And why the silence?

because we've been tearing up the pavement in NYC and buying 'landfill items' in Chinatown!

miniscule

Yesterday my dad and I took 3 younguns to DC to do a portion of what tourists do in DC. We did DC-lite in the 90+ heat and we are still alive to tell (at points it felt as though we might expire). So what is small about DC? It is my WORLD. I have a knack for having small world experiences on a regular basis and yesterday held true to that. We were in the gift shop at the Natural History Museum buying "landfill items" for the kids. I passed by this little girl and felt confused because I recognized her but she didn't belong in DC. So I decided it wasn't her. Then my daughter rushed to me to tell me my son's friend was here...so in fact I DID know her. The issue was that she is neighbor-girl who attends our school in Washington STATE and she did not belong in Washington DC. So, the mom and I did the normal "what a coincidence" kind of talk and went on our merry way. I called my good friend "at home" and told of our chance meeting and at that point I felt "disappointed" because lately I've been "jonesing" for a really off the wall "small world experience" from someone really unexpected. I don't know the "who what where" of what I want, but this chance meeting WAS NOT IT. What it felt more like was that my crazy PTA world is following me and it is trying to remind me that even though I am on summer vacation, I still have an attachment to that 'bloody school' where my kids go. So, universe, you're delivering the experiences, but could you please bump it up a "notch" on the quality of my chance meetings!

Pomp and Circumstance

Today is the day that we celebrate my mom's graduation from an over 28 year career in the Federal Government 20 of which was spent at the same agency, Health and Human Services. Nowadays, who can say that they've worked somewhere for 20 years? I admire her commitment to the agency and to her work there. The area where she works is focused on granting funding to small community units that focused on the "under served" people of the US. Not only did she love the technical side of the work she did, but she also had a sense of a higher purpose in her daily activities. It made the late night calls, weekend work and bureaucratic BS somehow worthwhile. Why do I know all this? Because last night I worked with her on some words to say at her retirement party. I think she is leaving the bureaucratic BS part out.

So as she transitions into this phase of her life she has those feelings that I'm sure most newly minted retirees have. What is my purpose now? How will I spend my time? How will I fit into the world now? To which I say to her, enjoy the ride. Take time to notice what makes YOU tick? Reconnect with yourself and find that sweet spot which marries both the graceful acts of doing "nothing" and being active and knowing when you've "had enough" of each. Here are words I think of when I think of a graceful retirement

1. relax
2. connect
3. passion
4. travel
5. stillness
6. write
7. paint
8. play
9. love
10. read
11. learn
12. sleep
13. serve
14. enjoy
15. walk
16. observe
17. reflect
18. witness
19. vedge
20. LIVE

I raise my glass to my mother and thank her for her service to our country as both a Navy wife (which is undoubtedly a difficult job) and a civil servant. She has inspired me (as a mother) to take action toward my passion and to find that balance of working, and being a support to my family. I wish you all the words I wrote above and a few more...be brave and bold in finding what brings you joy in your retirement, you deserve the best!

I coveteth

I am "back East" visiting family and this morning the light was hitting this display "playfully" and it reminded me that I need to get into my "in-laws" good favor so that the bequeath these to my husband...My father-in-law grew up with these 7 dwarfs in his life and they would be the perfect addition to my belongings...but NOT ANY TIME SOON! I'm hoping that these aren't coveted by anyone else...and if so, I'd gladly part with my desires to maintain familial happiness...too many families are damaged by the dividing of "stuff". On my side of the family, I covet a corner cupboard that"in my memory" was the only constant thing in my life as we moved every 2 years. If my brothers desire it too, I think a third of it (cut with a chainsaw) would look good in my house, but it would be awkward to store anything in it.

Flying High

I think I might be able to say that I am officially over my 'fear of flying'. I still have my moments but I do not tense up at every sound, bump, or turn of the plane. That isn't to say that I won't continue to 'pre-lube' before and during the flight. Yesterday my good friend fixed me a yummy bloody mary before my trip and then I had a couple beers to keep me going. I know that this isn't my mom's favorite quality about me...but if she wants to see me now and in the future, she'll just have to look the other way. I did try an anti-anxiety pill once but that had no effect. I cannot say I look forward to flying yet, but I can say that it isn't as incredibly overwhelming insanely scary anymore. I could write a comedy about all of the strategies I had to combat my nerves when I was at the height of my fears....one of which was singing "This little light of mine" while staring at the splay of light on the floors and rocking back and forth for about an hour as the plane swayed back and forth in a windstorm...if that isn't a picture of insanity, I don't know what is?

Tappity Tap

My daughter has coveted tap shoes ever since we saw a dance recital with tons of tapping. She had some birthday money she hadn't spent. For 2 weeks she prodded about when we'd go shopping for her shoes. Yesterday, her wish was granted and for about 2 hours she danced and danced and danced. Then we had a show. I say, dance away baby it seems to be the perfect exercise for her and she LOVES it! I love to watch her dance (to her own choreography) and I hope that she continues this little passion.

Gratitude X 10

1. A father for my children


2. A father for me


3. A father for my husband


4. A father for my nieces and nephews


5. Fathers that are doing their part


6. Hope for change in the father's who aren't


7. Mentors for those who do not have fathers


8. The father we are raising our son to be


9. Hope that the father to my daughter's children will be as good as hers is.
10. Here's to all the dads out there...keep up the good work (or step up to the plate).

Here and there

So the day I wished for came...the end of school and now I wonder what it was I was looking forward to. I am being fecicious but it is a conundrum in that you wish for school to be out, but the alternative is taking care of your kids 24/7 for 2+ months. If you don't 'do camps' then you're actually figuring out how to entertain them. If you have kids that say "I'm bored" on a regular basis you may end up incarcerated for strangling one of them. But, with that all being said, I do love the summer with my kids. I love waking up with no agenda. I love deciding what different thing we'll do each day. I love coordinating with other kids to have an adventure. I also love doing nothing all day long.

This summer will not play out quite like that until August because we're booked solid with travel. Maybe next year, my summer will be more mellow. Or maybe not!

I make things happen

Today my walking buddy and I were going to walk...even in the rain. I am a little 'gentle' right now as I might have had one too many last night. I kinda was hoping she would "be busy". She wasn't so I donned my shoes, raincoat, walking weights and headed up the hill to her house. This hill, while not too long, ALWAYS kills me. I cannot seem to get the hang of this hill, I have dreams of walking up it with vigor and nary a huff, but 3 years later, I still get winded. Anyhoo, as I'm halfway up the hill I think to myself...wouldn't it be nice if she invites me in for coffee and we skip our walk. I finally make it up the hill out of breath, she opens the garage and there she is in her 'jammies' still and not ready for the walk. She invites me in for coffee...and guess what...we didn't walk. I am Magical!!!! Now what else can I manifest...I'm still working on that cleaning person...no one has come to my door WANTING to clean MY house! (picture is of the hill I walk up on a regular basis)

Nothin'

Yesterday I had a glimpse of my 'old ways' when I was feeling a little underwhelmed with being a stay at home mom, PTSA President...and that was it.

I surfed the web for way to long, I checked my email way too often (with nothing in the inbox), I watched CNN through the same news cycle a few times, I barely ate anything. I was just a blob...and I kinda wanted to stay that way to the bitter end of the day; so I did. What I liked about it is that I got rid of all my 'have tos, and should dos' and did Nada. What I didn't like about it is that what could I have done that would have been a bit more soul fulfilling instead of energy draining...like go to a bookstore and stay all day, or go to a movie, or go out to lunch with a friend, or something way more fabulous than what I did. What is done, is done...and probably needed to be done...BUT it feels as though I'll never get that day back and I could have done so much more with it....OK...I'll put that thought to bed and today; today is my day to go out to lunch, to go to the bookstore, to interact with people, to have a date with my husband and so much more....TODAY!

On a mission

I do some photography as a side business but in the past 3 years it has only bubbled along mostly by choice as I was navigating my move to here, then got swamped with school stuff, then realized that I'd actually have to tell people what I did, then I have issues with asking for money, then, then, then....well for some weird reason...I'm baaaack. Right now I have this desire to take great pictures for people. I love the process of photographing the best of all and then when I'm looking through and editing the photos, I grow to love the images. As a side bonus, I'm trying to raise the money that it will take to pay for my final Coaching certification. It isn't chump change so this will make me feel as though "I did my part". I'm finding it funny that I'm not trying to raise the money through coaching...I think I need coaching on that! Anyway, I cannot show the pictures here to protect the 'secret' for Father's Day...so I'll do the next best thing and show you a picture of Buddy from this weekend at my son's baseball game.

In case you're wondering...

...peanut butter DOES take gum out of the hair.

My daughter had a piece of gum for approximately 15 minutes, then she took a shower, then she came out and proclaimed that gum was in her hair. When I looked I was 'befuddled'. What in tar-nation was happening that the gum that was in her mouth ended up as a HUGE glob in the side of her hair where it would look extremely OBVIOUS if we had to in fact CUT the gum out. Peanut butter (and natural PB at that) worked a charm...but then, I had to pull out the stopper to let the chunks of the PB go down the bathroom sink, and then, one of the kids somehow allowed a small tube of toothpaste go down the sink...so tonight was one comedic 'error' after another...but, for those of us dealing with the errors....notsofunny.

And she's OUT

Last night at 6pm I was 'putzing' around and happened upon my bed...and thought...hmmm, I'll lie down for a few minutes ....fast forward to 7am when the alarm went off today...those were a lot of "few minutes". I obviously needed the rest and now I'm ready for the final stretch... that last ".2"mile of the marathon before it is a new marathon called TRAVEL! At least I can't say I have a boring life!

Gratitude X 10

1. I passed my test!



2. My husband has a new "nonstinky" car



3. Field trip to see sea creatures


4. My major PTA tasks are OVER for the school year



5. Coaching clients



6. Photographing babies



7. Succesful variety show



8. Sleeping in



9. White roses (from V. show)



10. Kids playing legos

The things we do...

Last night I directed our 3rd annual variety show...and this is why I do it every year!

Heart Felt

My husband wanted a new car.

My husband researched cars.

My husband narrowed it down to two kinds of cars.

My husband was conflicted.

My husband asked my opinion.

Luckily my husband asked when I was in a euphoric zen place after my retreat last week because I said....Go with your heart. What do YOU want? (it was a choice between more practical and what he's always wanted)

My husband went with his heart. He now owns his coveted VW Toureg. Here is where practical lost out...there is no "third row"...so I continue to be relegated to the trunk of the car when more than 2 people come to visit. I still feel zen with this. I really DID want my husband to have what he wanted AND follow his heart. Being practical is overrated, following your heart is a 'gift'...I hope more and more opportunities present my family to follow what we want and eschew the "practical-ness" of stuff...It feels much more rich and fabulous this way.....so I am off to buy a 'doggy bed' (of sorts) for my 'rear-end' adventures.

Cathartic Moment

The other night my daughter walked into my office just 'spent'. She had been trying to fall asleep for the night and was having no luck. She said that she kept trying and would almost make it and then wake up again and was overwhelmed by the fact that she had to start over again. I could tell that this was really bothering her so I did a mom-coach thing and asked:

What does this mean to you?

Weeelll. that one question opened the floodgates into my little 9 year old daughter's life. She started talking and talking and talking about EVERYTHING going on in her life...frustrations, habits she's trying to fix, boys who like her but not the other way around, worries about the influences of older kids on her brother, manipulative girls on the playground...the kitchen sink! I sat, I listened, I used questions like: What do you think you can do about that? What would it mean if you stopped doing that? ....lots of open ended questions. It was a fabulous experience that I would like to bottle and open up maybe each month so we can get more insight into my daughter's life, thoughts, dreams...she always has answered "fine" to my questions before. We have a date to talk more, to read about feelings in books (American Girl) and to keep up this connection. I hope that this wasn't our one and only "talk".

Shhh...test in progress

Today from 9-11am I am BUSY. I will be taking my written exam for my coaching certificate. I spent yesterday poking around in my books, notes and on our student website for general memory joggers. The test is 2 hours and it is open book so it felt silly to really "study" as one would do for college exams. This weekend at the retreat everyone who had taken the test said...you'll do fine, don't worry. I think they were sending a hint that it is very straightforward without actually saying it...but what if they just assume everyone passes because THEY did? And what if I'm that one test taker who isn't so keen and really tanks on a 2 hour, open-book, straightforward test? You've just witnessed one of my recent moments and as a coach I have tools to talk myself off the ledge of despair...its called the work. So, I could use my thought...I'm not a good test taker and run it through the process...

I'm not a good test taker.

Is that true? No

What happens when you believe the thought, I'm not a good test taker? My heart races and I feel anxious and 'graspy'.

Who would you be without that thought? Confident, my chest opens up, my face softens, my brain feels 'more clear'.

Now I ask myself to turn the thought around. I AM a good test taker. And then I look for evidence of where that is true....DUH...I graduated Cum Laud in undergrad and got a 4.0 in grad school...which argues not only did I do well on tests, I tested just fine to get into the establishments in the first place. This process provided me relief...it went into my mind and body to access how this thought is 'showing up' and it forced me to see it from another perspective that may be True OR Truer. This is one way to 'dissolve' negative thoughts or beliefs. It can help with just about any thought that isn't serving you well ...and is most powerful with the big thoughts. One time I used it for a cluster of thoughts I had about...My brother should not go to war. Surprisingly, it did provide relief. It forces you to realize that it is 'just a thought' and that it isn't reality and that every time you argue with reality, you lose..full stop.

This is a life long tool because 'you're never done'. You'll more than likely come across many thoughts and beliefs that are stressful and each time, this tool can provide relief. I like to mix it up a bit (with other tools) just to keep myself "guessing" (and my clients too). I also think some thoughts (like my test taking one) can use a simpler technique called Self Coaching. Here's how it goes...

Circumstance: I have a test today (this always stays the same...its a fact)

Thoughts: I am a bad test taker

Emotions: anxious, low confidence, heart racing

Actions: avoid studying, beat myself up, drink champagne while studying

Results: Feel unsure that I'm prepared.

NOW...what would be a better feeling thought to 'plug in'.

Thoughts: I am as prepared as I can be for this test

Emotions: calm, content, a sense of 'knowing'

Actions: Collect all my books, papers and websites and have them 'at the ready' for my test

Results: I feel relaxed and 'prepared' for the test

So in the time that I wrote this post, I not only took my mind off of the actual test I'm taking AND I built confidence that I actually know what I'm talking about. AWESOME. Now...shhhhh...I need to concentrate!

Out of the mouths of babes

Yesterday I had the pleasure of riding the bus with 60 first graders on a field trip. The only open seat was with these two "edible" little boys and luckily they looked excited for me to sit with them (that will change soon enough). We had all kinds of fun conversations especially about cars, police officers, and police officers fighting off dinosaurs. Then I made the mistake of saying something like..."20 years ago I...". The boys look up at me with inquisitive looks:

Boy 1: "How old are you?"

Me: "40"

Boy 1: "That means that was 20 years ago".

Me: "Yes...you're good at math"

Boy 2: "You're OLD"

Me: (hold my tongue)

Boy 2: "That means you're going to die soon"

Me: (you little snot is what I thought...but I said...) "That might not be true because I COULD live to 100 and that would mean I have 60 more years to live"

Boy 1: "That is if you don't die from something like an accident"

Me: "Can we change the subject?"

Re integration

I am back from my magical weekend. I am now back into my "normal" life. I am nervous that the 'tween shall not meet' and I don't want that to happen. I want the feelings, knowledge and general awesomeness to continue into the 'here and now'. Soooooo, I've decided to provide myself an anchor for which I will use to 'ground myself'. I have a bent fork bracelet that my husband gave me at Christmas. I wore it all weekend and had so many compliments on it...besides that though, WE BENT SPOONS at my workshop (and some forks too). So this bracelet really is a symbol of this weekend. I want to clarify though...I DID NOT BEND SPOONS....EVERYONE ELSE DID!!!! I could not figure out how to do it but many of my friends did and I was definitely feeling inadequate...but I'm over it now. Regardless, this bracelet will be my reminder of this weekend so that I can have a regular 'check in' to what this weekend was all about! Magical!

Gratitude X 10

1. No "MOM" for 3 days


2. Husband and kids who are "fine without me"


3. Bloody's on the plane


4. Alone time


5. Reading


6. Time with my new 'tribe'


7. Exposure to awesomeness


8. Hotel stays


9. Nights with new/old friends


10. Money to afford this trip

Glorious Day

This is a pre-loaded post, but I am envisioning a full day of fun and learning with Martha Beck, her students (me too!) and Master Coaches. This is a lovely added bonus to my already awesome year with coaching! Yippee!

Winging it

I have found myself once again "winging" it with elements of my life. This time it is business cards. I am meeting with like-minded people this weekend to immerse ourselves in all things related to being a life coach (and a damn good one too). Well, I have put off the 'business side' of my business (no website, no cards, no separate phone line, no legal documents). I believe this is sign that I am not quite ready...but soon ...to launch. I know that almost everyone will have cards, and websites, and professional blogs, and many paying clients...so I thought at least I'd have SOMETHING to hand out. I asked my friend to design a card. Then I went to print it...the paper size is wrong, the ink is a little 'off', but by golly I have some "cards". This may just incentivize me to actually go a little more 'pro' the next time...or maybe not. As a common saying in our program goes..."I'm willing to suck at it"...and right now I "suck" at the business-side of coaching...I believe that I will be inspired to action at some point...but for now...I'm winging it.

Be careful what you ask for

In September I put together a vision board based on an exercise I did for my program. It represents what I would like to achieve by the year 2011. Some of the things are coming 'somewhat true"...I've been reading a ton, I continue to write, I've 'sort of' exercised more this year, I've augmented my wardrobe with "vintage" clothes, I got a cleaning person ONCE, I've had more money come into my life (but not $150,000), my schedule has been extremely busy and I am soon to be certified as a coach. The one last item I had on my board has come true in spades and I am not sure that is what I had intended...travel is the final one and this is where 'the rub' is. This summer I had visions of 'less travel' than most years (or at least less amount of time away) and it is now back to the same...if not more. All of which are for good reasons, but travel is the name of the game for Summer 2009...here is the schedule:

• Phoenix June 5-7
• DC (area) June 22-July4
• Chicago July 17-19
• Oregon coast July 19-25
• UP of Michigan July 28- Aug 8.

Ca-razy if you ask me...the one who professes to be fearful of flying. So...next year's vision board will be a bit more specific 'methinks'. Back to the drawing board...as the saying goes!

Not another MOM

I feel as though I've blogged about this before...but here it goes again. For the last couple of days it has bothered me that every few minutes one or both of my kids say Mom!.....(as in they want my attention). Sometimes it is to tell me something, sometimes it is to ask me something, sometimes it is to find me, but for some reason this week it is getting on my last nerve. I love them dearly and most of the time whatever they want, need, desire etc. I don't have a problem with it is just that first part...it feels like this Mom-Mom-Mom-Mom-Mom-Mom-Mom-Mom...until infinity. I should count the number of "Moms" I hear and then say it to someone and see how they feel. I know I am blessed to be a mom and the kids I'm a mom to are pretty fabulous...its just...sometimes....you know?

And then there is that magical skill my kids have to know exactly when I'm either in the shower or on the toilet when they must find me and find me now! Before they were in school I felt as though I had NO TIME TO MYSELF. Now I just feel that my 'private times' are being hijacked.

So here is the solution for now...I AM LEAVING MY FAMILY FOR 3 WHOLE DAYS THIS WEEKEND!!!!!! In my mind instead of MOMOMOMOMOMOM...I'll be thinking MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME. Hallelujah!

A day of it

I've already had a full day and its only 6:55am. I never really got to sleep last night due to sneezing, hacking and coughing from some crazy allergies I'm having. At 3:45am I decided to give in and do something besides stare at the ceiling. I've deleted hundreds of emails. Responded to emails that I'd forgotten to...I hope they don't notice the time. I have done a load of laundry, loaded the dishwasher, made coffee, made and eaten slow cook oatmeal, gotten my daughter back to sleep from an early morning nightmare (or would it be morningmare), watched CNN Headline News, and edited some photos for a client. I could call it a day right this very minute. So, who knows what the day may hold...it could be a looooong nap, it could be more of the same productivity, or it could be me rocking in the corner with snot running down my nose because I've cracked up (how is that for a visual)!

Jump Start

I woke up pretty early this morning for no real reason. I kind of like this because it gives me time and space to get my mind and my house ready for the day. I was amazing. I picked up my room, I cleaned my bathroom, I picked up some of the 'stuff' lying around the house, I read all of the blogs I stalk, and read my new emails. That makes me feel like the whole day lies ahead of me and I actually might get some stuff done (or not) and it will be on my terms. Today and this week will unfold much more smoothly than my past few AND I get a reward on Friday....a trip all by myself to be with people who will inspire me...AWESOME!!!