Delusional

At dinner last night I was describing an 'incident' on my weekend in Austin. My friends and I were at an Irish Bar enjoying music and conversation when the man next to me kept tapping me on the shoulder and asking me questions. I clearly had MY BACK to the man and he still thought it was appropriate to engage in conversation. I told him we had come from all over to visit for a short weekend...he continued to tap me on the shoulder....I told him about my fabulous family AND HUSBAND and he still tapped me on the shoulder. I have issues with being TOO KIND and so I continued to respond to his taps and his questions. My kids' observations were:

Monkey: I think he wanted to marry you

Princess: You should have told him you don't talk to strangers

Monkey: You should have ignored him

Princess: You should have reminded him you were married

I have an active 'people pleasing' gene that somehow doesn't seem to allow me to ignore OR 'tell it like it is' OR say 'shove off mister'. In these situations where someone clearly isn't getting the 'message' (back turned, telling I'm married, telling I'm visiting with my friends etc)...subtle but clear that I'm not interested, I get befuddled and frustrated...why do I somehow attract the losers? Why don't they get the message? Why me? I guess I must give a vibe that I'm a sucker....I need to find an alternative vibe....is it Bitchy Woman?

Even though this guy's unwelcome attention was annoying, it was definitely a funny story because the man was DELUSIONAL.

• He told me that he knows how to read people - NO HE DOESN'T.


• He told me he had dated several Miss Americas in his day - that does not seem plausible.


• He told me that he had dated Farrah Faucet when she lived in Austin - WHAT?


• He asked me my sign (I'M NOT JOKING) and said...aaah yes, now I know why we get along so well - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?


• He told me that when he finished rehab he was going to go to visit family in Virginia - rehab? really? in a bar?

Then, the 'piece de resistance'....he asked me why I got married so late....I WAS 26!!! That is early to me. He asked why I waited...I said I wasn't even planning to get married until I was closer to 30 but I met the right man early. He asked again, why so late? I said that people (and men specifically) aren't really "ready" before they're closer to 30...they're still figuring out who they are. He then told me that he had heard of this "nugget of truth" from PLAYBOY when he was 17 (by the way if you haven't gleaned, this was an older gentleman). He had read an article (REALLY...he read an article????) that said that men shouldn't get married until they are 30. He said he was so disappointed by that article. The woman standing next me was so quick...she said..."then you turned the page and you were happy again"...he DIDN'T GET THE JOKE....I had to explain that when reading "articles" in Playboy that every other page has "photographs" that might be pleasing to a man.

Oh LORDY that was such a frustrating, comical, INSANE event that evening....why me?