Food for thought

In my life, I've had several situations where someone has revealed his or her first impression; or impressions of a specific interaction. These revelations have made me think about how interesting it would be if we could have a 'performance review' of sorts in all of our social interactions. For example, what if what we think we've made a kind gesture but actually it comes across to the recipient as arrogant, insincere or, the opposite, amazingly impactful.

One of these said impressions I've left has actually been revealed recently. I've been hooked into a social networking group for my High School in Italy. A classmate (actually a few years younger) revealed that I made an impression on him. I kindly replied that I had hoped it was a good one and also indicated that I don't quite remember the details of said interaction. Well, it turns out he had a tiny crush on me and that one day on the bus I sat and spoke with him and actually touched him on the arm and that one interaction and gesture had an impact. Deeper into the story is that he had actually experienced a great loss (at a young age) just that summer. His girlfriend was killed in a moped accident and he understandably was devastated. He said that my interaction was the first time he found that there was hope for finding 'love' and that he would in fact have feelings that were beyond loss again in his life. So, WOW what an interesting thought for me...that, unbeknownst to me, I made a significant impact in such a little way. How many more of those are out there in my life that I don't even know (not in that same way, but maybe I've impacted a child's opinion of herself, or empowered a coworker...or something else positive...or negative?).

When I was in high school, my friend admitted to me at some point that when she first met me she did not like me. That was another 'awakening' moment. It made me wonder what it was about me that made her (or others) not feel kindly towards me. I know that when I enter a new situation I can be quiet and shy for a little bit and sit back and assess the situation before I get involved (some would be surprised by that statement). I guess that can come across as stand-offish or unapproachable....perhaps?

One other time that I was clued into how I come across was in Grad School. I went to school in the Midwest and it was definitely culturally different than where and how I had grown up. My classmates (who were mainly from the Midwest) indicated that I had, at times, come across as an East Coast snob. The funny thing to me is that I believed (and still do) that I am not at all a snob, I believe that I am the exact opposite of that, but I must have something about me that does not suggest what I believe. I think in Grad School there were some topics and things that I didn't participate in (belching, cussing etc) that probably were the cause of my 'snobbishness' and I'm O.K. with that.

In conclusion, all of these little snippets in my life have caused me to step back and really think that as much as a small gesture or interaction can seem insignificant to you on any particular day: You don't know where the recipient is coming from, what kind of day or life they are having and how it will impact him/her....a little, a whole lot, a life-changing amount or maybe not at all, OR it could really piss them off and you've ruined their day. Just a tiny nugget to ponder.