melting

It is bloody hot here in Western Washington. No AC is the pits. Luckily, I am whisking my kids to the UP of Michigan for a week and a half of fun and the word on the street is that it is lovely there. Until then...signing out.

Coastin

I'm off for an adventure on the Oregon Coast for the Hilton family beachweek (11th annual I think). Simple living will abound. Laughter, reading, napping, playing and campfires...the very things that bring me my most joy...that is what is on the menu for next week. And we're off...

Gratitude X 10

1. Weekend in Chicago


2. Witnessing Martha Beck's message and wit


3. Watching Byron Katie do magic
4. Connecting with my tribe


5. Having fun


6. Late night goofing off


7. Feeling 'recognized'


8. Showing up


9. Lessons


10. Tears

busy

I'm busy, don't bug me. I have over 100 of pics like these to give my personal touch.

I'm just saying

OK...this has come to my attention in a few different situations where the phrase "I'm just saying" has become a popular "catch all". I'm seeing it among my 9 year old kid's group (including her) and then I saw it in a youtube "vlog" and I am of the mind that the phrase "ain't doin' it for me". I don't know what it is about the phrase that is bugging me but I think it feels lazy. This might be like the "ya know?" of my generation. Here is what I think when someone says "I'm just saying"...Either: You don't need to tell me what you just said, I heard you when you SAID IT. OR Well then "just say it" already!

What are the other modern day slang that bugs you? I'm just ASKING.

Drawing a blank

So....how ya doin'?

Me, I'm good. I've finished my travel hangover from last week. I usually spend a few days after a long trip kind of in a daze where I don't really do much of anything. Then I snap out of it. My niece and nephew are here and we've been busy doing "things". It rained yesterday which was much needed. My husband is nearly finished laying a patio which I haven't been 100% supportive of. I am a believer that some things are better 'paid for' and designing and laying a patio is one of them. I think it looks great and I am proud of him, but I do wish we could have had some design advice just to figure out some of the nuances....but it still will be lovely.

What else?

I've got a million books I want to read and somehow never make the time to read them. I am halfway through a few and that is totally not like me to be reading several books at a time. In some ways its nice to break the mold and in other ways, it feels like nothing is complete. I'm feeling that way about some things right now...so I think the word for this summer will be "completion". I want to finish some key books. I want to finish my coaching certificate. I want my HOUSE TO BE CLEAN AND TIDY (I'm not sure that is something that can be 'completed'...it is more continuous). In this week I want to get through the photos from my 6 sessions I did in DC.

Oh yeah...on Friday I leave for a weekend of fun and connection with Martha Beck peeps. It is a convention in Chicago and it will be with 200 of my closest friends (not). You may notice some weird 'unidentified occurrence' in the general vicinity of our hotel...it is the powers of our tribe, we'll be doing magic I'm sure...mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Well, since I sat down with nothing specific to say...I just said what came first to my mind...and that is "all she wrote".

Gratitude X 10

1. Sleeping in my own bed


2. Cooler day


3. Fitness


4. Kids at play


5. Reading (but which to read first)


6. Being with like minds


7. One on Ones with friends


8. My graceful teenage niece Liz


9. My amazingly smart nephew Jack


10. Family....extended too!

I love a parade....

NOT!

I don't know why but I just don't like parades. The heat, the people, the whiny kids, the just "ok" acts are some of the reasons. Sometimes I wonder if I had some sort of 'bad parade experience' when I was a kid and have blocked it. So today in our hometown, a parade and festival happened and I agreed to participate (while all the while begrudging in my head). So...what happened next I believe was a result of my negativity...I brought it on myself. Two sets of families set out on our bikes to head to and be in the parade. We have guests so we played musical bikes and made it work. My husband decided that he had to 'tune' one of the bikes before we left (please note that my husband isn't 'a bike tuner' by trade). I notice that my niece (on the recently tuned bike) was going extremely slow (and she is an athlete). I traded bikes with her to find that somehow the tuning went awry and the bike would only accelerate as much as one physical turn of the pedals would go (hard to explain because I'm not a mechanical engineer). I pedaled on making very slow progress, sweating, and missing the parade (everyone else sped happily along and were in the parade).

I also kind of don't like festivals because its hot, the people, whiny kids, junk handed out, more whining about the heat and the 'second mortgage' you have to put on your house to afford everything. I soldiered on just the same but have resolved that maybe next year...I'll pass.

Escaping

Today I had the good fortune to spend a full day with Pam Slim in a workshop about her new book Escape from Cubicle Nation. This woman is fabulous at what she does and has inspired me to start really focusing on what I want to offer, how I want to offer it, how big I want to be etc. I recommend this book to people who either are physically 'in cubicles'...or if you just might be feeling trapped with your thoughts about where you want to be in your life. She is both practical and inspirational which is a wonderful mix. I have read half of her book and now have a desire to read more. One thing that I found fascinating was that she asked us to pick one simple act that we would do soon that would forward our business...and she had the rider that it should be fun...when the word fun was added I got 'stuck'. I'm wondering if I'm complicating my definition of 'fun' because there are a lot of things I enjoy doing immensely but when I think of the word fun I'm thinking merrry-go-rounds and cotton candy....but I suspect what I enjoy is an equal fun-ness with different packaging. Now that I've changed my perspective, I know that what I'll do is coach more people...that is fun to me, and in fact my plate is getting full for next week, so I can deliver on my promise. What do you need to escape from?....I recommend Pam's book and I also recommend talking with someone about it...and I am willing and able!

Something in nothing

Yesterday I was speaking with a fellow coach and I was discussing my teeter totter of thoughts about what I want to do once I'm certified. Part of me wants to make it easy on myself and figure out how to latch onto someone else's star and be a resource and part of me wants to do something independent as an entrepreneur. My thoughts are that I wonder if I am reaching for the first to take the easy way out and risking 'going big'. When I think that thought, I feel 'nothing', neither excited nor disappointed. I asked my friend/coach if the 'nothing' feeling was telling me something and before she could answer, I knew the answer...yes. I think the nothing is a sign that I need to delve deeper and find where I will feel 'feelings' about my decisions. The feelings will be the guide or "compass" for knowing whether I'm onto something or not and those feelings should feel either exhilarating, scary (in a good way), scary (in a bad way), or just plain ICKY (to name a few feelings). The void of feeling, I believe, is a hint that I perhaps either don't want that, or am not clear on what I want right now and need to be like Sherlock Holmes to find the 'passionate' bits about what I want to be when I grow up...oh wait...I'm grown up...so maybe its what do I want to BE?

Out of body

Last night my daughter was dancing for me (she loves an audience). At one point she said "watch this momma". As she said this I had a moment of disbelief, or "something" where I was caught off guard and the thoughts went like this...

Am I really YOUR mother?

Who is this human being in front of me who seems so mature, confident, talented, 'in the moment'...How did she get to be my daughter?

It wasn't a "I'm not qualified to be your mother?" or a "I'm not old enough to be your mother"...it was beyond that, it was more esoteric. It made me look at her in awe, in wonder, in excitement, in pride that there is a human being that exists that somehow I am her mother but it is bigger than that...more 'cosmic' or something. I just witnessed my thoughts and emotions and thought it was cool. When I did this, I felt more that she was the teacher and I was the student. In fact at one point she asked me to get up and dance with her...and funny enough I felt like I couldn't dance...and I actually think I can, and I'm willing to 'put myself out there'...I felt oddly clumsy, heavy, and not coordinated.

All I have to say to this is 'fascinating'.

Did you have to Alice?

So...here is where I have a dilemma. I shouted out to the world my coaching yesterday. Was I being cocky thinking I would pass?...maybe. Was I asking for your support?...yes. Did I realize that once I told everyone that I would have to announce the results either way?...hmmm shut, I didn't think that one through.

So...here it goes. I enjoyed my time with Martha yesterday on the phone. Half of the time was a chit chat about me which was so cool...then I launched into the coaching and Alice decided to show up. I was techinically fine as a coach...but I didn't exude cofidence...which is what I've been struggling with pretty much the whole time I've been doing this. This is like on So You Think You Can Dance when the judges say you ARE GOOD but you don't know it yet. So Martha said "You have all the skills to be a great coach all you need to do is believe it". And with that her prescription was "more time in the cockpit" and dissolving my limiting beliefs about my coaching (especially coaching important people). I get a 'do-over' when I feel that I am ready to "represent" as an awesome coach who KNOWS that I am good. In the meantime, I'll be logging some "flight time" and hiring a coach.

All of this is good, all of this is right. I am so glad that Martha called my bluff and didn't 'just pass me'. I needed this kick in the pants to clean up my thinking about myself and what I have to offer to the world. As much as it sucks not to be able to announce that I 'passed with flying colors', I am glad that Martha has high standards. This push from her could possibly 'launch me faster' into the space that I hope to be sometime because I'll have had to really sit with myself and acknowledge who I am, what I want to be and how I will share that as a LEADER...not a wishy washy namby pamby (my words not hers). I am licking my wounds a bit and hopefully can snap out of it...but I am also "on it".

Longest 15 minutes

For the past few days I've been bringing up a 'future event' in my mind and quickly pushing it away. The future event is now more imminent and I have to do more mental pushing as it gets closer. The event is my 15 minutes of coaching Martha Beck as my final 'hurdle' toward certification. Well actually my final hurdle is the $775 fee for the final "stamp of approval" from my program.

This 15 minute coaching session is significant in that it gets me certified and it is significant in that Martha Beck is a guru. Here is the rub....Martha is a human being....Martha wants me to succeed...I am a competent human being who happens to have the gift of being intuitive, empathetic, objective etc which has put me in this position of coaching Martha...additionally, who KNOWS what Martha will present as her area of least satisfaction TODAY. There is no value in me sitting and stewing over what that 15 minutes will look like. I will never know until the minutes are actually happening. So I am continuing to do my mental gymnastics of trying NOT to think about 3pm today. I find it incredibly fascinating that just one tiny thought can bring up such an emotional/physical reaction (aka fear/anxiety). I have the same reaction when I'm flying and start thinking about the possibility of it falling from the sky. What I like about my new state of mind is that I notice very quickly when my body is acting anxious (racing heart, butterflies) and I am more quick to assess the "danger" (most often in my head and NOT in reality) and quickly decide how to move me "off the ledge". I will now spend the next 8 hours avoiding my thoughts and then you may hear a huge scream about 20 minutes later (either of joy or agony)...don't worry, its just me!

Gratitude X 10

1. family


2. home


3. connection


4. space


5. sleep


6. nothing


7. something


8. plans


9. solitude


10. rejoining

No Moss

In the days that I have been here in Maryland, I've been quite a busy body going here there and everywhere. I've also scheduled visits with family and friends. Some people are concerned that I will wear myself out. I am more concerned that if I let the moss grow under my feet that I'll have wasted my life away. I know that rest and solitude are also good for "refueling" but I know that day will come and I know I'll recognize when I need it and will do my best to 'just be' . In the meantime, I'm off to yet another place to see yet another friend...and I like it that way!