Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Alice doesn't live here anymore

One of the techniques for my coaching program is to identify your "inner lizard" and name it. The concept of the inner lizard refers to what scientists have identified as deepest layers of the brain which they call the reptilian brain because it is said to be evolved from early vertebrates. This portion of the brain constantly sends out survival fears (like a broadcast) that can be considered lack or attack fears...either we don't have enough of something or we are in real danger. Examples of these human lack or attacks fears (ie your inner lizard) may be the times that you've consistently talked yourself out of something, or when you have certain thoughts or behaviors that you do in times where you are out of your comfort zone, or when you constantly compare yourself to others. Martha Beck describes this much more eloquently and in depth in her book Finding Your Own North Star.

It took me a while to even want to acknowledge that I had a lizard...but as my time in my program has progressed I've really gotten to know my lizard well. My lizard's qualities are: that I can allow people to make me feel small and less significant. It either can be people who show me signs that they believe they know what they're talking about so I defer to their judgement (even if I might have an equally good (or better) idea), my lizard also likes to compare me to all the others out there and likes to talk me into thinking I'll never be good enough, finally, if someone just is a grumpy person and wants to grump all over me, I'll let them and even try my darndest to make them like me even though that isn't even the point of the issue. As I think about these qualities and I think about how I describe them, I often use the term "I make myself small". So as I keep using that phrase, the idea of the story of Alice in Wonderland becoming small came to me (this also fits with an earlier theme in my life).

So, Internet, meet Alice (the lizard), Alice...meet everyone.

As I've gotten to know Alice a little better, I've been able to 'objectify her' (through this technique) and sometimes I can even say "Oh that is Alice talking" or, "I'm not letting Alice win this one", or I can just see when my reactions are Alice reactions. By no means have I solved my issues with this, but I have another way of looking at things and ways of challenging my thoughts. So, eventually, the goal is to transition Alice from playing an active role in my life to being a mere character in a little doll house having a perpetual tea party with the Mad Hatter. Instead of lack or attack, I will be amused (like the Cheshire Cat) by what her story used to be....that is the goal anyway. So what is your Lizard and what is it's name?

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