have my husband...think about it). I wish comfort to my husband and his family on Monday and Tuesday as they remember her.

All we are saying.....

They shall beat their swords into phoughshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation neither shall they learn war any more. Isaiah. 11.4

I just decided to dive into my $2 quote book and found this. It made me laugh and remember my 7th grade speech I made about the nuclear holocaust (that I was certain was going to happen). My father was instrumental in finding this bible quote for me. I don't know if my fixation on the doom of the world was because of my outlook on life, the hormones raging in my body in those pubescent days or the fact that my dad was somewhat involved in the arms race. Each of us had to make a speech that year and mine was pretty dire I guess. I don't believe I ever really paid attention to the words from that passage, but they still resonate today in terms of wanting peace and a unified outlook on humanity. I am doing my best to live a peace-filled life and if we could all do the same perhaps we could approach the sentiments of this bible verse. What is the harm in trying?

All we are saying...is give peace a chance.

Playing Tourist

Isn't it the case that you never explore your own hometown as much as when you're on vacation somewhere else? Today I had the opportunity to play tourist with my brother and niece. We started out at the 5 Spot for brunch which is now our favorite place to take our guests. We did the Underground Tour which I had not done in the 2.5 years we've been here. We also went into local 'must do' stores, had a snack at an Irish Pub and just spent a lovely day out and about (even in the drizzly rain). I had a fun with my camera too and have tons more 'footage' for my posts (actually my niece had the camera for most of the time, but I'm going to claim them as mine because they are 'my style'). It is now 'nap time' for all so, off to get in cozy clothes, wrap up in a blankie, turn on the boob tube and let the afternoon "happen" however it must. I love these types of days especially when there are bodies in the house doing the same 'nothing' that I am.

T is for Turkey

Today is a day of family, food, TV, triptophan coma and more of the same. So, this post is short and sweet with a thought of gratitude for the life I have, the people who make my life great and a specific prayer for those who aren't able to be with family, keep them safe and well on this special day.

I also want to do a belated shout out to my sister-in-law whose birthday was earlier this week. I have no good excuses. I know that she is enjoying her family today because she of all the people I know holds family most near and dear and I appreciate her for that. She and my older brother are hosting my wayward parents this weekend and that makes me happy to know that they'll be well cared for.

We're about to prepare Trevor the Turkey (my niece decided that Tom is so "last year"). Cheers!

A Michigan Rose

Yesterday Grandma Laitinen (my husband's grandma) passed. We will miss our visits with her when we go to the U.P. to the lake house that she and Grandpa Laitinen built. My thoughts and well wishes are with the extended Laitinen family.

The random coincidence of this is that my daughter is doing a family tree for a classroom project and my mother-in-law provided this information

Mother: Rosemary Irene Nuranen (maiden name), the oldest of 14 children
Birthdate: February 14, 1923
Birth Location: Highway Location, Michigan

On the form it also asked for date deceased and it was left blank. The project has not been submitted so we will have to add this new information. We will miss you Grandma Rose. This picture was taken in 2007 and is 4 generations and the baby in her arms has Rosemary as her middle name. Her legacy will carry on.

Busy Readying

Today I am busy 'readying' my house for our lovely guests, my brother and his kids. We are excited to have them for the rest of the week to enjoy our city, family time, Thanksgiving and whatever else transpires. I know that my brother wouldn't care if our house was a pig sty, but it is not in my nature to allow guests in our house without a little cleaning. My husband is actually more 'worried' about cleaning for guests than I am which makes for an interesting mix. He makes me so 'uncomfortable' when he is buzzing around the house doing his cleaning. Firstly, his cleaning schedule and mine are not always in sync. Secondly, his standards of clean are different than mine (picked up is clean to him). Thirdly, he sometimes moves my piles OR culls them and that drives me crazy. What he does is moves my piles INTO THE CENTER OF THE ROOM SO THAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM....instead of leaving it neatly stacked on the surface that I HAD DECIDED TO PUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. I've asked him NOT to move my piles and it still seems to happen. One day I'm going to move the pile exactly back from whence he moved it and see how that plays out. Did you know that in England "piles" is actually the term for Hemorrhoids....which equates to Pain in the Ass...which is what I feel about Ed moving my piles.

Anyway, those are my issues and my thoughts not his so at some point I should just accept this 'dance' we do and take care of what I want and he what he wants. But word to the wise, don't be messing with my piles!!!!

Touchstone Moments

This weekend I shared several lovely moments with my children (albeit when I wasn't feeling well).

Saturday 9am: Marathon Monopoly Junior game with Princess. We had lost the money for the game so we got creative. I now realize that my daughter is a hoarder when it comes to money (a good quality to have for the state of the world today), but also generous when she sees others who are less fortunate (she donated many dollars to me to keep me in the game).

Saturday 1pm: Monkey and I went on a 2 mile walk. Along the way we sprinted, we stopped to look at berries, plants, strange trees and other natural wonders AND we sang 100 bottles of beer on the wall...(I tried to go with 100 bottles of Coke but he knew the real lyrics and wanted to stick with that). The connections we made during that time just warms my heart.

Sunday 2:30pm: Princess, Monkey and I went for a 3 mile hike that involved some rock climbing, trailblazing and imagination. Princess got very involved in a wonderful imaginary world where there was a troll under a bridge, where we had to make ourselves invisible if we saw humans and where we were living in Leaf World. Sometimes I forget that she is just a child and that she likes to play...she seems so mature most of the time and it is hard to tell.

Based on the success of our weekend adventures, I now want more. When my husband and I were driving home from our evening at the Symphony (another touchstone moment) we both were gushing about how great our kids are and that we need to really focus on this time of 'greatness' because we suspect in the teen years, our moments will be few and fleeting....hopefully I am wrong!

Gratitude X 10

1. Report cards with all good grades
2. Big PTA program nearly over
3. Many coaching hours
4. New friendships developing through my coaching
5. Making progress toward my 300 mile goal...43 miles to go
6. 2 mile walk with my son yesterday...it brings tears thinking how special it was
7. 3 mile adventure with both kids where we pretended to be elves in leaf world
8. 24 hour flu is over
9. Standing down my guard on the 'hair issues of the past'
10. Night out with friends for drinks, appetizers, and evening at the symphony (the pianist rocked)

Proud Mama Bear

Here is an excerpt from an email I received about my kids

I, personally, adore BOTH your children, and I think the crowning moment of Thursday night was when [Princess] ran up to [Monkey] and gave him the biggest hug for his achievement. Not only did she hug--but he hugged back.

My kids participated in a National art program for the public school PTAs which is called Reflections. I had a role in the planning and execution of this program, and it culminated in a reception for all participants. As I had involvement in the program, I MADE my kids participate. Princess did a photograph, Monkey painted a picture. The theme of the program this year is WOW and the kids had to artistically represent what WOW meant to them through visual arts, photography, literature, dance, video or music composition. In year's past, Princess has been recognized for her work and in one case was chosen to move to the next level in the competition.

This year, the tides shifted and Monkey was chosen in his age group and Princess was not. I knew this going into the reception and was preparing my speech about how it is fair, how she has had her moments in the past, how her category is different than his and that it is more competitive in her age group....I was ready for "the talk". All my planning was 'for naught' because the moment Princess found out that Monkey was a finalist she was very proud and announced it to everyone. She never made one comment about her NOT making it.

At the reception I made special announcements for the finalists and they came up individually to collect their certificates and ribbons, when I called Monkey up, Princess ran up and gave him a genuine hug. I did not witness this but two parents have independently told me how sweet that moment was. How can I not be proud of them both. Did I have anything to do with this love for each other? I'd like to think so, but it could easily be a gift we were given in the genetic lottery. If you were in my house this very minute, your opinion might change about them because they are playing Lego Star Wars on Xbox and keep grumping at each other!

Grades

It is grade time for our 1st and 3rd grader. It is so funny how nervous I get opening their grades. It must hearken back to my anxiety as a child. Also, in some way I see the grades of my children as a reflection of my parenting skills (eventhough that might be misguided). I am confident just in knowing my kids that they CAN perform at least at standard and if they aren't....it gets 'personal' for both my husband and me and we work hard at home to fill in the gaps. The grades for this time around make us proud! Now for more of the same at home and school....and it will be a successful school year!

Piano pros and cons

The story goes that my parents had bought a piano for me to have when we lived in Iceland that was to be mine when I left the house for good. Well, said piano was too big and cumbersome for my efficiency apartment in Wisconsin in grad school, my rental in Mississippi, my 1 bedroom I rented from a friend in DC, my 3 flats in London, my tiny apartment in San Francisco....you get the picture, I didn't really have a need for a piano until I had kids and started buying houses with my husband (houses not as in many at one time, but many because we don't sit still). Well, the elusive piano got tricky because my husband didn't really see the value in adding a clunky piece of furniture to our home that he did not believe it would be played or be useful through our lives....so the piano never made it to our house and it now has a lovely spot in my brother's guest room (because he DID want it in his house). As we made our big hop across the country to Washington state I believed that any hopes of having a piano in my home was lost.

I just happened to tell my friend's mother my story about my piano and how I would still love a piano but husband -notsomuch. Well, my friend's mother "does" estate sales and the very next day she called me with the news that she had found a good condition piano for $150. It so happened that my husband was out of town and I got a wild hair and bought the piano site unseen and without the 'nod' from my husband. This was the first time I had ever done such a thing....buying something significant like this, without a discussion, while also knowing that we weren't in complete agreement....it felt GOOD!

Our piano is now tucked in our dining room, not exactly fitting but 'who cares'. My daughter takes to the piano famously, loves her lessons and has blown through one book and is onto another.

I am now in the spot that my parent's were circa 1986 when I was trying to learn Fur Elise and played the intro OVER, and OVER, and OVER. Now I'm feeling the same sort of love hate thing with my daughter's music because she either gets stuck and tries and tries again OR she plays her favorite song every day, many times a day, all week long. The new issue is that her book right now is....you can guess.... Christmas songs. I'm already tired of Jingle Bells and Joy to the World...what am I going to do for the next month and a half? Between the holiday music at the stores and the piano music at home, I might show my Grinchy side at times!

Dinner menu

For dinner tonight....yummy baby thighs with a side of gummy cheeks. It is painful to hear them cry when I eat them.....but I cannot help myself.

Why is it that we say, "That baby is so cute I could eat her"? Or, "Her thighs look good enough to eat". I said some of those very words last Saturday when I photographed this yummy 5 month old baby.....too funny! We all had a load of laughs at her expense....I'm sure her parents will pay at some point in the future.

Alice doesn't live here anymore

One of the techniques for my coaching program is to identify your "inner lizard" and name it. The concept of the inner lizard refers to what scientists have identified as deepest layers of the brain which they call the reptilian brain because it is said to be evolved from early vertebrates. This portion of the brain constantly sends out survival fears (like a broadcast) that can be considered lack or attack fears...either we don't have enough of something or we are in real danger. Examples of these human lack or attacks fears (ie your inner lizard) may be the times that you've consistently talked yourself out of something, or when you have certain thoughts or behaviors that you do in times where you are out of your comfort zone, or when you constantly compare yourself to others. Martha Beck describes this much more eloquently and in depth in her book Finding Your Own North Star.

It took me a while to even want to acknowledge that I had a lizard...but as my time in my program has progressed I've really gotten to know my lizard well. My lizard's qualities are: that I can allow people to make me feel small and less significant. It either can be people who show me signs that they believe they know what they're talking about so I defer to their judgement (even if I might have an equally good (or better) idea), my lizard also likes to compare me to all the others out there and likes to talk me into thinking I'll never be good enough, finally, if someone just is a grumpy person and wants to grump all over me, I'll let them and even try my darndest to make them like me even though that isn't even the point of the issue. As I think about these qualities and I think about how I describe them, I often use the term "I make myself small". So as I keep using that phrase, the idea of the story of Alice in Wonderland becoming small came to me (this also fits with an earlier theme in my life).

So, Internet, meet Alice (the lizard), Alice...meet everyone.

As I've gotten to know Alice a little better, I've been able to 'objectify her' (through this technique) and sometimes I can even say "Oh that is Alice talking" or, "I'm not letting Alice win this one", or I can just see when my reactions are Alice reactions. By no means have I solved my issues with this, but I have another way of looking at things and ways of challenging my thoughts. So, eventually, the goal is to transition Alice from playing an active role in my life to being a mere character in a little doll house having a perpetual tea party with the Mad Hatter. Instead of lack or attack, I will be amused (like the Cheshire Cat) by what her story used to be....that is the goal anyway. So what is your Lizard and what is it's name?

Clean Mind, Body and Soul

Every Monday at 10am I have a class via telephone.

Every morning prior to the class I clean.

The cleaning is a quick paced run around the house picking up, wiping down, sweeping, taking trash out, loading the laundry, making beds kind of clean.

As much as I'd like to say I do this because I am such a neat and tidy person, I actually believe it has something to do with my 10am class.

It feels almost like a meditation ritual for me to have my home 'prepared' for ME when I have my enlightening hour and a half call.

I have likened it to nesting and I am preparing for the 'birth of the new me'.

Besides being clean for my calls though, it is a great way to start the week and frees up my time to either go 'deeper' into my cleaning later, or just to have the house tidy for when my husband comes home because he is a 'tidy house' kind of guy and I'm DESPERATELY trying to honor that....and I feel more settled too when it is 'just so'. I am still waiting for the cleaning person to knock on my door and say, surprise, I've decided to give away a weekly cleaning to YOU for the rest of your life....'on the house'. Is that at all possible? Universe, are you listening?

Gratitude X 10

1. Brand new fancy shoes for $8
2. Saturday night at a birthday party only for adults (for a new friend of mine)
3. Babysitters
4. Sunny days
5. High School Musical on Ice (I'm a sucker for this stuff and I'm lucky I have children to give me excuses to see them)
6. Busy-ness around my coaching - loving it!
7. My family has healthy hair, my family has healthy hair
8. Invitation to be in a bookclub - Reading A Complaint Free World
9. 40th Birthday trip plan has been set - Austin, TX in April with "My Girls" from college
10. MY BROTHER IS HOME FROM WAR

Circle of Healing

Last night my family participated in a wonderful ancient ceremony we like to call...KILL THE NITS. We (really "I") decided to have a healing ceremony to finally end our journey with these critters (actually the shampoo bottle says to do the treatment 7 days after first application). We stood in a circle, held hands, closed our eyes and took some yoga breaths (well Monkey did heiena breaths). Then I asked all members of the tribe to visualize the tops of their heads seeing cleanness, shiny scalps (like glistening water on an ocean), to visually run their fingers through their scalps and describe what you see...I had everyone yell...NOTHING. Then we chanted..."Our family is Nit Free, our family is nit free, our family is nit free". Then we ceremoniously doused our heads with pesticidal shampoo (not really but I'm sure there is something toxic in it) then we combed with nit combs. In the middle of our hair treatments I had a revelation....we should no long say NIT FREE because just saying the word (I'm not going to write it again by the way) may be telling the universe that we want more of them....so our new family mantra is.....drum roll.....We have Healthy Hair (WHHH), We have Healthy Hair, We Have Healthy, Hair....WHHH - eeeeeee....and then my husband called some people and I am now wearing a nice new WHITE jacket and I'm typing this with my mouth and a pen because the jacket strangely makes it hard to use my hands! tra-la-la-la...peace out.

Many Hats

How many hats do you wear in a day?

Today I was a:

1) Mother - kids to school and home

2) New friend - a long conversation with a new acquaintance from my coaching program

3) Business coach/consultant - new client

4) Coach/therapist - to an old friend
5) Daughter - mommy called
6) President - 'holdin' down the schoolhouse'

7) Wife - this lice thing has kept us apart a bit....on separate couches, separate beds, separate schedules etc....so a kiss bye in the morning and kiss hi in the evening is our M/O right now.

Did I wear the hats well? questionable

Did I actually wear them? figuratively yes

Am I proud of myself? yes because on the whole I'm doing the best I can with all good intentions and that, right now, is what I am all about....so now what hat do I wear....PARTY HAT!

Its Friday! Maybe we'll do the "La Cucaracha" with our "la nitty, nattas"....OK that was really bad, I think I'm losing it. This post is officially OVER. Peace out.

Pesonal Hero

OK, so how cool would it feel if your father said that you were his personal hero...that would be like the ultimate in awesome I believe. Well, that is what my dad said about my brother. He is returning home ANY MINUTE NOW from Afghanistan. The welcome committee is prepped, ready and waiting at the airport to envelope him back into their lives and one of those greeters will be my father. Who, by the way is a hero himself...Vietnam, Beirut, cold war (hunting submarines from the air) and much more (that he wasn't supposed to tell me because he'd of had to kill me). So for a hero to call a hero a hero is like -CACHOW....Superman and Batman as BFFs. Welcome home brother....and I have a warm girlie colored bed (my daughter's) for you when you come for Thanksgiving...or I could throw you in the basement on the hard cold floor if that is more comfortable for you at the moment having done that for 9 months! I love you man and am aching to squeeze you myself....Nov 25 cannot come soon enough.