A Matter of Perspective

A family at our school is dealing with the most undeniably awful news. The mom has been "fighting" cancer since November and the current prognosis is weeks to a month. There are no appropriate words to describe how helpless, hopeless and downright sad we all feel about this scenario. I keep trying to write my thoughts and they just don't seem to come out right....so I'll just write them as they flow and you can decide how to 'put it all together'.

I have wanted to help this family out but am only remotely linked to them. In the beginning, I felt as though it would be a burden to the family to have a 'remote acquaintance' offer help. Luckily their support network has set up a system where they can ask for help and it can be delivered without having to disrupt the immediate family too much. I've done a little bit, but it never feels like enough. I know they need meals, but my meals would not be enough (I don't cook AND to provide a meal, I'm thinking it needs to be the whole kit and kaboodle not just an entre...that is a big stretch for me). Early on in this awful scenario, I had offered to photograph their family for them. The mom (the one now dying) was appreciative and asked to delay the photographs until her hair fell out and grew back...well, that is not an option now. I reoffered my services earlier this year when they got more bad news thinking that any documentation at any point that they'd want could be something I could give. I know photography is the last thing they would be thinking of, but I'm thinking that at some point, these moments in their life (regardless of the fact that they are awful) will be moments to remember and pictures can help...but again who wants to think about photography at this point.

So, I wait and I read and I cry and I commiserate and I ask why...but is there ever a good answer to this one. The husband has been journaling about their situation since the beginning and he has written some amazingly poetic, funny, sad, hopeful, faithful, uplifting, and spiritual entries. He is a gifted in writing. I hope that someone can collect his writings and bind them for him (maybe to be published) because they are that good. Maybe that is something I can do. Anyway, his last post was the one that announced the current prognosis and at the end he wrote this (I've edited mainly to make it read appropriately if you've not read the entire entry and I took out her name):

With the help of a friend we started a list today of things [my wife] would like to do while she has the time. I won’t write about her list here, but through my tears I added one item that I want to do. We planted a butterfly bush at our other home before we moved here and it was so small when we planted it. It has grown and grown and I’ve found that I can’t pass a butterfly bush without thinking about her and remembering the day we planted it.

....A sense of immortality comes back to me when I see butterfly bushes and I remember [HER]. I remember.

How can you not cry with that one. Anyway, his reference to butterflies reminded me of my dearest friend's brother's funeral (I don't want to even go "there" on his fight with cancer). They had printed a poem for all who knew him (I couldn't attend the ceremony but was given the poem). I of course cannot locate it when I need it so I think this is the right one that I found online:

I AM NOT THERE
Do not stand by my grave and weep

For I am not there.
I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am diamonds that glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush of butterflies in joyous flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there.

I did not die.

Unknown

Anyway, this whole scenario smacks some perspective square on my face. The myriad minor 'whatevers' I have to deal with REALLY DON'T MATTER. I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful...but I am also sad. Hug your children, call your family, reach out to a friend, forgive a transgression...that is what matters!