...memory lane The other night I spent three hours NOT sleeping and I was ok with it because I played fun mental games. One of them was to take a "walk" through my life. I started from my earliest memory and then just let my mind move in a chronologically "forward" trajectory. I loved to witness what came next and to 'visit' for a while and wonder about things. I found it interesting that sometimes I could tell by my body's reaction if a memory was mine or from pictures or stories told by my family. The ones that were told had less of an impact on me. I purposefully chose to remember the good stuff which made it a lovely walk...that isn't to say that I didn't pick apart a few of the memories to see how I was feeling, what I thought about it and maybe if there is something to learn about myself. Here is an observation of my memory walk:
- All of my memories are chunked by location because I moved so much. I wonder about those who have lived somewhere all their life how their memory works? I suspect they'll remember more 'rituals' than I will...like the neighborhood block party, or annual trek to somewhere...that doesn't really come to my mind.
- I cannot do an exact recall of settings but get a sense of things...like I can remember some of my classrooms by sensing where the light was coming in from the windows.
- I realized that the house I'm in now isn't too dissimilar to my house from age 3-8 in Fremont, CA...which was a weird revelation...of course my current house is updated.
- There are some memories that are more vivid than others and I believe they are ones that had more of a heightened emotional state...like skinny dipping with my family (I probably was more than embarrassed) OR maybe they're more vivid because our family continued to tell the stories over time.
- I noticed that in several incidences, I could sense the feeling of not being 'up to par' OR 'out of place' OR 'temporary' OR 'wanting to be more like'...I actually don't mind these feelings because I believe they're a mirror of what I'm feeling in the present. I'm excited to figure it out.
I think it is cool to be an anthropologist of your life, to figure out what makes you tick, find out the source of behavior patterns (both good and bad) and to decide if there are changes that you'd like to make. As I often like to say...Its all fun and games.
1 comment:
I feel like I remember almost exclusively through the 'sense' that I had of something... then, the more I 'think' about it, sometimes I fill in the details which may or may not have even been true, but they become 'true' for me the more I 'remember' it. I guess they would call that 'creating your past' as opposed to creating your future.
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