Tastes of Freedom

I have narrowed my word for the year and it is...drum roll...Allow.

I like it. It feels nice and cozy to me. It feels empowering. It feels risky. It feels yummy. It feels big. It feels expansive. It feels of freedom. It is MY WORD.

I have practiced allow already and it feels good. I am allowing myself to NOT do my restrictive eating for the first time in 10 years. I allow treats when I want them...but the caveat is that I chose wisely, acknowledge that I'm doing it and reflect on how it felt. I am noticing my eating habits (in the way of junk food) and figuring out when I do it and what it is doing 'for me'. It is a learning process and will take time to make the 'noticing' a habit...but I believe this is a step into shining the light on when I do the mindless eating of junk food that in turn makes me feel like beating myself up.

I am allowing myself to read without guilt. I have this incredible desire to read and read and read and I am not fighting it. I do sometimes give into reality and do the 'stuff' to make my house and family a home, but I also am allowing time to NOT do those things too so that I can read and feed that part of me. This reading is serving a big purpose for me in terms of becoming what I am meant and desire to be. It feels right, it feels good, it feels like freedom....as one of the many mantras of my program goes...the truth ALWAYS tastes of freedom.

I am also allowing myself to say no, to be late, to not 'do the right thing' all of the time. You might think I'm shirking my duties, or becoming a disrespectful citizen...but the things I'm choosing are ones that don't matter in the big scheme of things...the ones where no one notices or really cares. Those times where I've 'done the right thing because it is the right thing' haven't always served me well and NO ONE CARED ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I'm practicing with little things to see how it feels, to understand the impact of doing what I want and noticing what really counts.

This allowing is nice....I'm looking forward to more of it as it becomes clear where it should be employed. Watch this space.