What's in a number?

Twice yesterday I focused on my age. Both times I said I was 40. Well, I'm not really 40 YET...but this is the year, so why not just round up. I really am not bothered by that number. I don't pine for my youth, I don't fear what lies ahead, I'm not bummed that I now have to write 4-0 on all of my forms. For some reason, I've never really gotten tied to my age. Maybe I am close to 'living in the moment'. The one thing that I'm not liking about aging is the whole 'body' thing. It is hard to look in the mirror and know that I no longer can be mistaken for someone 'under 21'. I don't get carded anymore. That is the harder part is the 'look of it'...not the 'feel of it'. Having said all of that, I still don't really fight with reality because there is no way to change it (well plastic surgery, extreme dieting and other unhealthy things can 'mask' reality). At the moment..."its all good".

One of "my stories" is that I am the same person I was at age 16. I feel as though my outlook, values, personality etc was set then. I know other people say they grew up in college, or in their 20s (or 30s), but I don't see that in myself. Yes, I did learn a lot both socially and academically, but really at the core, I am the same as I was at 16. It is of course a matter of perspective but my confidence, humor, self perception etc was all there back then. I am wondering if it had to be for me to 'survive' all of the moves I did. You definitely have to have some self awareness to reintegrate (or maybe the word is INSERT) yourself in a new scenario and do it smoothly and effectively. I believe I was good at it (if I do say so myself) and I still am. Maybe that is the root of my 'story' is that to survive the changes I did, I had to be very clear on what matters most to me even back then.

Anyway, I say 'bring it on' to the numbers 4 and 0. I think some fabulous things are coming my way and there is not better time than now for that to happen. I've been reading a lot (as I've mentioned many times recently) and one of the consistent messages is that everything that has happened to me in the past (and now) is at the right time and in the right way no matter how good or bad it is. It is a way to 'not argue' with reality and bring peace. You can spend a lot of time and energy fighting your past or stressing about the future, but really, what is real is now and THERE IS NOTHING you can do about the past and you have NO IDEA what will happen in the future. I can say those words and I am starting to believe BUT I still need time to put my head around the concept...it is a foreign perspective that this time last year wasn't even in my repertoire (as simple and logical as it sounds).

Anyhoo....here's to living in the moment which sometimes I am an expert at and sometimes I 'suck at' (I know mom, I shouldn't say that...but I did).