Gratitude X 10

1. Logging and recording 104 hours of coaching toward my certification


2. Having an honest and c0nstructive meeting with the new principal of our school


3. Watching my son sing his heart out at a school concert


4. Watching my son play a mean t-ball game and seeing his proud looks when he played well


5. Listening to my daughter practice singing "Over the Rainbow" in private and really belting it out.


6. Enjoying a week with my in-laws and seeing the amazing transformation of our yard


7. Flowers from the Saturday market for $5...they are stunning.


8. Fresh fruit


9. Cloudless blue skies


10. Abundance.

Dancing a jig

A big goal-oriented task had been hanging over my head and last night I accomplished it. The feelings one gets after such accomplishments should be bottled. I felt giddy, I felt proud, I felt relief, I in fact did a little dance in front of my family. The initial feelings are of course more intense, but I still have residual feelings today which have actually inspired me to do other things that have been lingering. The ripple effect is amazing and I feel as if I'm on fire. I'm guessing this isn't sustainable, but I love 'witnessing' this about myself and figuring out how to get more and do more of it...because it feels good and it all lies within ME not some sort of 'if I had that, then I'd be happy' kind of feeling. What is hanging over your head? What task (big or small) would you like to get off your list? Maybe do a little experiment to see what sort of intrinsic (feeling) rewards you get from it and what are the after effects. I'm going to leave you now as I'm still on my 'high' and want to capitalize on it!

Handy Gramps and Gardner Grams

My in laws are in town and they are awesome. They do not like to sit still so they are either doing tasks that we've asked OR they make up projects to do. Grandpa is a very handy dude so he has adjusted bike handlebars and is assessing a leak in my washing machine. Gardner Grams is one mean yard worker. That is where she finds most joy, so if you leave her alone with nothing to do, you might find weeds pulled, plants replanted, more plants bought and planted. They are so generous with both their gifts and their time that you almost have to be careful...if left alone your whole house can be fixed and looking smashing...and then you feel bad for all the work they've been doing on their vacation. But that is just them...that is how they roll...and I love them for it. I hear them 'putzing' again...must go investigate!

Stop the madness...

There has not been one day in the last 2 weeks where I have been free of PTA stuff. I'm getting fed up. Next week I am determined to find a day or two where I am not available at all for anything but me...oh but I am because on Friday I am on the way to Phoenix for a Phabulous conference for coaches. I cannot wait...my bags may be packed by tomorrow. Until then, I MUST free myself!!!

I know why....

...I married my husband (there are many reasons). Today I am reminded of his brilliance as he called home to announce that he has been promoted to a new position with a lot more responsibility and visibility. He is AWESOME. In times where people are losing their jobs I can provide you tangible evidence that it isn't EVERYONE. I even have a hand full of examples...my brother got a job, my friend's husband left his job for another job, many coaches in my tribe are turning clients away. It is nice to focus on what is going right and to lean toward more of that and less of the 'not going right bits'. It can only help!...now to figure out how to NOT FOCUS on the $2,000 bill for the axle (or something like that) of my car. Murphy's Law...we JUST paid off my car last Thursday! Anyway, back to my husband....I'm a lucky Lady!!!

Now where was I?

I always start the week a little befuddled as to what the week holds, but quickly figure it out with emails, calendar checks and general 'defogging of my mind'. My sense is that I live 'minute to minute' and really don't know what lies ahead. While this can actually be a nice way to live, there are times when I get nervous that I'm missing something OR when someone asks what my plans are, I look a little...well....blonde! I'm amazed at my ability to actually be 'on top of things' 98% of the time...its the 2% that can be tricky. For example, last Thursday I was AT SCHOOL and realized the my son was just about to get off the bus at MY HOUSE meaning no one was at home to retrieve him...I had been so overbooked and rushed that I made it to my meeting without finding my son. I was able to contact a kind parent to manage him until I returned home...but the fact that I FORGOT MY SON...that is a BIG 2% not on top of it...another demerit for Mommy of the Year. The funny thing is my son believes it is his fault because he forgot to stay at school (which is actually somewhat true too)...and I'm not letting on that I actually am the one ultimately responsible (because I'm the Mom and he is only 7). This week's goal is 99% on top and I'm hoping the 1% is maybe related to forgetting to eat (because this weekend required too much chip eating and beer drinking). Now I'm off to do the next thing on my list...which is?.....I'm not sure, but I'll know it when I see it!

Once in my life

Today I experienced probably a once in a lifetime thing. It wasn't super grand and it wasn't something that will gain me some recognition but it was a moment of a wow and the thought that my kids were experiencing it too really makes me think of the memory that is placed in their minds (or not). My mother-in-law has a grade-school friend who lives in the area. We went to lunch and then she invited us back to her place to see their house and have her play on her grand piano as she is a concert pianist. In a VERY small room she has an upright, a grand and an organ where she practices and teaches lessons. You can see that they live a simple life and that she loves her craft (she has a library full of sheet music that was actually overwhelming to think that she could play them all). It was really cool, my daughter got to see "the real thing" and my son LOVED the organ. It wasn't an earth shattering experience, but it was one of those that 'goes in the books'. I love those moments even better than the earthshattering...earthshattering is overrated in my book.

Gratitude X 10

1. Amazing weather
2. Safe arrival of Gibby and Pop pop
3. Reasons to explore our hometown
4. Healthy boobs
5. Friends with pools
6. Cleaning angels
7. Light at the end of the tunnel
8. "Over the Rainbow" sung by my daughter
9. Unexpected family adventures with a happy ending
10. Meaningful connections

Fresh

Yesterday, I paid someone to clean my house. It wasn't cheap but it was so worth it. My kids actually notice that the house is CLEAN and they are making attempts to keep it that way. In fact, this morning my son decided he needed to clean the house himself. He has vacuumed, wiped the sinks, dusted, made his bed and is still asking for more chores. I'm liking this...will it stick? - 'prolly not' but why not milk it for now. The impetus for the clean is that my in-laws arrive tonight and I knew that I would only 'surface' clean. Since it is my husband's parents I thought he might 'authorize' the expense so I jumped at the chance. Now to figure out how to get him to acknowledge that someone else cleaning is the 'way to go'....I'm working on that one. In the meantime...everyone OUT OF MY HOUSE so it stays clean. (did I say that out loud?).

Bruise

My biopsy came back A-OK (I have a fibroadenoma). Now all I have to deal with is a seriously yucky bruise and it will all be a distant memory. My daughter on the other hand has a bruised thumbnail from a big rock falling on it when we went camping. Her whole nail is grayish-black and it is still sensitive to the touch. My friend says the nail will probably fall off...eeww. That seems irreparable but she says its no big deal and the nail will be fine when it grows back...I've seen my husband's toenails and I'm not convinced. But a temporarily purple boob and a child with an awkward thumbnail...I'll take that over breast cancer and missing appendages any day!

Self

I've noticed something about myself. I like to get introspective about me, my life and how I approach things, but I stop at a certain point and don't 'coach myself'. There are techniques for which I can and dare I use the bad word "should" coach myself if I am to be a good coach. There is a mantra in our program that says "you gotta live it to give it"...and I think I haven't been 'living it'...so I am making a commitment to myself (in babysteps) that I will notice my limiting beliefs and when I'm ready, I will also work to dissolve those beliefs through my many and varied coaching tools. I think this kind of stuff is magical so I am looking forward to what the future holds for me...one dissolved thought at a time.

Truckin

I feel like the song by the Grateful Dead, Truckin'. I actually don't know the words (I'm sure my husband does), but the refrain, Truckin' came to mind today, I just need to keep going until the summer. I haven't taken the time to just sit and 'spell out' what my next month really entails; it could be less bad than I think. Right now I have this overwhelming feeling that I am just one event away from 'shut down' but I bet it really isn't that bad. Maybe denial isn't the best thing! In the meantime....I have this theme song in my head.

Bear

I said that we might be eaten by a bear...that didn't exactly happen, but the fact that a huge tow truck had to take us down Mt. St. Helen's...does that count?

We had a fabulous camping weekend and drove an extra hour to do our spelunking at Ape Cave which was an adventure for the whole family (scary but fun). On our way down the mountain we stopped at a lovely water spot to look at the grandeur of the mountains and water and rest a bit before our 3 hour drive home...no "drive home" occurred because our car wouldn't start. Long story short, we were towed down to a small town, spent the night in a fleabag motel, got our car fixed and headed home to get the kids in school 3.5 hours late. It was a $600 adventure we wished we didn't have to have, but since we had to, we took it in stride and I'm so proud of our family (especially my husband) for 'rolling with the punches'. We were constantly reminding ourselves that we are healthy, wealthy and wise and this is no big deal (in the big scheme of things).

We are back home safe and sound and trying to get back to normal...which makes me think maybe being stuck on that mountain was better than I thought?!!! One more month and then it will summertime!

Campy

We are going camping today and the weather is BE-YOO-TI-FUL. It should be great...Buuuuut, me thinks the evening will be a bit nippy as it really isn't the season for those warm nights. I am trying not to think of it, but I've never had a good night sleep in a tent and I'm thinking this evening will not be any different...I am hopeful that I am wrong. Another adventure that I'm a bit 'skittish' about is that we may walk into this cave that goes in a MILE. I'm thinking anything that can go a mile in takes a mile to get out right?....what if there is some reason to get out quickly???? I think I have some claustrophobia tendencies...If there is a news report of a family of four eaten by a bear...that is probably us! LOL.

Lock Down

Drama out our school yesterday. The school was put into lock down due to a suspected gun toter in the area. I am impressed with the police/school response in that they took no risks with our kids. The perpetrator wasn't on school property but they took the necessary precautions just in case. I only found out about this because my kids weren't home on time and my neighbor called to tell me the kids were fine and would be home 30 minutes late. I at no point was scared. I do know that some parents were and they headed to the school to retrieve their kids...this is where my instinct to 'judge' might come in. I feel that the best place for a kid to be in an emergency situation is in the school locked in the classrooms (unless there is a risk WITHIN the school of course) so I think that parents coming in and 'bothering' the process by demanding/asking for their kids out is disruptive and possibly a risk to the school. Not to mention, the kids that don't have their parents coming can feel more in danger thinking that their mommy/daddy isn't coming for them. I don't know the ins and outs of the situation, but I am pleased that everything worked out fine AND that the police response was as it was. I wish that it didn't have to happen at all, and the fact that they didn't apprehend those involved just sucks in my opinion. But, back to business as usual.

My daughter's response in the classroom when they were in lock down was to think of a song to sing out loud...she proceeded to sing "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands"...she clapped but know one else did (I guess no one was happy). At first I was worried that she would be disappointed about this response from her classmates, but she thought it was funny and she thought it was curious that that was her instinct. It makes me smile and beem with pride that she was trying in her own way to relieve the stress for her classroom...the delivery might need some work, but it was all for good. I am now wondering what that "instinct" will be in the future, what will she be drawn to do as a career or a citizen...very interesting, very curious, very awesome.

Thought control

Now is when I need to walk the talk. I am seeing more negative than positive thoughts so here is where I get to work on finding better feeling thoughts. Just a few thoughts that need changing:

• My house is never clean
• I'll never finish all this PTSA crap
• I never get a chance to work out
• My left boob needs to get a needle biopsy (I feel hopeful since the blob in question (as seen on the sonogram) has been there since my early 20s)
• My coaching practice has taken a back seat
• My allergies keep giving me headaches.

Those are just a few of my "negative nellies" at the moment....so I am on a mission to practice "thought control"...wanna join me...maybe we can all wear Nike sneakers and drink some koolaid too!

Caught Up

The problem with being caught up on laundry is....our drawers won't close anymore, there are no free hangers, and I STILL HAVE SOCKS WITH NO MATES.

My Day

Yesterday was "my day". I asked for many things on that day...none of which were of monetary value, but experiencial value. So here is how the day played out (by my request).

1) Up early to head to my favorite breakfast joint called 5 Spot. I LOVE breakfast OUT. We got there in plenty of time and were about 8th in line so when the doors opened we got a primo spot looking upon the street....Check that off my list

2) Walked down to Highland Drive where there are beautiful views of the city AND Mt. Ranier poked out her lovely head....Check off my list

3) Walked down further to a modern playground with wires, twirly thingys, slides etc. I even did the twirly thingy but remembered that I no longer can stomach twirly thingys...I used to LOVE them with no side effects...either age or childbirth has changed that....Check off my list (after my head stopped spinning)

4) Drove down to the sculpture gardens to meander along the water and allow the kids to throw rocks and search for sea creatures (my daughter is a magnet for all things natural and found tons of tiny crabs all of whom she named)....Check off my list.

5) Headed home and took my son for a bike ride (his request). This is where the day gets tricky because my son fell off his bike, my daughter got grumpy and quit before we even started and my son whacked his shin on a metal slide at the park we rode to (does anyone remember doing that as a child...I DO!). My son and I had adventures and tender moments so in my book, both are good...so I'll give it a check even though there were times where it was at risk.

6) My husband bought a 'French Lunch' (my request) and we packed it and all our gear into the car, hoisted our canoe on top of the car and made our way to Lake Sammamish for a canoe ride to a park where we sampled french bread, brie, grapes, wine (Orangina for the kids) and played soccer and football...and relaxed some too....Check off my list.

7) After our canoe trip, my daughter had requested to explore these mysterious steps that lead up a hill, so my husband dropped the kids and me off to explore AND walk home. We explored, and explored some more to find that we had a 2 mile walk home in flip flops and water shoes. I take full ownership of this adventure/slog because my husband offered to wait and drive us home. The kids actually stifled their complaints, enjoyed playing Terabithia (Ogres and other creatures in the woods)...and made our way home all still alive but weary. Check off my list

8 ) My final request was cupcakes that I knew my daughter would enjoy making. Check (with chocolate smeared on it).

So, really my day was about BEING with my kids and enjoying my family and making sure my kids knew they were loved by me....that is my gift to EXPERIENCE being a mother with my kids and I would not have had it any other way...DOUBLE CHECK!

Constant Battle

This morning I woke up and did my normal Saturday morning flurry around the house to see if I can put some order to it. I am a perfectionist in that if I see a mess I feel it needs to be picked up to the "nth" degree, and then I find another and another and so on and so forth. Then the laundry gets mixed into the flurry trying to catch up to be 'ahead' for next week. At the end of my flurry, I find that I am in fact NOT caught up on the laundry, and the house is in somewhat of an order (but clean isn't achieved) AND somehow my kids have come behind me like little gnomes and filled the clean spots, with more CRAP!!!! It is insane and I am incredibly overwhelmed on a daily basis with this. I have been trying to coach myself (and have had help) on how to figure out the best way to NOT get so overwhelmed. Some days are better than others. It is now 12pm and I am going to stop trying for now and maybe pick up where I left off later this evening....but then there is tomorrow.

On a related note...this morning I woke up to signs that my husband had done his own version of a pick up. He will clear counters, and any surface that has an inappropriate pile (for his liking). That clean up also includes throwing away things that I might have been keeping, throwing away things that are actually recyclable, and moving MY laundry pile from one spot that is appropriate FOR ME to another spot which is appropriate FOR HIM...there is more that I can rattle on about, but you get the picture. We clean up differently and I get a little 'miffed' that he decides what is appropriate FOR HIM (despite what I've either asked him NOT to do or that I had clearly made a neat pile FOR ME). This is a 13+ year battle and it still seems to rage on. I have been reminded by my mother-in-law that at least he does something, and while I appreciate that, it isn't actually the point. But I digress....and I love my husband dearly, in spite of this character flaw....OH and did I tell you?...I'M PERFECT!!!

Well I'll BE

I just realized that I missed a post yesterday. I don't think I thought about doing my blog AT ALL yesterday. I definitely had a jam packed day which extended into the evening with a group coaching session I am running with a friend. So, I have excuses BUT I'm fascinated that this is the first time in a year that I've not remembered. It's huge for me that for a whole year blogging is the one consistent thing I would do. That is a big deal because when I took birth control pills I couldn't even remember to take them. Good thing the ramifications for not posting are less impactful than not taking BC pills...and good thing my body decided to ignore my sporadic intake of said pills. Anyhoo, I'm back on track now.

I do think that I'm suffering apathy right now for lots of things and I think it is the end of school year slump (like hitting a wall at the 20th mile in the marathon). Every day I am reminded of yet another thing I "have to do" with the PTA, or kid sports, or whatever else I'm involved in and it just feels oppressive..like I'm getting buried deeper and deeper in soul depleting activities. I know the solution is to quit being so active in the PTA and I know I have a choice in this, but I've somehow convinced myself that I am very important and irreplaceable...how is that for delusional thinking. I'll be doing some serious soul searching this summer about setting my boundaries for next year and figuring out how to say NO....but for now, I'm going to be the good citizen and honor my commitments...that reminds me...I got the Good Citizenship award at my 8th grade graduation...there is a pattern here!

Focus - PLEASE

I have one child who gets her homework done almost too fast for my liking and the other takes FOR-EVER. He gets distracted by 'shiny objects' all along the way. Even when I 'check in' every 15 minutes I find that he still is struggling with his concentration. I do not believe it is a learning disability, I believe it is an attention issue and he is starting to suffer the consequences...like being left behind as his sister goes out to play, not being able to watch America's Funniest Home Videos etc. I'm starting to be more committed to making him get it done, but also letting him see that his choices to 'not buckle down' will create pain later.

We have this same issue in the morning when I send him to get his socks and shoes. I will tell him to do it and 'assume' it is getting done, but then 20 minutes later I'll find him pulling faces in the mirror in his room not even close to getting his socks OR shoes. It actually makes me laugh but I'm starting to be 'bad cop' more often now.

I'm thinking this is either the 'first born/second born syndrome' or a 'girl/boy difference' or just a plain ole' personality difference between my two children. I'm tired though of sounding like a broken ....what is it called now?...CD, Itune...I'm showing my age.

Nicoise to meet you

Last night my husband had the kids help him make a Salad Nicoise. The kids had a great time helping out and the fact that a) they made it and b) it sounded so fancy, they ate all of it. Now how to make 'liver and onions' sound fancy...NO WAY!!! I love how kids find the food that they happen to make the 'best ever'...that is the key. I do think though that if that were a daily occurrence, the novelty would wear off and they'd just be bitter that they had to make dinner all of the time...what is the magical mix...I'll get back to you on that one.

Words to describe

Here are words I use to describe this morning

• befuddled
• ambilivelent
• bored
• disconnected
• unfocused
• disorganized

My energies have been disproportionately focused on PTA stuff and so I have a hard time transitioning back to what I REALLY want to be doing...coaching. I feel a bit out of sorts and not sure where to pick up where I left off, or where to start, or where to finish, or just where it is I really want to go right now. I am not so happy that the PTA stuff keeps taking precedence over the other stuff. I know I have choices, but for some reason, my 'social self' decides that the more important thing is to be present with the role of president instead of be present for my love of all things coaching/learning. When will the shift happen where the opposite prioritization happens? I have been able to manage a balance of both throughout this year, but my April really made everything 'go to pot'. I am going to allow myself this week and next to slow down the PTA stuff and revamp the coaching stuff...and I believe baby steps are in order.

I'm not sure I feel any more clear after writing this....but at least I 'named' my emotions...that is a good start....now what do I do? Maybe a nice warm shower will do the trick! By the way, the funny thing is that all those adjectives don't make me feel "bad" or depressed, they are just kind of what is swirling around for me...I feel neutral about it...but I think I'd prefer to move up the spectrum to excitement and joy...so as the saying goes "Calgon take me away".

Gratitude X 10

1. Birthday Party (for 9 year old) at the Park - the easiest one yet



2. Sunshine (mixed with clouds) today off to see baseball game with friends



3. April is over



4. Successful launch of a 5 week group coaching session



5. Gained a new client



6. Tapped into deep thinking about me



7. Stood down some of my piggy flu worrying



8. Had a good laugh with friends on Thursday (I needed it)



9. An evening business meeting where the moonshine 'kept us going'



10. Going with the flow

May Day

My month of April was heinously busy. Now that my daughter's birthday party is over I am NOW ready for May with its promise of a less busy more reasonably busy month. Yeah for May!

Good Cop, Bad Cop

This past week, I introduced the idea of good cop bad cop to my kids and how we as parents sometimes play those roles too. I can see recently that I have been a little more the 'good cop' with a few 'bad cop' moments and perhaps it is vice versa with my husband (of course this is my perception). I now maybe am wondering if I should NOT have introduced them to this concept because last night my daughter announced: "Dad is the bad cop tonight"....if it turns out that the label keeps consistently being applied to daddy, I fear that the kids may make 'sweeping generalizations'....that isn't good (but boy do I like it when I'm the 'good cop' label!!!). Anyway...I might be able to add this to my 'parenting don'ts' list.