Road trippin'

Off to explore the awesomeness of the Pacific Northwest....why don't you go do the same in your 'neck of the woods'...and then we can compare notes. Until we meet again I leave you with this song!

Gratitude X 10

1. Birthday wishes from around the globe
2. Beautiful flowers on my birthday
3. A flight of Champagne on my birthday shared with my two awesome friends
4. A nap on my birthday
5. Royal treatment from my family on my birthday
6. Babysitting an 18 month old
7. Anticipation of a big hug from my mom and dad in a matter of hours
8. Watching my kids use their imagination
9. Movie night with my husband - Blind Side
10. Realization that my life is exactly what I choose, every day!

Three Bears

Holy ca-moly this week has sped by. I cannot even remember what Monday looked like and then today is a speedy quick one with something happening every hour on the hour. This pace has had me a little on edge mainly because I have perfectionist tendencies so anything that involves me having to be "good at" something makes me lose sleep, stress about the details and generally doubt myself....this week I:

1. Ran a clay workshop for 4th graders and I know nothing about "clay art"
2. Wrote an article for a fundraiser where I don't know really how to write articles for papers
3. Held a party at my house where I only have so much bandwidth for fancy entertaining
4. Edited photos for a family where I can tend to nitpick each photo (speaking of nit pick...my son's class has had a case of lice this week...please, please, please...no lice)
5. Accepted lovely birthday wishes and presents where I am not comfortable with that kind of attention

On paper, that may look not so big a deal, but for some reason those "things" made this week stressful and made me lose sleep. Today involves art teaching, coaching, networking - each are just fine by themselves but clumped together...Yowza.

So...for the record...just like Goldilocks with the chairs...this week was TOO Hard. I need to redefine what I mean by engaged, active, meaningful, connecting, writing, reading, volunteering when it comes to things that make me feel "alive"....there has to be some algorithm that makes it "just right"

At least I'm trying things out for size...now the challenge is taking note of what the Just Right is and do more of THAT. Speaking of Goldilocks...I made porridge (oatmeal) for myself this morning and it WASN'T 'just right', it was goopy...blech!

Why Thank YOU

You're the kind of person, Laura

Who's hard to forget,

A one-in-a-million

To the people you've met

Your friends are as varied

As the places you go,

And they all want to tell you

In case you don't know:

That you make a big difference

In the lives that you touch,

By taking so little

And giving so much!

This poem showed up in my inbox today from http://www.tut.com/ : Notes from the Universe. What a happy way to start my day and a great way to start my next year celebrating my 29th birthday (what's in a number?). I love the message and I love how it reminds me of Dr. Seuss' Oh the Places You'll Go . So....

I have a little skip in my step

as I go off and enjoy my day

with friends in such a special way

..that's all I have to say...

Good Day!

Pay DIRT

Today, I got to participate in the time honored tradition most parents participate in at least ONCE during their children's lives... Scrounging through garbage bags to find a missing retainer!

The scenario - Son announced that he did not know where his retainer was last Saturday. We retraced steps, we called friends to ask them to search, we checked all clothing worn in the past 2 weeks, we desperately surveyed the washer and dryer...but nada. Monday we asked the teacher about it. She gave a glimmer of hope but I hadn't heard back. So, today, I made the dreaded call to the orthodontist to set up the appointment for a new one. I set the appointment out a week due to time constraints AND in the hopes that somehow the retainer would surface. I emailed the teacher one last time and she gave me a bit of insight...a teacher had wrapped the retainer in a napkin and put it in his lunchbox...BINGO...that was my cue to take a nosedive in our rubbish bins. I systematically touched EVERY FLIPPING piece of trash, including coffee grounds, broken eggs, uncooked meat...excuse me 'cause a little throw up happened in my mouth.

OK...so you know how this ends right? The VERY LAST piece of trash I picked up (3 bags full and a whole bin of recycled goods) turned out to be the wrapped retainer. Hallelujah. I just made $350 doing the dirty work.

Oh yeah...HI Mom and Dad...I know you are snickering right now and saying PAYBACKS ARE HELL. I 100% appreciate you right now (and then some).

Drinkin' Koolaid

I first learned the term "I'm drinking the Koolaid" back in 1999 when I worked at Razorfish. I have been saying it very regularly ever since. I have been drinking a good cocktail of people's Koolaid as of late and boy is it going down smooth as silk. The cool thing about the Koolaid I'm drinkin' is that it doesn't end in the death of 918 people...but it does sometimes lead to death...like the death of an old identity, the death of a limiting belief, the death of a toxic friendship, the death of external influences that I "don't want"...you get the picture!

So, if the Koolaid you're selling leads to freedom, enlightenment, joy, happiness and fun (I'll even add the term "legal fun" to be safe)...then I will take a sample taste...and maybe we can barter...some of your Koolaid for some of mine. We could do a little Koolaid stand of sorts. Yum!

I'm

Funny - I went to write my blog and pressed a wrong button and published the title "I'm" and that is it...so I will tell you what...I'm:

1. Tiiii-red


2. Full of jelly beans and feel remorse for it


3. Almost a year older


4. Trying to figure out what to do next - sleep looks like a good option


5. Picking clay out of my fingernails because I ran a clay art class today


6. Hoping my son finds his retainer


7. Excited to see my mommy and daddy this Sunday


8. Looking forward to bubble blowing with my kids when they get home


9. Glad I was all artsy craftsy last night (see pic)


10. Hoping that my to-do list takes care of itself while I nap

Until next time...shhhh I'm trying to catch some zzzzzzz.

Gratitude X 10

1. Kite flying in superb windy conditions
2. Egg hunts in stunning weather
3. On Demand movies (watched Precious)
4. "Just do it" mindset (sometimes)
5. Photographing babies
6. Unexpected packages
7. Lunch with friends
8. Chats with my dad
9. Journal writing
10. Meaningful conversations

MY day

Today is a teacher work day...so guess who gets to entertain the kids...MOI.

It is amazing how our perspectives change depending upon the phase of life we're in. When my kids were babies, all I wanted was an hour to myself because that is all I could see as possible. Now I have HUGE chunks of days to myself and when the kids are on 'my time' it is as if I am burdened by their presence...they're cramping my style. What a difference...and all of it came without me really realizing it. I find it absolutely fascinating.

So I guess what is going on here is that once you've experienced "freedom" it becomes incredibly "obvious" when it is being threatened. Don't get me wrong, I plan to enjoy my time with my kids today, it just has thrown me a bit and I feel uncomfortable and I am thinking a little bit of all the things I COULD (or WOULD) be doing if they were at school right now.

Instead of dwelling on this however, I can change my perspective and say...hey, I am lucky to HAVE kids. I am EXTREMELY lucky to have time to myself. Other parents have had to scramble to find care for their kids and are off to work perhaps wishing they had my "problems". My kids are actually fun to be around. The sun is shining and our friends are calling...so as the saying goes...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! We are off to a park to fly kites, have a picnic, and enjoy the fellowship of others. I am truly blessed to have this opportunity.

I 100% appreciate it....and I also am noticing what I am feeling in MY life. All of it is worth a notice, regardless of where we are, who we're with, and how we've chosen to play out our lives. I'mjustsaying!

Speedy

Today zoomed by me. I have a list of things I wish I had done, but not enough time to do them. I know the world will still spin....but.

Sometimes I wish I could take back some of my days in which I did nothing productive, maybe like a "carry over" program. Do you think that is possible?

Green

With envy....Ha! you thought I'd be writing an Irish blessing or something right! Fooled you.

In my 2 years of self discovery, I've been allowing myself to really notice my feelings; and from a place of curiosity versus judgment (at least that is what I TRY to do) I investigate what is the underpinning source of my feelings. One uncomfortable area I notice is where I can feel competitive and envious of people. Martha Beck calls this 'compare and despair'. My Utopian view would be that I wish happiness, sunshine and success to everyone on this planet - like Glenda the Good Witch...but alas, sometimes that just doesn't happen. What has been great about these 2 years is that I am more aware of the situations that trigger my comparing mind and then I can stop and sort of decipher what is going on with me. In the past 4 months or so, due to coaching and some therapy, I am realizing that the core of my comparing mind is around envy over people's ability to...have confidence, take risk, and believe they are entitled to do whatever they choose to. I lack that sense of entitlement (which I think maybe leads to confidence and risk taking). I am looking at the sources of this belief system (in therapy) and I'm also looking at ways to undo my limiting beliefs about myself (in coaching and therapy). I think this investigation and deep work is the elixir for me to really step up to the proverbial plate and actually play this game of MY LIFE to the degree I want and choose.

And NOW...I'll end with one of my favorite Irish hymns (thanks to Michele Woodward for reminding me of it). One of my favorite bands Eddie from Ohio sings a fabulous a Capella version of this...brings tears to the eyes.

May the road rise to meet you,

May the wind be always at your back,

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

May the rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

Oldies but goodies

Purging books from our bookshelves always feels good (at least for me). We made a good dent, but there are some books that are off limits. Tonight the kids and I had a good spell of reading the old favorites. I thought at first they would complain, but alas no...the truly memorable ones still sit well and maybe always will. Here was what we read tonight:

• Goodnight Moon


• Guess How Much I Love You


• Each Peach Pear Plum


• Silly Sally


• Is Your Mama a Llama


• Giggle Giggle Quack


• Don't Let Pigeon Drive the Bus!


• Barnyard Dance

I suspect that if I hold onto anything (I'm a big fan of decluttering) it will be the old favorites from our bookshelves. That will always transport me to the nighttime ritual of settling my babies before they went off to slumber land...well at least my son would settle...my daughter, well, that is a story for another time. In the meantime...goodnight to the little old lady whispering 'hush'!

Drive

Today I am leading a discussion on the book Drive by Daniel Pink. True to form, I finished the book just in time to do lead the group. I have to say though, my little noggin doesn't retain information that well, so I think recency is best for me in this case. I have enjoyed reading the works of Dan Pink. I read A Whole New Mind recently and I think on the whole I found that one more readable. Having said that, I was very intrigued by the concepts in this book and it actually is up my alley in terms of my education and training.

In the book, Pink deconstructs modern day management principles when it comes to Motivation. He sites research of economists and psychologists. He claims that a majority of today's organizations still employ industrial revolution reward tactics when the content of most jobs have far from industrial/routine tasks. The industrial revolution model is carrot and stick and holds the assumption that people are not motivated by the work and need and external reward to get them to do it. The stick part is the belief that people are prone to shirk their duties so controls for that must be in place. In today's model most jobs have task that are less routine and therefore carrot and stick approaches have lost their impact and in some cases can actually be detrimental to productivity and possibly lead to unethical behaviors. In his book he describes the new need to upgrade the motivation model to a new version NOT to update the old version. The model must consider autonomy, mastery and purpose while also considering the baseline need for people to be appropriately remunerated. The new variables are based on the assumption that, on the whole, humans are motivated intrinsically especially when the content of their work requires creativity and abstract thinking.

That is about all I want to say ABOUT the book for now because I could go on and on....what I want to say is how this book applies to ME in 2 very surprising ways (to me at least). Firstly, Dan Pink talks extensively of the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihaly (say that 5 times fast) and the theory of flow where the task and the skill are appropriately matched to provide a level of focus and drive to complete the task (his seminal research was on artists, rock climbers, surgeons etc). The theory of flow has been extended to the workforce in many ways. In fact, little ole' me did a paper on the topic of flow and performance appraisals. I remember being excited about the concept of flow and the requirement was to apply it to a human resources process. So, part of me thinks I was onto something maybe before it was even "something"...and if I'm wrong, at least I can think so. I do not have my paper anymore so I cannot corroborate my thinking...you'll just have to believe me. I was on the cutting edge! (maybe).

The second surprising link to my life is that when I was a consultant at Booz Allen and Hamilton I worked with the Patent and Trademark Office to assess their performance measurement system which was amazingly disassociated from the actual work they did. They were measured and rewarded based on archaic Frederick Taylor (time and motion) principles when the actual work they were doing was extremely complex and non routine. It was mind boggling to see the mismatch AND what behaviors it drove as a result. The Patent/Trademark examiners were essentially rewarded on how many patents they "touched" in a certain time frame which didn't take into account the content and complexity of the actual patent. Therefore they were required to cut corners, to extend patents, and more than likely accept patents that weren't valid. My point about this isn't to denigrate the PTO and its processes, BUT to say that I consulted in an environment where the premise of the book Drive was actually based.

The reading of this book and my review of it makes me feel as if I actually have paid attention in my life and that I actually do know what I'm talking about and that I actually am on the right path in terms of what makes me tick....

Or in terms of the book Drive...I am working toward autonomous job, that provides me the opportunity to strive for mastery, that has the purpose of serving others! Many things to ponder....and I LIKE IT!

Gratitude X 10

1. Blue sky in my waking view


2. New markers


3. Coloring pages


4. Writing with new multi-colored gel pens


5. New chalk


6. Chalk rainbows, hearts, smiley faces and peace signs


7. New kick ball


8. Hurling the ball at the garage wall (surprisingly rewarding)


9. Alice in Wonderland


10. Butterflies

The Little things

The quirky little things that make me happy

1. My penmanship (thank you Sr. Elizabeth)


2. The feeling I get after my car is cleaned


3. That rush of love I get at random times when I see my kids


4. The sounds of children playing outside


5. My gift of noticing random coincidences


6. When I find a typo in a book


7. Crossing everything off my to do list


8. Folding socks (especially if they match)


9. The look of freshly made beds (especially the way I do it)


10. Pillows in their place on couches


11. Scratching the jowls of cute puppies


12. Reading magazines BACKWARD


13. A pen that writes well


14. Filling an entire notebook with words


15. Finishing a bottle of lotion


16. Empty refrigerators (feels like I use what I buy)


17. Monochromatic design (with a splash of color of course)


18. Taking pictures of random things


19. Writing random lists


20. Ending lists on an even number!!!!!

Childlike

You know what I want?....a set of markers that are ALL MINE and that have as many colors as they can make. I think I will buy them today.

And, while I'm at it, I might buy some bubbles, sidewalk chalk, a hoola hoop (I want a weighted one), a kickball...and other magical surprises that remind me of my childhood. I don't mind sharing but the MARKERS ARE MINE and if you borrow YOU MUST RETURN. I'm an advocate for sharing but I also think that respecting the things that are valuable to your friends and family are equally as important. It's not that we have big issues with sharing in our house, but we do have issues with returning things to their rightful places. Imjustsaying.

Duly Noted

Today I am busy but still want to blog...so my short cut is to find the first quote I can and respond to it. Luckily, the first quote I found is a good one...or I might be in trouble.

...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is the truth. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859-1930), (Sherlock Holmes)

Wow, this one is cool. I'm kind of having a hard time wrapping my head around translating how that works in my life.

What I believe is that the truth for each of us is as unique and individual as a snowflake and that I have no right or desire to make my truth be your truth. Sometimes I forget that (especially with those I'm closest to), but the more and more I strip away the 'social self' part of me and get to the essence of me, I am finding that I can rewrite some of the truths that I adopted from others. One area that I am specifically rewriting my truth is around my feeling of worth and the knowledge that I have the "right" to have or ask for whatever I want. Somehow I have a murky self perception around that and it can sometimes stop me in my tracks when I am designing the life I choose to live moving forward. It isn't a dramatic 'different' life, its just more of a life that is on my terms and it is based on the assumption that I am just as worthy as anyone on this planet to experience a rich and abundant life. I feel like some inspiring music needs to start playing right now...

So...back to the quote...I don't know if my words and the quote match totally but I DO LOVE that the quote evoked me to write that. This blog was written in the matter of 10 minutes and I didn't do a lot of thinking about this...so what I think about my words is...they ARE the TRUTH DAMMIT! AMEN.

Technical Difficulties

Finally this afternoon I realized that I had 24 emails in my outbox which meant that all emails generated yesterday and today have not been sent. That makes me feel better about the amount of 'non-replies' I've gotten but it also makes me a little miffed. I had generated all kinds of emails like - check ins with clients, replies about setting up meetings, reaching out to someone who went to my grad school, sharing exciting stories with my tribe, asking for details for a call I had to miss and 18+ other emails like that. Against my better judgment, I deleted all of the unsent emails (with dread because I don't know exactly what info I was deleting) and then turned off the whole computer and then started again believing that all would be solved...but that is a big fat NO IT ISN'T FIXED. I know my husband will do a click here, a check there and all will be well this evening but until then...I CANNOT SEND ANY EMAILS....AND I lost a ton of good communications that I may never remember. So where does that leave me....

• feeling isolated because I cannot communicate with anyone
• frustrated because I had homework to send in for my Wed night class
• calm and relaxed because I know that there is nothing I can do at the moment
• inspired to figure out a work around....so now I will play the "what if" game....

So the circumstance is that I cannot communicate by email so now I will brainstorm by quickly (without much thought or judgment) come up with some "What if" scenarios...

1. what if...I write a list of all the emails I think I lost so that I can remember to send at a later date
2. what if...I try to reach out to those who are FB friends to communicate with them that way
3. what if...I prepare the emails that I wanted to send in word and when all is fixed, I can send them out
4. what if...I take a break from email and do something else constructive on the computer
5. what if...I shut the computer down and take a nap (my technical difficulties kinda match my body difficulties...I'm sick).

Boy, those options all sound better than the current state of stewing and churning and trying/trying/trying to get the outbox to send when it WON'T. No matter how many times I press send/receive it doesn't change the results....oh my goodness, stop with the madness Laura and just give in to the fact that maybe just maybe you will not be able to get some stuff done....take one of the what ifs and go do it...hmmm taking a nap sounds really good right now!

Dream Catcher

I've been having some dreams lately where I'm certain (in my dream) that I've come up with the perfect solution to a problem, OR designed the best business model to support my clients, OR come up with the next best program connecting people with their passion OR communicated with my dad telepathically (hi dad...did you get my message?).

In each one I was convinced that I would remember all the details and record it when I got up so that I could "do stuff", "fix things", "communicate it" etc. But alas, by the morning light I am only left with an inkling that I was onto something...just beyond my grasp of consciousness.

I am actually not frustrated about this and kinda feel like all of what I'm dreaming will show up when I'm ready for it...OR at the least, I've FELT as though I actually can make a difference even if it is only in my dreams...that feels good because maybe in my awakened state I will recognize that feeling and know that I am onto something...just THAT makes me believe my dreams are worth something even if I cannot remember the deets!

About 10

I was sort of liking the list of 10 things all last week and may continue here and there, but my 10 for today is about my almost 10 year old daughter...and maybe all the 10 year olds out there in the world. I remember when my nieces were 10 and thinking, "Wow, I like 10 year olds, they can hang with the adults and hang with the kids and each is fine with them". The word I think of when I think of 10 year olds is "whatever" and that is a good thing. I think of them as really being cool with "whatever"...and it looks like that is proving to be true for my lovely daughter (I'm sure we'll have our days). I'm witnessing that 10 is that balancing act between childhood and the teen years. One day its all about being all hip and mature and the next its dreaming up a fairy world outside with friends. One day its not wanting to have anything to do with your family and the next wanting to stay next to mommy all evening long. I am planning to be VERY present in this upcoming year and witnessing this evers0 fleeting moment of wonder and grace that my daughter will be experiencing. I am kinda sad, kinda glad, kinda scared and kinda hopeful but I know that we'll all be just fine regardless.

This post was inspired by a little funny observation of mine. Saturday night my husband and I were on a date and we were talking about how the kids are growing up and the toys are becoming less and less and that probably from now on Christmas and Birthdays would be more about clothes, video games and other things 'less plastic'. We were secretly excited about it (not acknowledging that what it really means is our kids are growing up). Fast forward to Sunday morning when I awaken (at 10:30am I might add) and my daughter announces that she has made her birthday list (April 30 is her day). The list has 10 items (apple doesn't fall far from the tree) and each and every item included Littlest Pet Shop toys on it...all of which are PLASTIC, none of which are 'grown up'...all of which made me smile and realize that I am pushing her to grow up (in my mind) faster than she is ready and I am A-OK with slowing it all down to a pace that suits HER not ME because this will unfortunately not last. I am grateful for my 10 year old and the exciting year ahead for us, I will enjoy both sides of her and try to etch them into my brain so that when 'change comes' I can go back to this lovely age in my mind! Here's to Plastic Toys AND everything TWEEN...both are welcome here (I think??!!!).

Gratitude X 10

1. Sleeping in until 10:30 - hallelujah!
2. 63 degree weather
3. Spring blooms (minus the allergies)
4. Lists of 10
5. Hanging at a Pub with my man
6. Body pile up with my kids and laughing non-stop
7. Commitment to writing 3 pages a day - YOU should try it!
8. Pictures of my friend's new puppy - trying not to want one
9. Hot soup when feeling crummy
10. A full upcoming week with things I like and wishes for exciting surprises!

Allergies

Why allergies are no fun.

1. Phlegm in the throat (phlegm is a fun word to spell)


2. Constant snorting to get phlegm out of the throat


3. Achy body (this is a new one for me this year)


4. Sleeping on the couch so I don't disturb my husband (see here)


5. Sinus pressure


6. Laryngitis (another fun word to spell)


7. Thoughts that this will never end


8. Love SPRING, Hate Allergies


9. Feeling sort of gross with all the Phlegm


10. Itchy ears in which I have an annoying way of "scratching" by clearing the back of my throat...LOVELY.

Why not?

I say why not make a tradition of it (at least this year anyway) of posting my bod on the internet. It is almost a year to the day. Here are 10 things to say about it.

1. No snow this year in my picture (we didn't really HAVE a winter this year).
2. Different bathing suit...put on the first one I could find.
3. 133 vs.138 (last year) in terms of pounds.
4. I actually gained weight this summer (too many trips) but got a hold on things this fall.
5. I am pasty white.
6. I am brave.
7. The abs are in progress
8. I am starting Yoga
9. I'm damn proud of my body for my age, my 2 kids and some of the "crap" I put it through.
10. Here's to another year of attention to my health and happiness!

No Comfort - but AWESOME

This past year, I've done many things outside my comfort zone and here are 10 of them:

1. Showed my bod on my blog (watch out for a repeat)
2. Coached Martha Beck
3. Left a school I had dedicated 3 years to, but did what I felt was right for my family
4. Flew without "self medicating" (huge for me)
5. Got the Swine Flu shot for my family and me (to assuage my catastrophic anxiety)
6. Signed up for therapy
7. Hired a Master Coach
8. Said no to taking an active role in the PTA this year
9. Played Cashflow (on Wednesday) where I exposed myself to strangers in a very challenging (for me) money oriented game that was WAY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.
10. Made a video for a contest (never in a million years would I have thought I'd do that).

How about you? Where are you being more bold in your life? In my humble opinion, it is essential for LIVING LIFE.

Oh Yeah!

10 things that make me smile!

1. Babies, babies, babies (let me clarify...other people's...no more for me)
2. Puppy dogs with "human" expressions
3. Rainbows
4. Hummingbirds
5. My kids being happy siblings
6. My husband being witty with our friends
7. Memories of Italy
8. Crafty writing
9. Creative photography
10. The fact that I have a great life!!!!

List it

I've been on a list making tear...and today is no different....so here goes! March may be my month of lists (or not!)

10 Words I like:

1. Curiosity


2. Freedom


3. Collaboration


4. Connection


5. Intuition


6. Transparency


7. Authenticity


8. Ease


9. Joy


10. Play

Yes and...

This week is kind of light on 'busy-ness' for me. I like it. I know I'll fill the time sufficiently and I've decided to play a little game this week (or maybe just today). This morning I awoke with the words "yes and..." in my head and I remembered my mentor Michele Woodward has described this approach to living where you say "yes and...." and/or "no but...". So when you say yes, you actually say yes and add to it to clarify or define more what you're going to do. The "no but..." is where you authentically say no to something, but come up with something else that feels more like what you're willing to do. This feels like a fun experiment to see how much more I feel engaged in what I do and how I do it.

Before even posting this I tried it on for size. My daughter asked me to help her tie her shirt and I said "yes...and...I'll give you a hug afterward". Just remembering that exchange gives my heart a little warm stir. That little moment of declaring that and then following through totally shifted my perspective and helped me to feel good about the morning hustle and bustle of kid management. Then, my friend called and asked if I could walk at 9:30am. I said "no...but...I can do it at 11:15am". We could have easily written off the walk if I had just said "no-can-do"...but the BUT allowed us to come up with another workable solution.

I'm already on a roll and excited to see what adventures I whip up (or misadventures I avoid) by saying yes and no with that extra oomph to it. Right now I say "yes I will post this blog AND I will change the picture of the month because it's March"...FABULOUS!