Light and joy

I bought a new toy for my photography....a lighting kit. This will save me some lighting headaches in the future when I'm trying to do indoor photography with my clients (mainly itty bitty babies). I didn't have as many troubles when I lived in North Carolina (ie ample available light)...but here in Washington State...overcast and "darker" is the norm.

Today I will be using my new gear to light a family with a newborn. I am so excited to see the results and to meet baby Violet...she'll be the squishiest newest baby I've done in a very long while....

Here is a picture of my son this morning while I was testing the lights.

The nerve...

My husband came home early from work...made a beeline for the channel changer (of which I was watching a show) and changed it without a word of whether I was finished or if I minded. Somehow the Virginia Tech Hokie Hypnotizer has taken my kind, caring and loving husband and created a monster. I will forgive in time, but for now...I stew just a bit. Just a little "please" and "thank you" would have done the trick for me.

My other issue is that the background noise of games (cheers from crowds and the voice overs) is as close to a mental 'scratching the chalkboard' as I can handle sometimes. Today I had a taxing day (energy-wise) so....I am on edge...just a bit!

Oh how I wish...

...I could get off my petutie and feel like I'm doing something productive! Emails, making lists, checking facebook, listening to coaching recordings...while a few of my actions are SOMEWHAT productive...they aren't making me feel "ablaze"....but I somehow cannot get the match to light to make me 'blazin'. In time, my dear, in time!

The little things

Yesterday I was in a very irritated mood...not necessarily grumpy...just off somehow. The kids bothered me, my husband's eating noises bothered me, the weather bothered me...something was off. I had to run an errand to the photo store and when I was making my purchase I said...if I can give you exact change for this transaction, then I'll be in a better mood and I'll feel better. I had the right amount and immediately, my mood and energy shifted back into more calm and relaxed. This crazy, silly, nonsensical event was what I chose to give me the incentive to 'buck up'. That to me is curious.

I do like it when I can give the exact amount required...I think I have obsessive compulsive disorder!

Resolve

Today is the day that I test my resolve to actually walk rain or shine. I gathered my courage and called my walking buddy (with the slightest...oh who'm I kidding...huge amount of hope she was busy). Unfortunately, I mean fortunately (not) she is available and heading down in 10. Yeah me (not)! I know the conversation will outweigh the discomfort so all told "it's a good thing" (a la Martha Stewart).

Gratitude X 10

1. End-to-end rainbow after a light rain


2. Halloween parties (3 yesterday)


3. Laughing at myself


4. Husband home


5. New Vegas coffee mug


6. Pumpkin pancakes


7. Trader Joe's


8. Poetry


9. Introspection


10. Emails with friends

BEGIN ANYWHERE

My dear dear friend Lisa sent me a card; out of the blue; just because and I love her for that. She is the best at that, and whenever I am buying a card for her (which isn't often because I am sadly a bad card giver), I feel the stress of knowing that she probably has 'seen them all'. Anyhoo (which is a word I got from her), this card was just what I needed and the words on it made her think of me. Isn't it lovely to think that someone thinks of you when you don't even know it? How many times is that happening? Wouldn't it be nice to get some sort of radar ping when that happens, so you can at least sense it and feel the warmth of the 'knowing' that someone cares...lets clarify it, let the ping only happen when it is positive thoughts. Sometimes I do believe that we do have a 'radar ping'. If we are really in tune with our lives and we are sensing everything that is going on without out the squirrelly chatter of our mind, we can sense it...and that is when you get the call or email from someone whom you had just thought about....that is the 'your ears must have been burning' times. I have been having more and more of these "coincidences" and as much as it is woo woo and maybe you might think I've gone off the deep end, I think that there is something there. Call me crazy...I'm cool with that...I like thinking and believing that there is something to this...so there.

Anyhoo...let me get back to the card. The card that my friend chose is simple. White with black letters. Two words (well 4 because it has the name of the author of the quote). It reads BEGIN ANYWHERE (JOHN CAGE). Lisa said in her message that I "live" these words. Guess what though, my squirrelly mind said almost as if it was a whisper in my ear..."No you don't".

Wow...what is that all about? So...right now, this very moment, I will give you what I call my 2 minute dialog (with no editing) of what I think this means. This to me is the best way to get at what I really think...almost like accessing the true me...maybe even like a trance....so here goes.

I can see how I give off the sense that I "begin anywhere" because I am the type of gal to try anything, move anywhere, start new things, 'give a go at it'...but I don't know that I've given myself credit for that. I also think that I might do these things because they are what someone else thinks I should do. Having said that, I started my photography thing based on a gut, but it was also because people said I had a good eye. I chose to do this coaching thing but it was based on a comment from someone in 1998 who said that someone else did it so maybe you should. I didn't necessarily come up with my "passions" on my own, I needed someone else to tell me. But, isn't that how all things work? You need to know what your options are before you know what to do. I think my inner critic actually was telling me that right this minute I am NOT beginning anywhere. Right now I am on a search for the right thing to do, the right niche, the right access point, the right time, the right amount of knowledge, the right amount of networking...but really what is the harm in just starting "anywhere" and moving along that path until something else tells me the right path. I think right now I am feeling an 'all or nothing' concept...where I need all the answers and as a result, nothing is happening. I feel stalled. I feel powerless. I feel like maybe this is all that I will do with my life (not necessarily a bad life by the way). Right now I don't feel that fire in me to just blaze the trail and figure it out as I go. What would happen if I don't do anything more? What would happen if I did do something more? The second question was the more 'scary' one...the first felt safe and cozy. The scary one is that I don't know what the something more is. I don't have the confidence in myself to just go for it and not to have any expectations for what the next step will be. My final thoughts (because my 2 minutes are up)......well, there are no final thoughts, my mind went blank.

INTERESTING. I recommend this approach to people. Ask yourself a question and then set the timer and then write for that amount of time and do a free flow thought process. You might find something fabulous, interesting, or you just spent time getting to know yourself...all is good. My feeling right this moment is that I don't have the answers but...in my chest, I have this sense that I want to explode that something wants to just break right through my skin out of my ribcage...very interesting....hmmmm....

Just saying...

It has been a day and a half since I posted. I had a post all thought out yesterday and then...NOTHING. So here is what I was going to post.

I was driving along and for some reason was thinking about the seasons changing (maybe because it was rainy and yucky) and I remembered what I wrote about that. I was all thoughtful and metaphorical in my head and stuff. The last thought I had was about spring and the anticipation of it all.

Then there was a long light so I peeked in the book from the Library called Love Poems from God by Daniel Ladinsky. I just randomly opened and here is what I read...and then I gasped...

I WILL JUST SAY THIS
by St. Teresa of Avila

We
bloomed in Spring.

Our bodies
are the leaves of God.

The apparent seasons of life and death
our eyes can suffer,

but our souls, dear, I will just say this forthright:
they are God
Himself,

we will never perish unless He
does

Pat Pat

I have served a home cooked meal to my children every night in the past week except ONE...and the ONE was a fundraiser night where buying pizza meant money for our school. This is HUGE for me because my husband is the main chef in the house. This is my proverbial 'pat on the back' for stepping up to the plate (no pun intended). I will, however, gladly 'stand down' when chef-Dad comes home from Vegas!

...oh my

Today I scheduled a flu shot for the kids and me. We were first in line (the clinic started at exactly the time the kids should have been in school). They asked if we were there for the regular or the H1N1. I was surprised because I had my doubts that they'd have them for the 'general folk'. I gulped and said...both. Here is my thinking:

• Yowza! Here is what I had hoped for, and do I really want to 'take the risk'?


• Yikes! We're the first kids in this clinic to get the H1N1 vaccine, will I be a maverick or the norm?


• Yuck! They have to put it up their noses.


• Darn! I didn't make the cut for 'at risk' (but the kids did for their age group).


• Yippee! Its over.


• Please God! Let this work.

This is one more step in feeling 'at ease' in this uncertain time. Now my intention is to keep an eye out for myself in terms of getting the vaccine, and perhaps my husband too! In the meantime, I use the words my dad has said many times in his career...AT EASE! (ish).

The list grows

I am slowly but surely building a list of things I DO NOT like (but tolerate in small doses)...and they all are "fun" for kids. The list so far is:

1. Clowns


2. Festivals


3. Parades


4. Aquariums


5. Zoos


6. Corn Mazes

Yesterday I took my kids to the punkn' patch. We had been there last year and I knew the kids would want to do the Maze AGAIN. I was hoping to sit it out...but then I had visions of bad men lurking behind the stalks and decided I needed to go...but I wasn't going to have fun. I plunked down my $21 dollars and we headed in. In this maze they have a punch card where you have to find 8 different places within the maze and punch your card. Last year we left before finding them all...this year we had hopes for finding more...but we didn't. I now KNOW that next year I am NOT going in. Here are my thoughts from yesterday's "adventure".

1. $21 - OUCH


2. Mud - YUCK


3. Crows - CREEPY


4. A murder of crows taking flight out of the corn - I WANT OUT OF HERE


5. Getting lost in the maze - VISIONS OF THE SHINING


6. Kids asking to quit - HEAVEN TO MY EARS


7. Getting lost finding our way out - I WANT OUT NOW!!!


8. Getting out of the maze alive - FREEDOM...and then...NEVER AGAIN!

I am curious about my 'negative' feelings about all of these quintessential things of childhood. I swear I had a happy childhood (minus the torture from my brothers, the multiple moves, losing a dog, getting lost in a Blizzard, peeing my pants in 3rd grade, Sister Elizabeth, bullies...and so forth). I feel like a Scrooge...but deep down, all of these things stir up 'yuck' versus excitement. What's that all about?

Gratitude X 10

1. Clients (confidence)
2. My peeps (connection)
3. Husband home (and then away again...sad face)
4. Son on the mend - (healthy home again...happy face)
5. Kettle corn (yummy in my tummy...I did share a little)
6. Photographing babies (too cute for words)
7. Rain - reason to stay inside (warm and cozy)
8. No rain - during soccer games (fast and zippy)
9. Punkin' patches (mucky mud is fun every once in a while)
10. My creativity (always surprised by it)

Here's what I think of your cooking

Last night we had dinner at our neighbor's house.

As my son was walking down their walkway to head home, he wretched twice.

He hasn't been well for 3 days but I thought he was on the mend.

Obviously I was wrong.

Thank goodness for the torrential downpours to wash away the puke (lovely eh!).

So far he's the only one who is sick.

My mantra in my head is...I invite health into my home, I invite health into my home.

Come on in HEALTH....you are welcome to live here; you'll be happy you came; we'll treat you nice and feed you well and play games and have fun.....please say you'll stay.

Shower

I set out for my morning walk. I felt a few drops of rain. I thought, a little rain won't hurt anyone. With every step the drops became more plentiful. By the time I reached the top of the hill to collect my friend, I was drenched.

I stopped in to get her. In the minutes that I waited for her, the rain subsided and the rest of my walk was actually delightful. The hill up to my friend's house, while very challenging for me, isn't that long. So for that tiny spell I was in my own world of rain almost as if I had a shower head above only me. I was smiling and breathing it all in; what fun it is to dance in the rain? Ask me that same question in December...I might have a different answer.

Back in the race

I feel like this week is a write-off in terms of energy toward anything "moving forward". I have a tendency to beat myself up about this and feel like I actually DON'T want to make my passions and interests work for me. I spent too much time 'diddling' on the Internet, responding to emails, and not 'getting out there'. I am stalled and I am deciding that stalled doesn't really do me any good. BUT...what am I going to do about it?

First, I'm going to recognize that I have done some things that still feel forward focused:

1. Wrote my blog daily (which is a form of meditation for me now)


2. Wrote a few pages about stuff that is keeping me stuck


3. Participated in a mastermind group


4. Read a little bit


5. Listened to 2 coaching classes


6. Researched a few websites for ideas for mine


7. Coached someone today


8. Took photographs for some friends

Ok...now I'm feeling a little bit better about myself. The second thing I would like to do is to sit down and ask myself, what do I want to do next to move my business forward. This will be more of a brain dump of all things that might work toward me feeling the momentum I'd like to have. Then, I will add some 'meat' to my list and prioritize it. Then, I'll pick the thing that is most 'fun' to do and set an intention of completing it via babysteps...making daily progress in manageable ways and then I will REWARD MYSELF...which looks like to me a night out with a friend tomorrow at a seminar about 'manifesting what you want' (right on topic with this whole concept).

Its amazing what a little perspective, a pep talk and a tiny, tiny bit of action can do to start the energy back into the right direction. Where are you stumped, what are you not giving yourself credit for, what can you do to make the smallest bit of progress. In my world the small steps are called "turtle steps" and if you think of Aesop's Fable, the Tortoise and the Hare...who won? My first turtle step will be to brainstorm for 15 minutes everything my mind comes up with to do to move myself to the next level (and even to figure out what the heck the next level is). If you find you're stuck...stop, drop and roll, Dick roll...no really, stop, breath, take a look around you and find out what you can be proud of, then start a manageable and realistic action plan. Be kind to yourself and move one turtle step in the right direction...it'll feel better than what you're currently doing? I feel pumped...gotta go before I lose the momentum.

little bird

My little bird son has a sore throat. Last night at 3am I was certain that we were starting the swine flu journey (because that is what you do when you have catastrophic anxiety AND its 3am). This morning, in the light of day, it looks like a sore throat, no fever, and a day of watching cartoons for my son. That doesn't mean that I'm standing down my guard. Lysol and I are going to be good friends for the unforeseen future.

I call my son a little bird because he gosh darn looks like one when he is just in his skivvies. He is by no means unhealthy; he's just skinny. We call him our Ethiopian boy (no offense Ethiopians). He actually is (or should be) the role model in our home. He only eats when he's hungry (he has been known to turn down dessert), he eats quite slowly at the table, and he has loads of energy to burn. The rest of us 'scarf down' our food, do not turn down dessert and are prone to sedentary activities...and then if you compare us and him...you can see who has it right.

Here is a vision of our son....

The other three of us cozy on the couch watching Project Runway, our son, zooming around the house running circles from kitchen, to dining room, to family room and back again...Bob and Jillian from Biggest Loser would be proud of him and they'd be chewing the rest of us out! GET OFF THAT COUCH AND GIVE ME 20!

Oh my

Its a blustery day in the neighborhood. I loved my walk this morning...it felt harder than usual with the wind swirling.

Auntie Em, Auntie Em!

Big Picture

I had another dreamy night and I kept waking up saying to myself..."keep your eye on the big picture". I know that I had several different dreams and I cannot remember the details, but the 'big picture' came out of all of them...at least that is what my early morning interpretation is of my dream.

So what is this about the big picture. I think for me the big picture is about always, in any scenario good or bad is to step back from the situation and witness it for what it is. If it is an emergency, take a breath and ask, what do I need to do next? versus the other way which is a frenetic running around, arms flailing, end of the world kind of histrionics. That does not serve anyone. In the good things in life...to put the big picture umbrella on is to breath and ask, what do I like about this? Do I want more? How can I get more? I can see on this side of the coin there are times when you can get caught up in the emotion of it all too and not 'witness' what is really happening, that you are experiencing joy and to savour it and find ways to have more.

The big picture works for me...it helps me keep my "eye on the prize" and to be able to rationally decide next steps for either getting out of a situation OR getting more of what I want.

That is my 2 cents on big picture for today! I'm looking for more insights to come.

Gratitude X 10

1. Colors of fall


2. Pumpkin carving


3. Workin' on my fitness


4. Meetings and lunches


5. Conversations with family


6. Costumes for my kids (scarey skeleton and glamour china girl)


7. Fun travel for my husband (SF and Vegas)


8. Time alone with my kids (forecasting a good time)


9. Cleaning person on Tuesday (next)


10. Re-newed energy for the week

On fire

I love the color of fall here...blazing reds, eye popping yellows, and a bright orange that I have no words to describe and I don't think could be replicated in a crayon box. I have to say, that the tree colors could lead to traffic accidents because they are so mesmerizing. I'm hoping for a drive in the country to get the Full Monty experience of fall in the Pacific Northwest. Wanna join me...maybe we'll have some hot cider to round out the adventure!

Germaphobe

My husband said he was feeling like a cold was coming on.

I said...I'm sleeping on the couch and no kisses for you.

Only in the past few years have I taken the germ thing seriously. I actually attribute it somewhat to my friend up the street who is the poster child for germ free living. I am more relaxed. When my daughter was a baby she would walk and crawl around the store as I sipped coffee with friends at Starbucks. I remember my friend Karen saying...well you're building up her immunities (tongue and cheek). We are a generally healthy family and so I can't see that my relaxed MO has served me wrong...but now I definitely stock hand sanitizer, wash often, and avoid certain scenes...in a low-key but aware kind of way.

I know my kids will talk of me in the future and say...

The first words out of Mom's mouth when we came home from school were:

Hi! Happy you're home...GO WASH YOUR HANDS!

Coach in training

Last night my daughter filled me in on her thought processes when she is in a grumpy mood. She says that if she wakes up feeling off, she cannot help her thoughts and actions but she knows that maybe the next day she'll feel better. She also says that for some reason she doesn't show her grumpiness anywhere but at home. In my mind I was thinking...phew at least she only carries on at home and phew she feels safe at home to do it....I must be doing something right.

I decided to talk with her about how grumpy doesn't have to be a whole day kind of thing. It could be a minute-to-minute kind of thing. I also said that everyone is entitled to have "their moments" but that doesn't mean that I will except the grumpy behavior and not tell her when she is 'diss-in' me (or us).

I talked to her about the self coaching model I use and how you can change your thoughts and then take action from a more peaceful place. I showed her the model with one of my bad mommy moments. I told her I haven't always been proud of my mommy behavior but we're all human and we all have room to grow. In the middle of our chat she announced "You're coaching me aren't you" and I said "what do you think?" and she said "yes"...so I said, you'll owe me $50 when the session is over...she then said...make it quick so I can owe you less. She's a smart one that girl.

Dreaming

I had a few dreams last night. I actually said to myself before I went to sleep...I will remember my dreams...and I did (sort of).

One dream was that I was showing my blog to someone and she said that it would totally be a perfect fit in the LA scene and she gave me some contacts. While I was honored that she felt that way about my blog, I had my doubts BUT I was also hopeful that perhaps, just maybe, it could be something. End of Dream (as I know it)

The second memory I had is awakening right after the name Collette Stevens came to my mind. The name was clear as day. I heard the name, I knew exactly how to spell it and it 'just was'. Interesting though...who the hell is Collette Stevens? I don't know her. Why was it such an emphatically clear-to-me name? I am intrigued and I'm logging the name somewhere in my memory bank so that when I meet this Collette Stevens (OR some iteration of that name), I will say 'ah yes' I knew I would find you. I did a quick google search and found a Collette A. Stevens who writes poetry but I didn't get any vibes from that and I found spelling errors (or was a grammar?...can't remember). Then I somehow found the name Collette Stevens as a character name in the movie Night of the Living Dead (2004)...which is a bit of a coincidence because I saw Zombieland this past weekend and there is a similar 'theme' there.

Dreaming is fun. Finding meaning in dreams is ever funner (how is that for grammar Ms. Collette A Stevens). I am looking forward to more dreams and then looking forward to breaking down the symbols to see what resonates with me. Yours in reverie, Chief

Seeing machine

Today I volunteered to do vision screening at the kids' school. It is a high touch low tech volunteer opportunity. You are like a machine running kids through the simple vision screening cycle and sending the 'retesters' (not to be confused with rejects) to the more serious screening place. This can make for a long monotonous experience except that the individual kids make it interesting. It was fun to witness the different "makes and models": confident kids, meek and mild kids, bored kids, clueless kids, and everything in between. I had the luck of having 2 girls with my same name which made me think...they were meant to be with me (or maybe it could be that my name is coming into fashion again but I like the first thought better). I had one kid who couldn't hold his hand over his eye to save his life, so another parent had to assist. I also had a gung ho guy who told me he had already memorized the chart and so he knew he'd pass (a little "rain man" in our midst).

One other thing that is rewarding for me, is to notice that I actually like interacting with kids on a personal level. I like to talk with them in mature and respectful ways. To make them feel special but not patronized. I liked to witness my belief that children are human beings and they deserve the same amount of respect and attention as an adult. That felt good...but then...after it was all said and done...I wanted to bathe in hand sanitizer.

I'm on a mission to stay healthy...respecting kids and respecting my body....all is good in the world!

Not sure

I'm in a neutral place right now. I woke up well rested but feel as though today will be just a 'uh' kind of day...not bad but nothing to write home about (hi mom!). Now here is where I can try to make magic. Here is where I have a choice. I COULD investigate this 'uh' feeling and either decide I like it and make my day an 'uh' day OR I could investigate and find the why of my 'uh' feeling and change my thoughts to make it better. I believe both choices are valid. I think the magical part of it is that I can choose...that feels like freedom. I think I will choose the happy choice (as is my Positive Polly way). In as poetic a way as I know how, I will say to myself TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN and then I will - Shazam!

Gratitude X 10

1. A simple life


2. Friends for my kids


3. A husband who is smart and confident


4. Books, books, books (I finished 3 books this week...and want to read more)


5. My daughter's love of the library


6. The changing of the seasons


7. Shared delight in ODD movies - we saw Zombieland and weirdly liked it


8. New clients (both in photography and in coaching)


9. Conversations with my parents


10. Good vibes

Crisp

Today I felt that quintessential feeling of the fall crisp air. It brings a flood of memories of this very feeling throughout my life. It feels like change, it brings the word 'cozy' to mind, I feel a bit of an invigorated 'freshness' especially after walking and standing at a soccer game.

Whenever I get this 'tell tale' feeling of fall I seem to transport to 2 distinct memories of visiting my brother's while I was in college. They both lived in New England while I was in college and on two separate occasions they were my "home" during breaks because my parents were in Italy at the time. I have vivid memories of each visit and I can see my breath, feel my nose going cold, I imagine a nice bulky sweater to keep me warm and just a general surge of energy when you're out in that weather. I remember going to a football game at Holy Cross college and other fun shenanigans. I remember seeing James Taylor on the lawn. I remember walking on a waterfront and shopping in a small town. I remember a drive to see the leaves and to experience the natural beauty. I remember feeling a warm energy while also feeling the chill.

I like this feeling but it feels 'transitional'...that at some point the normalcy of the chill and the staying power of the cold no longer will have this 'first day of fall' kind of feeling. I guess that is important for all of us (at least those who live in an area with seasons) to grow 'ho-hum' about a phase so that when the next one comes, we're ready for the change. The transitions from Fall to Winter is not as 'marked' but it changes into an anticipatory feeling (probably due to the holidays and the first snow). The Winter to spring probably mirrors the intensity of summer to fall. The feeling of warmth and the visual cues are vivid and refreshing...and then spring to summer is again more 'anticipatory' of what adventures will be had over the summer.

I love witnessing what the seasons do for me and how I interpret my feelings during them. I have to say that the middle of winter is my most challenging time where I can be more unsettled, a little gloomy and feel more isolated...but I can guess that I'm not alone and I can guess that it comes with the territory.

A Walk down...

...memory lane

The other night I spent three hours NOT sleeping and I was ok with it because I played fun mental games. One of them was to take a "walk" through my life. I started from my earliest memory and then just let my mind move in a chronologically "forward" trajectory. I loved to witness what came next and to 'visit' for a while and wonder about things. I found it interesting that sometimes I could tell by my body's reaction if a memory was mine or from pictures or stories told by my family. The ones that were told had less of an impact on me. I purposefully chose to remember the good stuff which made it a lovely walk...that isn't to say that I didn't pick apart a few of the memories to see how I was feeling, what I thought about it and maybe if there is something to learn about myself. Here is an observation of my memory walk:

• All of my memories are chunked by location because I moved so much. I wonder about those who have lived somewhere all their life how their memory works? I suspect they'll remember more 'rituals' than I will...like the neighborhood block party, or annual trek to somewhere...that doesn't really come to my mind.


• I cannot do an exact recall of settings but get a sense of things...like I can remember some of my classrooms by sensing where the light was coming in from the windows.
• I realized that the house I'm in now isn't too dissimilar to my house from age 3-8 in Fremont, CA...which was a weird revelation...of course my current house is updated.
  
• There are some memories that are more vivid than others and I believe they are ones that had more of a heightened emotional state...like skinny dipping with my family (I probably was more than embarrassed) OR maybe they're more vivid because our family continued to tell the stories over time.


• I noticed that in several incidences, I could sense the feeling of not being 'up to par' OR 'out of place' OR 'temporary' OR 'wanting to be more like'...I actually don't mind these feelings because I believe they're a mirror of what I'm feeling in the present. I'm excited to figure it out.

I think it is cool to be an anthropologist of your life, to figure out what makes you tick, find out the source of behavior patterns (both good and bad) and to decide if there are changes that you'd like to make. As I often like to say...Its all fun and games.

Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit

Mrs. Schindler always had fun 'good luck' rituals. One of them was that you should say rabbit, rabbit, rabbit on the first day of the month before you say anything else. I usually "think" that but never actually utter the words from my mouth. Who is this Mrs. Schindler? She was a great "mom" in my life as a teenager. I met her in Iceland in 1984 and she was played a big role in my life for the 2 years because she lived right below us in our military housing and because I dated her son. When I think of Mrs. Schindler I cannot help but smile and think of all of her qualities and then I think, I want to be like that too. Here are some of the words that come to mind when I'm reminded of Mrs. Schindler:

• Funny
• Confident
• Warm
• Positive
• "Get to it"
• Practical
• Organized
• Kind
• Generous
• Loving
• Significant
• Giving
• Witty
• Memorable
• Egg Salad Sandwich

Do you have people from your past that make you think those qualities (OR different ones that you find valuable)? Last night I couldn't sleep and all kinds of people from my past kept popping into my head. I've decided that I am going to list all the names and list my guess as to why they 'stick out' to me and what qualities I admire in them. I'm thinking that right now I'm searching for something in myself...and if I had to name it, it would be confidence and I believe these people are coming to the front of my mind for me to access what it is about them that I would like to emulate (or am already doing and to give myself credit for that). I'm excited to do this exercise. I believe I will find some truths about what I want and to hone in on where I might need to find some of the qualities in me (or find ways to be 'more of').

One other memory of Mrs. Schindler and her family: I lived in Iceland all by myself with my parents (my 2 brothers were in college). Our house was quiet and 'mature'...their house was loud and filled with energy that was actually a little out of my comfort-zone. I loved to go down and access that energy from time-to-time but also liked to go to my space in my quiet home. I am not saying that they were immature in any regard but they did have kids age 5-17 (4 of them) and in my home there was only a 16 year old (and "old people"-my parents). It brings a smile to my face thinking of the energy of the Schindler household. As a side note...our house now is more quiet than not...so I think I'm more comfortable in quiet but know that noise is also good (every so often).