Longest 15 minutes

For the past few days I've been bringing up a 'future event' in my mind and quickly pushing it away. The future event is now more imminent and I have to do more mental pushing as it gets closer. The event is my 15 minutes of coaching Martha Beck as my final 'hurdle' toward certification. Well actually my final hurdle is the $775 fee for the final "stamp of approval" from my program.

This 15 minute coaching session is significant in that it gets me certified and it is significant in that Martha Beck is a guru. Here is the rub....Martha is a human being....Martha wants me to succeed...I am a competent human being who happens to have the gift of being intuitive, empathetic, objective etc which has put me in this position of coaching Martha...additionally, who KNOWS what Martha will present as her area of least satisfaction TODAY. There is no value in me sitting and stewing over what that 15 minutes will look like. I will never know until the minutes are actually happening. So I am continuing to do my mental gymnastics of trying NOT to think about 3pm today. I find it incredibly fascinating that just one tiny thought can bring up such an emotional/physical reaction (aka fear/anxiety). I have the same reaction when I'm flying and start thinking about the possibility of it falling from the sky. What I like about my new state of mind is that I notice very quickly when my body is acting anxious (racing heart, butterflies) and I am more quick to assess the "danger" (most often in my head and NOT in reality) and quickly decide how to move me "off the ledge". I will now spend the next 8 hours avoiding my thoughts and then you may hear a huge scream about 20 minutes later (either of joy or agony)...don't worry, its just me!