Lazy Day

Two sick kids and a blazing hot day make for a lazy day. With no AC and bad tummies, it is hard to move any faster than a turtle...so that is what we did yesterday.

Gratitude X10

1. Feeling better after a stomach bug yesterday (now the kids have it)
2. Still was able to rally last night to go see Earth Wind and Fire at a Winery...a great night
3. My brother is nearly home with his family
4. My parents are nearly home to hunker down for a long 'recovery' for my mother's shoulder (surgery and recovery to commence next week)
5. Warm weather (a little hot with no AC in the house)
6. Neighbors who so kindly watched my kids while I was out with my husband (see #2). I owe them one.
7. Friends to pal around with this summer at parks, beaches and backyards
8. Signed up for a Life Coach course to commence in September
9. My nephew had an awesome visit and is now on his way to the arms of his daddy (and mommy and sister).
10. My new bracelet that says "What you think you become"

Jinx

I've had a few recent coincidences related to my Italy days:

1. I did my word association for the word Echo in which I mention my days in Italy


2. A few days later, out of the blue, I was invited to join an online alumni network for all who attended Naples American HS. I've really had minimal contact with anyone in 21 years.


3. Then my parents had an incident which brought back memories of Italy (I'll describe below)


4. Then I did another word association for Mineral Oil and it also brought back Italy memories

I know that these aren't earth shattering coincidences but I've been noticing my coincidences more and more and I guess I wonder 'why'...or how could I use this to my advantage...or is this coincidence going to serve as another launching point for something else. It is all fun and interesting and gives me good vibrations...that is all.

Now for the incident with my parents. I had avoided writing about it to respect my parents' feelings (if they had any about me writing about it) but time has now passed and things are moving in the right direction, so I will write...AND my brother mentioned it in his blog. So, if he can, then I can...nah, nah, ne, nah, nah.

So here is the story. Last week I drove my parents to their BIG 45th anniversary trip; a week long Alaskan cruise. They were excited, nervous and ready to "get on with it". I said to my mother, "Mom, please don't recreate the scenario from your 25th anniversary". (I will now describe that incident)

We were living in Italy and they had decided to go on a lovely Amalfi Coast vacation for their 25th. I don't have the places or details straight (I was 18 and parents weren't that cool back then). Anyway, they stayed in a hotel that was 'not busy' at the time so the staff left many of the lights off in hallways etc. Mom opened the door to what she thought was a hallway but was in fact a flight of stairs going DOWN....she and some fancy painted dishes went tumbling down the stairs. She shattered her wrist and other bones in her right arm. She, to this day, doesn't have full mobility of that arm.

Fast forward 20 years to their 45th Anniversary trip this week......My parents had just finished a meal in Scagway and were walking along a street. There was an obstruction in the sidewalk that my mom did not see. She proceeded to fall and break her shoulder and fracture other parts of her LEFT arm. They had to be airlifted to Anchorage, stay in the hospital for 3 days and ended their cruise experience 4 days early. She'll have to have shoulder replacement surgery upon her return home. My mom announced to my dad that they will NEVER take another anniversary trip again...I think I'll have to support this decision. When my dad called to tell me about this situation I kept telling him to stop joking me and tell the truth. I kept saying, "She did NOT, Dad, you're lying, stop teasing me." He finally had to emphatically say I AM NOT LYING for me to realize that it was in fact true.

Talk about JINXING someone. I should never have brought up that incident 20 years before. I feel responsible for this (even though I know deep down that I really am not). CAN YOU BELIEVE MY POWERS? Now many of my friends are saying that I'm only allowed to have positive thoughts about them just in case I DO have powers!

Its good to have goals

10 playgrounds in 2 weeks is my goal for my nephew's visit. I came up with this goal as a way to give us a purpose and make sure we don't waste away our days while he is here. It has actually been a fun little adventure. We are on 8 and I am about to deliver the ninth with some muffins and coffee as my incentive so I too enjoy the experience. It has been fun to see different neighborhoods, different kinds of equipment, and to just have a goal....that is how my life operates; with lists and mini goals. I often use the word babysteps when I'm not feeling as motivated as I should be...so we are off to number 9 and perhaps we'll find number 10 along the way! It is fun to see kids at play, as long as I have my muffin and coffee too.

Word Association: Mineral Oil

Wow, Mineral Oil brought a very sudden and clear memory for me. It is of slathering Baby Oil on my 18 year old body to get a sun tan. The image is of my BFF Jules and me up on the veranda of our Italian Villa (YES, I lived in an Italian Villa with a Veranda and I didn't even appreciate it). We were preparing for Prom and needed to look crisp I guess. I actually think we were careful enough not to burn. My how times have changed. I now slather on the SPF and only spend minimal time in the sun. Will my kids even know that Baby Oil is an option? I hope not.

As for that Prom. I didn't have a boyfriend at the time but Jules did. I was fine with that. I had decided not to 'get involved' that year because I knew that we'd be off to college and didn't want to bother with the drama. So, Jules' boyfriend had a friend who didn't have a date so somehow I was talked into being his date. I really wasn't keen on the guy even though he was super sweet. He just wasn't my type (he had a mustache for one...my father-in-law has one and he looks dapper, but an 18 year old boy...not so much). I feel bad to this day for treating that boy (cannot even remember his name) so poorly. I wouldn't speak with him, I barely wanted to be seen near him, I was a rotten date. I don't know why I did this, it is not like me. I just think I didn't want him to get any ideas and I guess that is how I manifested my intentions with him, to make him miserable. I'm sure he is saying to this day "My Senior Prom sucked". As much as I was an A number One brat...I'm sure I looked FABU with my perfect tan, and my bright blue spaghetti strap taffeta number. Ooo la la.

Picture is a photograph of the scrapbook I made in 1987 of the year I was in Italy...that is my BFF and me toasting our graduation. It was legal to drink in Italy!

Speed Fun (akin to Speed Dating)

Yesterday I took my 'charges' downtown again for a day of adventure in a different part of town. Well there is so much to do for kids in this part of town that I had to plan the day to the minute and have the kids only enjoy each activity for just enough time. So we:

1. Went to our favorite breakfast joint
2. Went to a scenic viewing spot that has a new 'modern' playground
3. Changed into swimming clothes
4. Went to a huge water fountain that the kids can run through
5. Changed out of swimming clothes
6. Rode two rides on the mini carnival area
7. Went to the Science Center
8. Ate our picnic lunch
9. Went back into the Science Center
10. Watched KungFu Panda on the IMAX screen
11. Drove home in traffic
12. Fell down in exhaustion when we got home.

Just as I uttered the words, "I'm worn out", my husband offered me the opportunity to go to the gym if I wanted..."heck no" is all I could mutter. I have issues with working out in the evening. I also have a few issues with envy for my husband's ability to choose his most appropriate hour to exercise and I have to work within the parameters of when I can have someone watch the kids. I think this envy issue is more than just the fact that I can't go on a drop of a dime. It is bigger and more complex, like, I wish I had the desire, I wish I didn't make excuses, I wish that I could go when I wanted which is probably around 7:30am an hour before the school bus comes in the school year, and right when my husband is leaving for his own gym experience or for meetings. In a perfect world right?

As I just wrote this I looked at the bracelet I recently bought. It is one of those silver bracelets that have inspirational sayings on them. This one is a Gandhi quote that says "What you think, you become". I need to start thinking, "I am a fitness freak, I like to workout whenever and wherever I can, I am a fitness freak"....this may take a while to sink in...until then, I'll put my feet up and relax a bit.

I'll show you bored Missy

Yesterday, my daughter decided to inform me at different times of the day that she was bored. This is even when I'd taken her downtown for fun sightseeing, to the aquarium, shopping for a toy, bought a candy stick, yadda yadda yadda. She said she was bored because in fact we were not choosing HER WAY at the aquarium. This is not the first time this summer (which is not yet a week old) that she has said this. Each time it has been preceded by an incident where she was not getting her way with her cousin and brother. I am not well equipped with the right tactics to handle this. I have an issue with escalation with her. If I 'cut her off at the quick' she can get to the storming off, "I'm leaving, never want to see you again" phase very quickly. This is quite inconvenient in public places, in open fields (when camping) and other scenarios. I threatened today that if she said it again, I'd make her sit in her room all day and then she'd understand what bored really feels like...do you think I could follow through with that? 'Prolly not! That would be punishment for us all because she'd likely howl in her room the whole time and we would cower in a corner holding our ears and rocking back and forth. Given that she is not even a pre-teen yet (or maybe she is), I am 'very afraid' about what is in store in the years to come...do you think 'mother's little helper' will come back in style again? Just kidding MOM!

Band Aid Olympics 2008

So our summer is now into full swing and the kids are beginning to show signs that they are really having fun because I've had to administer first aid many times these days. Here are the stats:

Nephew 3 band aids

Monkey 2 band aids (one requiring a second application)

Princess 0 band aids

So in looking at these stats, either my daughter is not 'out there' really going for it (doubtful) or she is more sure footed than the boys (or maybe girls in general are). I'd say that she in fact is the latter. She has a very good sense of balance, will climb the highest and farthest AND be able to get herself back down with nary an injury. That isn't to say that she doesn't have her bumps, scrapes and bruises, but she definitely has good sense of her body and where to take it.

Monkey, he is actually pretty sure footed too but he also is more cautious. His injuries are actually a bit different. One was inflicted by his sister (entirely by accident). My parents took the kids out to dinner and his finger was accidentally closed in the car door. I hear that it wasn't a pretty sight from both the finger and the ensuing emotional recovery. Thank goodness it wasn't on my watch. The finger is fine but does look 'ick' (a second application was required). His other band aid injury was a pogo stick fall. I'm imagining a few more of those if he keeps up his zeal for the sport.

Finally, my nephew. The camping trip was the culprit of his injuries. I think he was a little out of his element OR maybe 9 year old boys go through an accident prone stage. He not only got 3 band aids on our trip, he also banged himself up many times. The boy shed zero tears though (Monkey takes the cake on that). By the end of the trip he had a 'thorn in his ear' which required a band aid (see ear in picture), a mosquito bite that bled (there are few if none in our area), and a pretty nice scraped knee from a scooter fall. I told him that I think he should shoot for 5 band aids, but never followed through. He was a tiny bit worried that his parents might be upset for all of his injuries. I said, if you came back with NO INJURIES that your parents might think you were inside all day watching TV. I hope in fact that is the sentiment of his parents because I have 6 days left to keep him injury free and I don't know if that is possible.

As the saying goes..."Its all fun and games". We are soon out for another day of fun and frolic. We are heading into the big city by bus today, so I don't believe there will be any serious injuries unless someone decides to fall down the 100+ stairs we have to climb down to get to the waterfront...if that does happen, I'm thinking band aids won't suffice....happy thoughts, happy thoughts...fun day ahead.

Gratitude X 10

1. Celebrating my 100th post...who knew I'd be able to keep it up
2. Visit with parents who are now on a cruise to Alaska
3. Nephew here as built-in playmate for the kids so I don't have to hear "I'm bored" as often
4. Sunshine FINALLY (but not too hot)
5. Fun camping trip
6. Date nights two weekends in a row with our fun friends (not good for my goals for 'bathing suit bod' this year)
7. Brother on his way home from Afghanistan for some R&R for 2 weeks (safe travels bro')
8. Went to the gym 3 days this week AND have tried to walk as much as possible (see #6)
9. Exploring our home town through the eyes of my nephew next week
10. Sunshine (I think it deserves two spots on this list...so that perhaps it will stay).

A camping we will go

We're off today to take my nephew camping. It should be a fun time. I'm hoping the sleeping scenario isn't crazy. I've never been able to sleep well in a tent for some reason, but that does not stop me from loving to camp. The first time we went camping here 2 years ago, was the first time I had camped since the early '80s. When I heard the sound that shoes make in the dirt deep in the woods, it made me 'feel' the memories of my childhood. No specific event came to mind, but I just felt a sense of being in a comfortable, lovely memory. Hopefully the kids can have that same memory some day. I'm off to get packed and to buy s'more fixin's...gotta have s'mores or it ain't campin.

Candy apple red

Yesterday started off quite chilly and I had little hope that it would get warm...Negative Nelly was wrong. The day turned out to be just like Baby Bear's porridge, not too hot and not too cold, just right. My parents and nephew are here so instead of a normal summer day where it is possible that I would not even step out of the door until 3pm, we packed a picnic and walked a mile to our beach (which is actually a large lake).

Here is where the red tulips come in to play, my daughter ran ahead with her friends, "put sun screen on" and went into the water before I could intervene. Everyone was having a ball, we stayed for almost 3 hours, the kids swam, played Frisbee, played on the play ground and then more of the same. I did reapply sunscreen several times, but I do believe that the damage was done on the first 'application'. My daughter starts her summer with a really nice crispy burn on her back and shoulders. The kind that gets redder and redder as the day progresses (see red tulips as a visual). Luckily (and this is only by chance, not because I'm a prepared mom), I had some lidocaine burn gel to lather on last night. Anyway, I suspect some peeling will ensue in a few days...She'll probably enjoy that part of summer too...isn't it (in a sick way) rewarding to be able to peel off a huge layer of skin in one go...come on, you know that secretly you enjoyed that too when you were younger (or even last summer).

I want to send out a message to my brother in A-ghan (and his wife). I DID NOT burn your very sun sensitive son. He looks as perfect as he always does AND he is having a great time AND he is 'representing' as the good son that you've raised...thanks for sharing him with us. Another message goes out to all my siblings and other family and friends...MY MOTHER WALKED THE WHOLE WAY TO THE BEACH AND PLAYED FRISBEE...Rock On Mom (raise your hand with the "I love you" symbol please).

69, 70, 71, 72....

This is what Monkey woke up at 6:30am to do, dressed and ready to go. Yesterday (his first half day of freedom) he mastered the pogo stick (which is a cool way to start the summer I think). Now he cannot get enough of it despite the bitten tongue and the scraped shins. He normally wakes at 8am OR LATER if he could have his way, so you know this is important stuff. I had to break the news to him that pogo sticking cannot commence until after 8:30am (or later if the neighbors could weigh in).

Please note the attire...yes it is THAT COLD on June 19th to have to wear long pants and long shirt probably all day...this is not the summer weather I knew as a child.

School's out for summer

queue music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xBNAwwqjkw&feature=related

Well actually at 12pm school is out. Princess is frantically deciding what her "outfit" should be for the last day. Monkey is trying to write a nice note to his teacher. I am actually looking forward to summer and having fun with the kids. Some people are poised to put their kids into camp the minute their feet hit freedom. For some reason, I am not that way. Ask me how I feel about the summer in August, I may be forking over a small fortune to put them into overnight camps to get them out of my hair...but I somehow don't think so.

A star is born

Friday night was the Variety Show at our school. I was one of the co-chairs and Princess was a participant. Well let me tell you, she put on a show. Everyone else definitely performed, but Princess took it to a whole new level. She sang AND danced. The other singers would do a hand gesture here and there, but my girl, she took control of the stage and went for it. Of course I'm not biased. She made us all proud. It makes me want to give her more and more of those very experiences that she seems to take on with such grace, conviction and bravery. I for sure could not and would not do that. In fact don't EVER ask me to sing Karaoke. I won't do it...no, no, never, nuh uh uh! And that is my final answer.

All fun and games

Last night I worked my fingers to the 'nub' filling and tying 90+ water balloons. Princesses class is having a field day today. Try stretching a rubber band over you wet hands over 100 times (some broke, some spilled, some wouldn't tie right). Let me know how it feels!

Gratitude X 10: Special Edition

This episode of my Sunday gratitude is dedicated entirely to my husband. My guest writers are his children:

1. He's nice (princess)
2. He's funny (princess)
3. I love him (princess)
4. I'm grateful that he is my dad (princess)
5. He takes us to fun parks (princess)
6. I love him (monkey)
7. He's nice (monkey)
8. He's funny (monkey)
9. He's cool (monkey)
10. I'm grateful that he lets me get exercise (monkey)

So, I see that there is a consensus that daddy is funny and nice and that his kids love him. I think that this performance appraisal shows that he has been doing a great job this year. I'm sure next year his review will be even better : ).

The picture is of our 'breakfast in bed' for daddy today.

A beautiful thing

A beautiful thing happened today. A multitude of familes from our school community came out to help and honor the family who lost their mom/wife. One of her last wishes was to have a swing installed in the backyard for the children. She specifically requested a park quality swing. Their yard needed some changes to be prepared for said swing...so we all came to pitch in. Many of the men set to work to solve the 'riddle' of how to level the earth to make the area ready while many of the other men and women set about to tackle the front and back yard which had become overgrown due to the fact that the family's focus was understandably elsewhere.

When we first arrived it felt like an overwhelming and 'impossible' feat to be able to pull up all the weeds and overgrowth, and to plant some annuals to add some color to their front yard. Well, we left that house 5 hours later and the front yard looked fabulous and by golly the back yard looked 100 times better than we had started. It was an amazing feeling to see all of the families rally. Many of us mom's couldn't make direct eye contact or we might cry, or we would make eye contact and share a knowing tear. Whenever the family's kids came out, it was hard not to weep, but we didn't let them see, we included them in our activites and made them feel special. What an amazing day it was.

We made so much progress and the yard looked fabulous. While we were working, I kept thinking about the men who were involved and wondering how it felt to them. The act of helping this family was rewarding in of itself, but to help one of "their kind" in this time which they would NEVER want to be; losing their wives, losing the mother of their children, being left a single dad, having to have others "help you", having to have people see you in the worst pain you can ever imagine. I guess today put a totally knew spin on Father's Day for many of the Dads who helped. I hope that the husband can look at his yard tomorrow and feel as though his wife had sent him her own special Father's Day gift through our busy little hands today.

Today I am at both ends....

For everything there is a season,

And a time for every matter under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to seek, and a time to lose;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away;

A time to tear, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate,

A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

My day starts with: A time to mourn. The dear mother from our kids' school has, as her husband said "fought the good fight and is now with God and likely making him laugh with her humor and stories." Pray for these motherless children and for the father who has lost the love of his life. They need strength.

My day ends with: A time to dance. The school's Variety show is tonight which has dancing, singing, and laughter.

Word Association: Echo

I decided that when my brain was stuck that I'd use the dictionary and play word association and see what it brings to mind. So today I 'dipped' into my dictionary, pointed to a word and read it (mind you the words are TINY and it took me a while to decipher what word I found). So the word is Echo and my mind went to the Italian word Ecco. For some reason, I hear my dad saying this. We lived in Italy for 2 years when I was in high school and beginning of college. I somehow think that my dad liked the word and used it often...but it has been over 20 years since I was there, so...memories do fade. This took me for the search of the spelling and definition of the Italian word which is Ecco meaning "here it is". Well, I like that word too, it makes me feel like its an accomplishment kind of word. I've been looking for my $100 and Ecco! I've lost my key (which I do often), Ecco! I lost my mind, Ecco!

High on a hill

At the bus stop today I had a song playing in my head. It got there on its own because I've not heard it recently. It is the song from Sound of Music...High on a hill was a lonely goater, yoda le, yoda le, yoda le hee hoo. That song, while sweet and simple, sounds kind of like a crazy lady song to be singing at the bus stop...especially when it was not preceded by any incident or viewing of the movie. I announced to the other bus stop people that if they saw me in my nightgown (well, I don't really wear nightgowns so it would be odd in and of itself) twirling around in the yard, that they might want to call the authorities. Those are my thoughts for the morning. I am feeling more 'whelmed' today, but challenges from yesterday remain the same. A shift in perspective, and one day closer to it all being done I guess.

Dear Diary...I'm overwhelmed

OK...I'm not 100% overwhelmed, but this week is snowballing into craziness on so many levels; PTSA this, PTSA that, 8 year old doctor appt, Budget Meeting, Tball practice, Newsletter meeting, Board Meeting, Gymnastics, Variety Show, finalize this, follow through on that. And, oh by the way it is rainy and cold, I went to bed at 3am and a mother of 3 is dying. That is where I am right now...but as usual, I forge forth with as positive an attitude as possible. Oh yeah, and my tummy hurts...wah!

By the way, here is an article on being whelmed...it puts a spin on this whole crazy mess.

Weird things are happening

I know I already posted today and I have been trying to stick to one a day, but this just happened and I had to tell. OK, so I've been thinking about my $100 lately because I took it out of my wallet recently when I went on a trip. I didn't want the burden of worrying about it. Well, the bill went from this bag to that for a while and at some point I'd forgotten about it and forgotten where it had ended up (don't tell my husband). Anyway, its been on my mind for the last few days and then today I was poking around on my blog reviewing things and came across my post about it. It put the $100 back on my radar of wanting to find it. Do you know what? I am wearing my PARKA because it is FREEZING and just as I saw and thought about that blog, I felt something in my inside pocket. I thought, could this actually be my $100 and IT WAS. It manifested itself out of 'mid air' essentially. Holy tomato I say! Anyway, just thought I'd share. I'm still focusing on channeling these powers in good ways...maybe I'd be a good circus act!?

I know I'm her mom but...

So Princess has always shown signs of being artsy fartsy and I've tried to honor that side of her. Sometimes I think I should really go for it and do it all...piano lessons, drama, choir, dance...but then that would require a significant investment, and oh by the way, she may not REALLY be that talented. Anyway, we've been reading the poems of Shel Silverstein and she's been inspired to write her own pieces of work. Yesterday she wrote 4 poems and the first was her most inspired, and her second was a hoot...so here they are:

My Dream

Once I had a dream
It was what I wanted
Over the mountain where I could see the sea
Where dolphins were my only friends
Though I felt sad, I was glad I had friends
Some day my dream will come true
And so, I hope to go over the mountain, I do.

City Girl

I’m a city girl
I said that I’m a city girl
I live now in the country
Where it is nice and quiet
But, I miss the city
Where I can go shopping
Oh, oh….I’m a city girl.

Note: Princess is the one with face to audience in the middle of the 3 girls that are closest to the front of the stage...does that make sense?

Gratitude X 10

1. My family
2. My friends
3. My life
4. No rain today (so far)
5. My gift of photography
6. Playing 20 questions and thumb wrestling in bed with my kids
7. Princess learning heart and soul on the piano and being so proud (but my brain hurts from hearing it for the 100th time)
8. All of the cute curious questions Monkey asks me (it reminds me that he is still my little boy)
9. Emails with my brother www.parisafghanistan.com
10. This creative outlet....happiness and sunshine (and moonshine too).

Picture from our Christmas card was taken by my sister-in-law!

Wrong side of the bed

How would YOU like to wake up to a child slapping you in the face, then kneeing you in the ribs, then elbowing you in the back? Sounds like an aggressive, good-for-nothing child, right? Well it is actually a sleeping boy in my bed who was invited in by daddy. Somehow, mommy's body is more fun to punch around than daddy's body. On top of that, it is fun to REALLY wake up to "Mommy, I accidentally went potty in the bed"....oh joy! That is how my morning began. It is hard not to grumble about my husband's choices because, while I'm not against kids in bed in the morning, I always tell them they must go wee wee before they can hop in. I would love to rewind the morning because our new(ish) bed will never be the same and it is hard for me to 'get over it'. But, I must and I will and things could be WAY WORSE in my life.

This morning my daughter railroaded me into playing Littlest Petshop. I'm not very good at "playing" (I'm always thinking of all the other things I could be getting done) but I decided that this is a moment that should be taken; it will go a long way. Well I'll be doggoned it if I didn't have a great time. We played school with the Petshop animals. We each alternated reading a poem from Shel Silverstein's Where the Sidewalk Ends (which we both LOVE) then we made each animal tell a story, sing as song, say a poem and on and on. I entertained my daughter with southern voices, British voices (if you could call it that), Valley-girl voices and singing Annie's Tomorrow at the top of my lungs. She sat and stared at me as I performed. I'd like to think it was in awe and admiration, but it could as easily been embarrassment and disgust. It made me feel good to have her see me "just going for it". I feel that the more she sees me (and her dad) being confident in anything (even if we aren't good at it), it'll be a positive influence. Our playing was a lovely little experience for both of us. Our "playdate" almost made up for the start of my morning.

What month is it?

OK, I've ordered the straight jacket just in case I do really lose it. The weather here is abysmal and I've had it! Right now it is 48 degrees and it is raining, and it has been this way all week. The weather man (and he is a man on the channel I'm watching) keeps calling it October/June... neat! They've even reported snow at the higher elevations...isn't that neat too! I'm usually 'go with the flow' on things even regarding the weather, but I think I've found my breaking point. The only silver lining in this whole thing is that last year at this time it was much warmer and the poor kids were learning in little 'boiler rooms'. The other thing about boiler room classrooms is that when the kids get to 4th grade they move up a floor in the building. You know that heat rises, right? Well, heat rising, hot day and 100+ (pre)pubescent teens makes for an interesting and stinky learning environment. My kids aren't 'there' yet, so we've not experienced this phenomenon, but it isn't far away.

Last night I was sitting at the dinner table with my face toward the window. The sun actually decided to peek out of the clouds to tease me. The sun was shining straight into my eye making me squint. My sweet son offered to close the blinds. I turned to him with an almost psychotic look and said, NO! (in a nice way of course because I am the most wonderful mom in the whole wide world, right?). I sat there, closed my eyes and took in the sun for the moment that it was there. That is called 'living in the moment'....well the moment left me (and so did the sun) and I had a 'little' spark in me for a bit. But now I'm back to my near nervous breakdown status.

At the top of my lungs

Two nights ago it was 'chucking down rain' to use a British term that I love. The weather here...well...it sucks. It has mainly been rainy and cold for just about a FULL YEAR. I am not hopeful that it will change to the 'fabulous summers' that I'm told happen here. It just doesn't seem possible that the rain and cold will ever go away; its never ending. I think the 'weather dial' up in the atmosphere is stuck somehow and some weatherperson needs to go FIX it and NOW.

So, the weather that night had gotten on my very last nerve and I decided that a good scream might help. So, I announced to my family that I was going to "scream into this here pillow for a bit"...and I did. My kids first looked wide-eyed and then they smiled but still weren't certain if mommy 'was right in the head' (she wasn't). I settled down for a bit, but then the rain and wind picked up again....so I went in for another scream. The kids were more comfortable with this one. I had one final bout where I needed to let it out and this time I decided I wanted to hear what the real scream sounded like. I warned the family that this was not a test, it was the real thing. They prepared themselves with their fingers 'half in their ears'. My husband said worriedly that our 'nosey neighbors' may in fact feel as though they need to investigate...and I said, well let them. So, I belted it out once again. It was a good scarey kind of scream one might expect in a horror flick. It felt good and it did release something in me. I might need to do it again tonight to let out the frustrations I'm feeling about my previous post. Maybe it'll be a nightly ritual. This leads me to the story about another scream I've let out in my life....

We were living in Raleigh, NC circa 2004. I had just returned from a road trip and was unloading our luggage. We had street parking, so it was a haul and I left the door open to make it speedier. All of our stuff was in, I shut the door and we went on our merry way as a family. We happened to be in the back room watching the 'tube' when my husband said he needed to make a phone call to our neighbors who were having us over for dinner. I hear him on the phone talking quite bruskly with our "friends"...such words as HEY MAN, WATCH OUT MAN. My thoughts were "how rude" and I decided to go see what all of the fuss on the phone was. As I turned the corner I see my husband "interacting" with a black man in our kitchen. Well, my first reaction was NOT IMPRESSIVE. I let out the biggest girliest scream you can imagine. I recommend NOT doing this if you are ever in this situation. This aggitated the dude and he took us all back into our back room where our kids were...gulp. He asked both of us to go get our wallets and our jewelry. I reasoned with him to let us go one at a time so our children would not be frightened (which oh by the way they were anyway). So, he takes me first and says where is your jewelry. My first (and again notso-smart) reaction was to grab the engagement ring on my finger and say "please don't take my engagement ring". Well I'll be darn tootin' if that burglar man was kind enough to let me keep it but he wanted to see the rest of my jewels. I followed his instructions and gave him the box with my "jewels". He threw the box down and said "where are your diamonds". This is where I wish I could have pressed pause so that I could have a moment to think of my crafty response because what I said is, "I don't have any, we don't have that kind of money"...but what I wished I had said was..."YEAH HUSBAND, where are my diamonds?" (just kiddin' puddin'). Anyway, he didn't like what I had to offer so he put me back with the kids and led my husband out to his wallet. Luckily my husband had just gone to the cash machine so the $200 made Mr. Burglar happy enough to decide to leave us alone. The whole time he was moving us around he had his hand covered by his jacket. I sincerely do not believe he was packing the heat, but when there are children involved, you don't want to take that risk. He finally made his way out and announced that "he would come back and kill all of us" if we called the police. Guess what, we called the police. I don't want to go on and on about this because it is long enough, but good news, he was apprehended a few weeks later and he got into some trouble. One of the things he was charged with was kidnapping. I found that to be interesting. Because he moved us from room to room against our will, it is considered kidnapping.

My reaction to the whole thing once the dust had settled was that of Empathy which is sooo weird and confusing to me. My take on the "story" was that we were living near the 'hood (in an historic neighborhood) which was a risk WE had taken, the man was down on his luck, he saw our door open and was planning to 'dip in and dip out'....unfortunately I shut the door and he was stuck inside (our door beeped when opened and shut). I have often referred to him at the Benevolent Burglar since he let us both keep our wedding 'things'...my ring and my husband's watch I gave him. I chalked it up to a man born into the wrong family and so he was destined to be right where he was. My husband on the other hand, still feels to this day that he'd like to 'kick the crap out of him' (sorry mom) if he EVER had to see the man again...I guess "proud papa bear" is protecting his cubs. Anyway, my most recent scream scenario, while not as dramatic, is my preferred way to scream...you should try it sometime!

Can you imagine? I cannot!

This was forwarded to me today:

Dearest Teachers and Staff,

I ask everyone if you would please pray for my mother. The doctors say that they will only give her a month or two before she could die. But they have made mistakes with others and I am hoping that they have made that same mistake.

I want to ask everyone to please keep her in your thoughts. Thank you.

Love,
Alexis (the daughter of a mom in our school - see post below)

A Matter of Perspective

A family at our school is dealing with the most undeniably awful news. The mom has been "fighting" cancer since November and the current prognosis is weeks to a month. There are no appropriate words to describe how helpless, hopeless and downright sad we all feel about this scenario. I keep trying to write my thoughts and they just don't seem to come out right....so I'll just write them as they flow and you can decide how to 'put it all together'.

I have wanted to help this family out but am only remotely linked to them. In the beginning, I felt as though it would be a burden to the family to have a 'remote acquaintance' offer help. Luckily their support network has set up a system where they can ask for help and it can be delivered without having to disrupt the immediate family too much. I've done a little bit, but it never feels like enough. I know they need meals, but my meals would not be enough (I don't cook AND to provide a meal, I'm thinking it needs to be the whole kit and kaboodle not just an entre...that is a big stretch for me). Early on in this awful scenario, I had offered to photograph their family for them. The mom (the one now dying) was appreciative and asked to delay the photographs until her hair fell out and grew back...well, that is not an option now. I reoffered my services earlier this year when they got more bad news thinking that any documentation at any point that they'd want could be something I could give. I know photography is the last thing they would be thinking of, but I'm thinking that at some point, these moments in their life (regardless of the fact that they are awful) will be moments to remember and pictures can help...but again who wants to think about photography at this point.

So, I wait and I read and I cry and I commiserate and I ask why...but is there ever a good answer to this one. The husband has been journaling about their situation since the beginning and he has written some amazingly poetic, funny, sad, hopeful, faithful, uplifting, and spiritual entries. He is a gifted in writing. I hope that someone can collect his writings and bind them for him (maybe to be published) because they are that good. Maybe that is something I can do. Anyway, his last post was the one that announced the current prognosis and at the end he wrote this (I've edited mainly to make it read appropriately if you've not read the entire entry and I took out her name):

With the help of a friend we started a list today of things [my wife] would like to do while she has the time. I won’t write about her list here, but through my tears I added one item that I want to do. We planted a butterfly bush at our other home before we moved here and it was so small when we planted it. It has grown and grown and I’ve found that I can’t pass a butterfly bush without thinking about her and remembering the day we planted it.

....A sense of immortality comes back to me when I see butterfly bushes and I remember [HER]. I remember.

How can you not cry with that one. Anyway, his reference to butterflies reminded me of my dearest friend's brother's funeral (I don't want to even go "there" on his fight with cancer). They had printed a poem for all who knew him (I couldn't attend the ceremony but was given the poem). I of course cannot locate it when I need it so I think this is the right one that I found online:

I AM NOT THERE
Do not stand by my grave and weep

For I am not there.
I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am diamonds that glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush of butterflies in joyous flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there.

I did not die.

Unknown

Anyway, this whole scenario smacks some perspective square on my face. The myriad minor 'whatevers' I have to deal with REALLY DON'T MATTER. I am grateful, I am grateful, I am grateful...but I am also sad. Hug your children, call your family, reach out to a friend, forgive a transgression...that is what matters!

Kermit has a point

I'm in a list making mood today, so I thought I'd do my blog as a list. The list is the 10 things I do that are green.

1. Reusable bags for shopping for over a year (the clerks always give a little glare when I arrive)


2. Recycle paper, bottles, glass and plastic (all in one bin thanks to Waste Management)


3. Shop at consignment stores (fashionable, cheap AND recycling)


4. Put food waste in yard waste bin (husband isn't as vigilant so I've been know to forage through the garbage for things like coffee grounds and vegetable clippings...yuck!)


5. Ride the bus /bike when possible (this is more of a goal than a practice at the moment)


6. Only go grocery shopping once a week (sometimes we are 'cupboards bare' but I hold out as long as I can)


7. Reduced number of "one off" trips in the car (eg to run errands, back and forth to school etc). Carpool to events as much as possible


8. Recycle clothes, toys and 'things' at Goodwill


9. Organic foods (when and where we can afford it)


10. Other normal stuff, turn off lights, reduce heat

Here are things that I struggle with. I take a shower daily (except when I'm being a sloth on the weekend). I have been "blessed" with man hairs on my legs so I shave every single inch of my legs daily for aesthetics AND because it 'bloody hurts' when I don't. So not only do I shower daily (which some may say is a good thing), but they are long due to the shaving thing. I guess if we win the lottery I could invest in the laser hair removal process...that just sounds PAINFUL.

I also have been known to fall asleep TOO OFTEN in front of the TV and so the TV is on all night long (naughty, naughty). I also don't turn off my computer as much as I'd like. I think that we could reduce the heat more in the home but sometimes I am cold to the core; maybe due to the floor to ceiling windows and wood floors and bad insulation OR maybe the weather stinks here.

A new 'guilt' thing that is creeping in on me but unrealistic is that when we go to 'fast food' joints I see so much food waste, paper, plastic etc going right into the trash and it seems so wrong. It would be so great if they could separate out waste so we could do our part. I've actually been known to carry my own garbage out of these establishments to appropriately dispose of them at home.

You see, I am a rule follower to a fault (I actually can confidently attribute this to my parents in a good and bad way). So, when I see that the rules are being broken (albeit self imposed or environmentally imposed) I get that lovely feeling of GUILT. Some may ask if I'm Catholic or Jewish...no and no.

Here is one last thing on the topic of Green. Last year I started having these overwhelming feelings of angst over the crazy conspicuous consumption we Americans participate in. It came to me when I was in Las Vegas with my family. We had taken the kids to the M&M store there which is a 'destination' of sorts. This place was a 4 story establishment with M&M memorabilia "crap" EVERYWHERE...pens, cups, shoelaces, key chains, clothing, pillows...you name it they had it. The store was FULL to overflowing and it made my head spin to think that this abundance of CRAP even existed. Why does one NEED this stuff? Why can't we just eat the M&Ms and be happy? This made me think that this is just one little (really big) store in Las Vegas selling this CRAP, how many other stores exist "out there" and how many other product lines have this much superfluous junk for sale. I was overwhelmed to almost feeling sick about it. I still feel this way and that is one reason why I do not participate in the whole 'shopping experience' . I always say that I am not a normal girl. I've never enjoyed shopping and I cannot see it happening anytime soon. I feel as though if I don't buy the stuff (and hopefully others don't either) then perhaps they'll stop making it...but that would take a miracle wouldn't it?

Rat-a-tat-tat

Last week was a 'skin crawling' week with Herman dying and bird splatting, but I did not report on the trifecta event due to lack of time and lack of energy. So here is the story, you know how generally things happen in threes; Well, my third squeamish event happened the day after bird splat day. We were seated at the dinner table as a family (as we do almost every night) and I look out onto our deck to find a lovely RAT eyeballing our bird feeder. It even was doing acrobatics trying to reach up to grab onto the the darn thing. The bird feeder is only 2 weeks old. My inlaws have a lovely array of birdfeeders and houses in their yard and they thought our yard needed one; so while they were here they bought us one. I love their birds, but I also know that they struggle with squirrels so I was skeptical about said bird feeders. The squirrels did come and my inlaws configured a way to keep them at bay as much as possible, it really didn't work out that way AND oh by the way, other varmits have caught on. Needless to say, birdfeeders are OUTA here and rat reduction plans are in the works (aka poison)...but don't tell PETA.

So, this is a great segue into my other RAT story. When we lived in Menlo Park, CA in a rented bungalow in 2001, I had an incident. I had just given birth to Monkey and was dealing with an 18 month old 'spirited' child as well while my husband was off on a business trip. The kitchen and master bedroom were located close to each other. One night I hear a scratch, scratch, scratch noise in the kitchen so I'd run in and try to 'catch a glimpse of it' but of course, when I came, the noise stopped. This went on for several nights. Then I noticed that some fruits would be 'tampered' with. I told my husband of this incident and he blew it off as me being sleep deprived and perhaps my daughter had gotten into the fruit. Then one day I had fed Princess and whisked her into the bath leaving a bunch of food crumbs all over the floor. When I returned, all the food was GONE. Yikes. That really threw me and made me NOT WANT TO BE IN THE HOUSE ANYMORE. But, I had to soldier on. I told my husband of this new scenario and he still tried to blow it off. He thought maybe I didn't remember that I picked it up or that my daughter ate OFF THE FLOOR. So, I'm dealing with newborn, spirited daughter and alien in the house. Then my husband returned from the trip and HE then heard the scratch, scratching and THEN he understood that in fact some THING was doing all of the craziness in our house. He too tried on several occasions to catch a glimpse but with no avail. So, we call the landlord and they have someone come in. They set traps in the crawl space and low and behold it was a gi-normous rat (or so my husband says because I did not want to see). The scratching was the rat eating its way around some foil that surrounded the dishwasher which was the opening where the rat entered. Boy did I feel yuck about that one and had my kitchen 'sterilized' afterward. So, Rats and me.....notsomuch.

Gratitude X 10

1. Happy healthy family


2. Gift from my friend: plaque that says "Search for the Silver Lining"
   
3. Friday evening with friends


4. House picked up (please stay that way)


5. A day of doing NOTHING (yesterday)


6. Kids that enjoy playing together


7. Herman appropriately buried and 'happy in heaven' (see photo)


8. Flowering bushes still in bloom (lots of pink)


9. PTA budget meetings nearly over


10. A not-so-busy week ahead