Gratitude X 10

1. Our new school - me likey
2. Ride on a friend's fancy boat
3. Dinner with same friends
4. Coaching calls
5. Cool-ish weather
6. Kid haircuts
7. Times-tables 90% covered
8. Bike rides with friends
9. Brewery at the end of said bike ride
10. Movie watching with husband

Pictures - Left is from Lion at chinese restaurant, Right is from wedding I attended a few weeks ago...they made me think of the same thing.

Now what?

As of yesterday, I have stepped down from post as president (of the PTA). We are now attending a very different school than before. This brings me so much relief that I think it will take a while to figure out what that means for me. I NEVER saw myself as the PTA president. I saw myself as someone doing what I felt needed to be done to help keep a school that was struggling (both financially and academically) afloat. I felt compelled to be of support in whatever way I could. I believe with my background in Change Management I was able to see the big picture and help to move the school where it needed to go...but I really never had 'designs' to be the president. I guess its what I felt I HAD to do.

Now, we will be attending a school that looks like it has a lot of "presidential" candidates and perhaps has an easy time filling its seats on the PTA board. It is possible that I could be a "good volunteer" and that is it. Now...how do I keep that perspective and not get tied up in PTA'ness again? I need to keep my head low and sit on my hands....that is what I need to do. Somehow, once I wrote that I could feel the 'doubt' in me...that I'll be able to do that. I have a "partner in crime" going to the same school so we'll have to set up some "checks and balances" for ourselves to keep us appropriately dedicated but not overbooked. Each of us are thinking about branching out to doing more career-enhancing activities so that will help us focused on our goals. What is the point of this blog?...I think it is some self talk...it is for me to acknowledge my relief of the "weight" I was carrying at the other school and now it is a time to rewrite my goals as a parent of elementary-age kids. It feels really good...I like it....I hope it lasts...please keep me honest on this goal of "less is more".

Pins and needles

I am awaiting word as to where my children will attend school. The district had to rifle through more requests than they had predicted (is my guess) and so our 'eleventh hour' is nigh when we should have known way in advance so that we could prepare our kids, buy school supplies, attend the "meet and greet" at the school. As I write this, the meet and greet at the school we would like to attend is happening....but I feel compelled to sit in my chair and wait for the call. I feel that it is risky to move from my post just in case they decide to only honor the requests if you happen to be there when they call...or the place is given to someone else. Although I know that is ludicrous to think that, at this point I don't want to ruin my chances. My heart is beating fast, my legs are shaking (nervous tick I share with my brother), and I'm sweating (wanna smell?)...I wasn't even this nervous on my wedding day. So...here I sit...watching a proverbial "pot boil".

Learn me some facts

One of the complaints I have about the school curriculum in our district is that they do not require the kids to memorize their times tables. So, it has been my job this summer to 'learn my daughter her times tables'. Learnin' with mommy has never been a good thing. My daughter and I butt heads (or I would like to say that my daughter does the first butting and then it goes downhill from there). My summer was a mad mess so I hadn't had a chance to sit and focus until now. We had done worksheets but not really just sitting down and going for it. So every day this week I have worked with my daughter on her times tables. It is a rough go. It is hard to convince her that it is for her own good. I even used the dreaded comparison (which I know isn't fair) to her friend who knows most of them. I am using all sorts of tactics (and bribery is next on my list). We're getting there slowly but surely...and I am hell bent on making this happen. I will soon be switching to my 3rd grade drone of reciting the frickin times tables...like this....7x2=14, 7x3=21, 7x4=28 ...oh Lordy please get me through this without wringing my daughter's neck.

Not feelin' it

Today, I am feeling blocked for the first time in a while. I think there are several things at play here:

1. I'm bored with myself


2. I have low energy


3. I'm conflicted about life changes that are happening


4. I've been reading some great writing and feeling inadequate


5. Nothing is inspiring me at the moment


6. All of the above


7. None of the above


8. Something totally different.

I even spent time today trying to find inspiration. I read other blogs, I read some quotes that might give me a boost...and I got "nothin'". I was looking for a quote on anticipation (as I'm anxiously awaiting word on WHERE MY KIDS WILL BE GOING TO SCHOOL NEXT TUESDAY). Here is one that feels appropriate

In the landscape of time, there are few locations less comfortable than that of one who waits for some person or event to arrive at some unknown moment in the future.
Robert Grudin
Source: Time and the Art of Living, Page: 102

And this one works from my fear of flying and swine flu

"There is no terror in a bang; only in the anticipation of it."
Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)
Source: Alfred Hitchcock

So, that is all I've got today...not feelin' it at all. I think maybe a nap or just general "boob tube" time could be what I want. I bet a walk would be a better thing...but again, I'm not feelin' it.

Mood choosing

Today I awakened before the sun was up and thought it was the middle of the night. I was ready for a long go at the "toss and turn" of trying to fall back asleep...but being the smart woman I am, I looked at the clock and found that it was 5:30am...a reasonable-ish hour to get out of bed. So, I headed out to an exercise class and got my day started.

My day had started on such a good note that I even wrote down things that I was grateful for: blue sky, music, exercise, healthy food, time to read, making headway on my "to-do" list, ability to facilitate a meeting with my "tribe"....etc. While I was at it, I decided to make a list of 10 things I'd like to accomplish today and 5 were already done by 10am.

This is the kind of mood I'd like to choose on a daily basis. This feeling of "skip in my step" is addicting....so how do I keep this "high"....I think the key is awareness. My intention today is to notice my mood and observe the circumstances, feelings, actions and reactions I have. My hope is that I will have mostly positive 'good mood' things today but if something should make me stumble....I will notice and observe and attempt to redirect. Just talking about it in this way makes me excited to play "mood anthropologist" for a day. The key is to take note and report the facts (without judgement) and then to make observations on the trends and what might be learned or changed. My first data point moving forward will be that I feel a sense of accomplishment and pride once I hit the "publish post" button on my blog....click!

Gratitude X 10

1. Changes
2. Certification
3. Choices
4. Connections
5. Celebrations
6. Children
7. Conversations
8. Centered-ness
9. Courage
10. Contentment

Life may change, but it may fly not;

Hope may vanish, but can die not;

Truth be veiled, but still it burneth;

Love repulsed, - but it returneth.

Shelley - Hellas

I have choices

Through a series of unfortunate events, I had a bad day yesterday. They were your garden variety events...daughter was being a bitch (yes I said that), son hurt himself, couldn't find my purse, had an altercation at the Aquarium over the fact that they wouldn't give me my discount. So, I was in a gumpy mcgrumpster mood and was bringing down my friends. I found myself saying... I don't even LIKE aquariums, or parades, or zoos.... I imagine I was acting more of a 2 year old than a 40 year old (see picture of my 2 year old daughter).

As I settled into our aquarium visit (that I didn't really care for), I went to the bathroom and as I was washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and did a 'Stuart Smalley'....I said to myself (in my head)...I am deciding right now to get over my grump and enjoy myself from here on out. Then I announced to my friend that I had made that decision and then...I DID enjoy myself (I love the seals and otters at the aquarium)...and I'm sure my friends were relieved that I had transformed back into the 40 year old woman that they know. This was a lesson for me that I can choose the mood and choosing the better mood is good for all involved. I believe that it also lets more good things into my life...whereas if I stayed in the bad mood, I'd get more bad mood experiences thrown my way. My mantra for the day is "I choose the mood".

Geez Louise

The exact words I just said to my kids:

Geez Louise, I'd like to take a vacation from you right now.

To which my son said:

Mommy that was mean what you just said.

To which I said:

I know it was but it is how I feel right now.

To which there was silence.

Emotions of a day

1. Looking at baby pictures with my daughter - nostalgia
2. Busily cleaning up the house - rewarding/avoiding the anxiety of my day
3. Preparing for my coaching exam - nerve racking
4. Coaching Martha - calm and in the moment
5. Martha's results - joy and humble all mixed up (based on her feedback)
6. Delivering our decision to the elementary school that we will be leaving - heart wrenching
7. Telling my daughter that she'll have to go to another school - "gulp" but proud of her response
8. Listening to my drugged up mother (from surgery) telling me something that made NO SENSE - laughter (mixed with a little sympathy)
9. Watching a woman hit my parked car - numbness and disattachment
10. Telling my son that he'll have to go to another school - sadness in the heart but knowing this is right
11. Vacuuming my house - TUNING OUT THE NOISE IN MY HEAD.

On a tear

This morning I got some sort of wild hair in me (or is it hare?) to do some serious decluttering and cleaning. This hair/hare has started to fizzle a bit, but I feel satisfied that the HUGE pile of school papers have been whittled down, and the junk drawer has less junk and all the little annoying kid toys around the house are at least in the correct room. I feel satisfied and perhaps even a little bit dedicated to try to do more of this over the next few days. Here's to feeling just a little lighter and tidier. And here's to the tiny glimmer of hope that it stays that way (yeah right).

Letting go

Today I dealt with the topic of "letting go" in my Mastermind Group. We described what letting go meant to each of us. I described it as the space between working to make something happen and the "something" at the other end. I think both are necessary...to have a vision of your desired goal and to do the work preparing for said goal, but then there is that space where each have been sufficiently articulated, translated, propagated, masticated, regurgitated, reiterated...etc (cue INXS) and then you have to "let go" and have faith that what is on the other end is "exactly as it should be" either bigger/better than you thought, totally different but even cooler, not what you thought at all and kinda scary but actually might be a gift in disguise. The letting go is what I think is faith. It is that magical juicy, palpable feeling that you know that something will happen, you don't know what it is, you're a bit scared to turn back the curtain to find out but, but....you can tell that it is what needs to happen (even if it sucks at first blush).

I had to deal with such letting go this year when dealing with issues at my kids' school and just today I have found the answer and it is exciting, scary, worrisome, more manageable than what I was planning etc. The answer to my ask is different than what I'd envisioned but, I couldn't have predicted this outcome and it might just be way better than what I had first worked toward. I have to tell you the space between today and when I put the balls in motion was 6 months and it was a space of doubt, hope, doubt, hand wringing, doubt, barnstorming, hope, doubt...and then the answer. If I could have just 'let go' without out the tornado of emotions perhaps I could have spent that time and energy solving another exciting challenge in my life. I'm not sure if I have the enlightened mind and soul yet to be able to "let go" of the squirrely thoughts and actions between the visioning and the results...but I now have evidence that things work out exactly as they should OR even better. Martha Beck has said, all prayers are answered and if they aren't at first, then something even better is waiting for you. I didn't quote her exactly but that thought gives me chills to think that I can actually give up the 'arguing with reality' and have faith that just around the bend is something even better. What do you wish to 'let go' of?...what are you holding onto? What purpose is the "holding on" serving? What would letting go mean? These are questions I ask of you AND myself.

Gratitude X 10

1. reconnecting with home
2. reconnecting with friends
3. being lazy
4. catching up on laundry
5. catching up on emails
6. laughing
7. watching on demand movies
8. kids piled on me while watching movies
9. sunshine (but not too hot)
10. energy for a less lazy next week

Hand in my face

This morning I awakened to my son's hand in my face. At some point he decided to come snuggle with me after my husband got up. When I opened my eyes I saw this small hand through my blurry eyes and for a moment it looked small like a baby's hand. I was transported back in my mind to when he was a small baby and I had a skip in my heart. Then I had another skip that was more of wistful sadness...my son's hand is not getting any smaller. It is moment's like these that make me remember that the clock is ticking on his childhood and I would like to be more present with both my kids.

On a similar and wistful sadness note...I often say that I really cannot remember my son being a baby. That is because I had a challenging 18 month old when he was born and every minute was spent wrangling her. I even remember leaving my son in his car seat most of the time and when I would pass by (on my way to my daughter) his arms and legs would start moving in what I'm thinking was excitement) and then I would look back and they would stop. Here is what I imagine he was thinking....A person, a person, maybe if I move and look cute she'll pick me up....and then...bummer, maybe next time.

I think the second born can get a little bit of a bum ride (unless he/she is born to supermom). Sometimes I wonder if his 'sensitive nature' is linked to this sort of "afterthought" existence when he was a baby. I am not beating myself up about it because I know that I did what I could with the resources I had, but I would love to have a rewind so I can REMEMBER MORE OF HIM. Maybe that is why now whenever I see him I have to squeeze him...because he's soooooooo cute, and maybe I missed some snuggles in the beginning. (picture is of my son at 1.5 months)

10,000 hours

While on vacation I read the book Outliers by Malcom Gladwell. The book was quite compelling as the author took what he called "outliers" (those who rise to the top either in sports, business, intellect, etc.) and looked at how 'they got there' and in each case. He offered a hypothesis that it wasn't "what you thought".

I am never really good at summarizing books especially if they are complex and have many different facets to them...so I'll pick the most compelling bit for me in the book...it is his concept that if you accumulate 10,000 hours at something that is what will push you ahead "of the rest". Of course there is opportunity, zeitgeist etc that also factors in, but the number of hours spent doing what it is that makes you great at what you do is what helps for the 'cream to rise to the top'. For example, because of Bill Gates good fortune, he had access to sophisticated computers to program on at an early age (so his birthdate and his "luck" are some factors) but the thing that made the difference between being a kid interested in computers and someone who defined the software industry is the sheer number of hours he programmed. In Gladwell's book, he tells of how Mr. Gates would spend all his waking hours (and many in which he should be sleeping) programming, and then he'd find other ways and places to program, and then program some more, which then got the attention of the right people who allowed him to program more...and so on and so forth...but if you added up the hours from his early days until he rose to the top, his hours of programming would enter into the 10,000s. So, the theory is that those who get to the 10,000 hour mark (with a few other variables thrown in) are the ones who are likely to be successful at what they do.

So, what have I spent 10,000 hours doing? My first inclination is watching television. I say that a little 'tongue and cheek' but really I don't quite know what/if I have a 10,000 hour "skill"....and Gladwell did his research post hoc (meaning they already had been successful) so I'm not sure if you can pre load your 10,000 hours to move you toward greatness BUT I do believe that if you spend time doing stuff you love and you do more and more of it...you will rise to 'something' that will be fulfilling and possibly, possibly will also give you recognition...but I would argue to set out on a 10,000 hour journey solely focused on the task would be a) unfulfilling b) wouldn't account for other things like luck, timing, LIFE etc. c) and what if they are the "wrong" hours to spend?

What are you spending 10,000 hours doing? Are they the 10,000 hours that you want? (and lets try to add the word meaningful...which is something else he purports as key). Right now my 10,000 hours are a bit of a mix of learning, reading, practicing all that is coaching/self help. That feels good, it is interesting, I am "in the flow" and I get my energy with it, so even if at the moment I don't have my sights on "rising to the top" but doing meaningful work and making a difference...I'll keep on that path. Again I ask, what are your 10,000?

Awkward

It seems "slang" begins to infiltrate a child's language most profoundly at 9 years old (based on my research so far of my daughter and her friends n=3). They tend to use the word "that's awkward" for just about everything and it really doesn't 'fit' the context most of the time. I spent a moment to explain to my daughter that my definition of awkward is say, you get a rip in your pants on stage during a performance. Or, when great aunt Nellie bends down to kiss you with her red flaming lips and you try to move away but she still gets you. Or when you have to square dance with boys in 4th grade gym class (I didn't really use these examples). But they use it for EVERYTHING.

• I can't buckle my seatbelt: Awkward


• I got icing on my arm while making a cake: Awkward


• My brother is driving me crazy: Awkward


• Its time to go to bed: Awkward

Again, I am fabricating the scenarios, but truly it feels as though any scenario is awkward. How am I really going to know when she really felt awkward and I need to help her through a sticky spot? Soon she'll be calling me Phat and I won't know if she means cool or on the chubby side. Or Dope when I'll think that someone is slipping her drugs when it just means "cool". Or fo shizzle...which then I'll be really confused because I will think that something is fizzling (or I don't know what) when she really means "for sure". Oh my lordy...what am I going to do? Gone are the days of the easy slang words like "cool", "right on", "groovy"....somehow those are easier to translate. So...we're just at 9 years of age...who knows what is still to come. OMG LOL

finding my bliss in a mug

Excerpts from an email I sent to my circle of coaching friends:

I dropped the kids at camp and decided to get a store bought coffee (from an unmentioned major coffee store which started in this region of the country). I have a rule that I can only buy said coffee if I bring my own container. I had left my house (or thought I had) with a container but somehow it has gone missing (I bet still on the counter in my kitchen). So, I decided to break my rule today (rules are made to be broken, right?) because I am feeling as if I NEEDED this store bought coffee by then. I waited in a looooong line and happened to be near the "sale" merchandise. I was drawn to this small (smaller than the amount of coffee I think I NEED) travel mug in the color orange (which is my color of choice these days). On it is a hummingbird and a butterfly (and other outdoor creatures)...so now, I'm thinking I might need to have this mug. So, I do purchase the mug (on sale) have coffee put in said mug ....now I am happy and joyful because I have a new travel mug in the color I like with the symbols that resonate with me AND I didn't break my rules.

As a bonus, the hummingbird (I love them) and butterfly (Martha Beck's metaphor for change) are holograms so they MOVE. Now when I'm in a boring PTA meeting I can sit and watch my symbols move and remind me of my essential self. By the way, the size of the mug was bothering me but I also think that it is a blessing too...I really DON'T need the amount of coffee I think I do AND I always use tons of creamer which doesn't help my waistline....so even that "small" issue is a blessing. So...how does this fit toward my business?...it reminds me to follow my bliss, have fun, find things that make my heart skip and "know" that it all leads to something bigger and better than I can imagine (and this I believe). Here's to fun travel mugs that hold coffee (and sometimes bloody marys).

To which I received a reply:

That's so cool, Laura!
I bet the Bloody Mary in the travel mug would make your PTA meetings even less boring.
xoHannah

There is more to this story and its comical....but to protect myself....I must keep it to myself...but lets just say, her comment might not be too far from being accurate!

Jzoom

Today tennis camp was cancelled due to rain. As soon as camp would have started, the rain stopped. My son and I were left to our own and we played Light Sabers. I used the word Jzoom over and over and over. I haven't spent much playtime with my youngest in his whole life. I was either carting him to my daughters multiple extracurricular activities (of which he has not even come close to having as many) or running errands with me while she was in school. Today I was busy monkeying around on my computer but when he asked I complied because soon...oh too soon...he will not even want to spend a moment with me. So, I was happy to be a Jedi for a bit, play bingo, play cards and then whatever comes up next. I will cherish these little snippets of childhood that I get to witness...and hope that there are more. So...now I'm off to play school teacher 'methinks'.

Which way is UP?

Coming back from trips is always interesting to me. No matter the length of my absence from home I always have a little after-travel slump. This trip is not any different. I did putz around the house a bit and unpack a few bags, but on the whole I preferred to just watch TV and do nothing yesterday (even though it was a lovely day outside). I know that in the next few weeks I'll be getting my "act together" for the start of school (PTA prez for another year), finishing up last minute photo edits (for 6 clients), getting back in the coaching groove, and reorganizing my house. My mind is moving toward the latter (reorganizing) because when school starts its like New Year's Day where you want your life to start out fresh. Our closets, bedrooms and toyroom could use a purge. Now that I have a 9 and 7 year old I believe some of the dinosaurs and polly pockets just might need a new home...but I don't want to rush them out of childhood just yet...so we'll see. So, for now, I will grab a cup of coffee and reflect about this...and maybe in a week I'll have my stuff together...or maybe not!

Gratitude X 10

1. I'm home


2. I'm home


3. I'm home


4. I'm home


5. I'm home


6. I'm home


7. I'm home


8. I'm home


9. I'm home


10. FINALLY

Picture is of a "house" my son (and cousins) made on the beach in Oregon.