Showing up

Today my friend told me that she had decided to show up "as herself" to a networking event. I know what she really meant was that she wanted to dress how she usually does and not try to 'impress anyone'. But the alternate thought of showing up as someone else, made me chuckle and then it made me think. When DO we show up as ourselves and when do we NOT?

I believe I do present as an authentic and open person most of the time, but there are times when I do not show up as myself. The times that I am not myself are often when I assess the people around me and decide to compare myself to them. The "I'm not as...." thoughts get in my way. You know the ones: I'm not as funny as, I'm not as rich as, I'm not as smart as, I'm not as creative as, I'm not as confident as. When those gritty judgments enter the room with you then YOU DON'T show up as yourself. I had a client discuss how when she is thinking the thought, "I am too fat" as she is interacting with people, she realizes that she then is not authentic with them. She is focused on those negative thoughts instead of really listening and engaging in meaningful conversations with people she loves. What a powerful insight.

So what is one to do if she wants to show up as her authentic self? The first step is to NOTICE when you're doing it (try not to judge, just witness). Then, once you've noticed, quietly and gently talk to your "I'm not as..." and say thank you for trying to protect me in this situation BUT I am willing to give it a go without you this time. In that place of pushing them aside, witness then how you show up with people, witness then how rich your interactions are, witness then how much more you get out of life. The more you let these thoughts lead the way, the more you are not showing up as yourself...and then you feel a little "off" by the end of your interactions.

One final recommendation is to find a quiet time when you're relaxed and ready to witness your thoughts. Invite your "I'm not as..." in for a visit. Offer an uncomfortable chair near the door; tell them they can come in, but not stay for long. Then ask the questions: What are you trying to tell me? What are you trying to protect me from? What am I believing about myself that isn't true? What can I turnaround about this thought that feels better and MORE true? Ask and listen to the answers. Then, escort your "I'm not as..." out the door and remind them that you'll be fine without them. Over time, they'll show up less and less and you'll be more adept at sending them right back out from whence they came.

As I write this, I am am holding a 'figurative' mirror to my face!