schizophrenia and no sleep

First I have to tell the truth here. I have not been a good sleeper these past 2 nights. I've fallen asleep on the couch then head to bed at 3am. As my resolution is to WORK ON sleeping better I don't believe I can beat myself up about it and all I'm going to say about it is "today is the first day of the rest of my life". Having said that, last night I paid a price for my habit. I went to bed at 3am and fell asleep somewhere in the 6am range.


Here is a sample of the thoughts that were in my head from 3-6am...

1. Relax, try to fall asleep



2. Bummer, I cannot fall asleep



3. What was that noise, oh it was the wind



4. I need to teach my kids how to survive in an emergency...where the food is, how to eat sparingly, how to speak to emergency on 911, maybe write a script, oh I hope my kids don't have to be alone in an emergency situation



5. Stop thinking about emergency situations 'stupid' there isn't one now and you cannot do anything about it



6. Oh, I can write about my interaction with my son in my blog tomorrow (details formed in my head)



7. I want to bring more money into my life, how should I do it, the Law of Attraction says to allow versus to 'earn' money, I need to read more, I want to believe that I can, now I'll envision my money blob from my metaphor from yesterday



8. UGH it is 4am why can't I fall asleep



9. If I take a meletonin now I don't know if I'll wake up



10. Husband is snoring....maybe I should push him, over, no, that isn't nice



11. I want to do more photography, I'll need to update my website...oooo I'll do a whole new website that is fancy and includes my blog and my coaching. I'll even have business cards made. I need to call my friend MO.



12. Husband is getting up, boy he has an early day....no, he's just peeing....I wish he'd turn the light on so he doesn't 'miss'...pee, pee, pee, pee, pee, boy he had to pee, pee, pee...whew done...nope pee, pee. I'm glad he is getting more sleep and not going to work. Maybe I'll say hi, but then maybe that will keep him up too.



13. Boy I wish I could fall asleep, take a deep breath, stop thinking about things, breath and try to go to sleep



14. I know what I'll blog about, it will be this 'non sleep'.



15. Hmm...its interesting that all of the things I have been reading about have included quotes from the Bible and specifically about Jesus. Maybe Jesus was all into the Law of Attraction, he manifested food and healing for people, maybe he started the whole thing. I wonder if he were here today if he'd have been more accepted than back in the day...probably...maybe that is what is meant by his coming again, that we will realize that he had it all right back then...would my parents think I'm a heretic for thinking these thoughts, would some of my friends....its my thoughts why should I care?



16. Please...sleep...come....please.....

BUZZER at 7:40